[Sheppard and McKay whisper while spying on a Wraith in disguise]
Maj. John Sheppard: That's her!
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's the Wraith?
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Wow... She's hot! I mean seriously hot!
Maj. John Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know, I... disgust myself sometimes.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let me see - we've got slow death, quick death, painful death, cold, lonely death.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time] You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Dr. Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm always like this.
Dr. Zelenka: My point exactly.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Carson?
Carson Beckett M. D.: Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: How are you doing?
Carson Beckett M. D.: Oh, just peachy, thanks. You?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I'm sorry to put you in this position, but you're the only one besides Colonel Sheppard and General O'Neill who've actually fired a drone from that chair.
Carson Beckett M. D.: Ironically, they're the two people I nearly killed when I did that.
Carson Beckett M. D.: What do I say?
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: [looks up from camera] I dunno... how about "Wish you were here" ?
Carson Beckett M. D.: [looking around, turns on Ford] I wish who was here?
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: I dunno. Who do you wish was here?
Carson Beckett M. D.: No-one! I wish I wasn't bloody here!
Maj. John Sheppard: [the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field] You think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilization.
Maj. John Sheppard: So... you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.
Carson Beckett M. D.: [sighs] We believe ATA or Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that's always on. Instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes
[McKay is staring at syringe]
Carson Beckett M. D.: that interact with the skin, the nervous system and the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Looking worried] A mouse retrovirus?
Carson Beckett M. D.: It's been deactivated.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, are there any side effects?
Carson Beckett M. D.: Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel...
Carson Beckett M. D.: ...well if I've learned one thing, Mum, it's that we Earthlings are ver...
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Doc! You can't say that!
Carson Beckett M. D.: What?
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Earthlings. It's compromising security!
Carson Beckett M. D.: She knows I'm from Earth, son! It's not a bloody secret!
Maj. Lorne: Wow - you must really be some kind of genius!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, as a matter of fact, I, um... wait a minute. See, why would you say that now?
Maj. Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, yeah, like I didn't see that one coming, huh?
[Dr. McKay is wearing an Ancient personal force field generator]
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Maj. John Sheppard: [Smug] I shot him.
[Dr. Weir gives him "the look"]
Maj. John Sheppard: In the leg!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm invulnerable!
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Smug] In-vul-nerable!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Using power... using power... using power.
Maj. John Sheppard: Without inertial dampening, we'd be hit by so many g's, our eyes would pop, our skin would pull away from our faces, our brains would squish up to the back our skulls, and our internal organs would be crushed into these chairs. What about that sandwich?
Col. Steven Caldwell: [over radio] Dr. McKay, What's your status?
Teyla Emmagan: Dr. McKay is... not here.
Col. Steven Caldwell: What?
Teyla Emmagan: He had to...
Ronon Dex: He had to check something on the Wraith pod.
Teyla Emmagan: Yes, the Wraith pod. He had to check the... biometrics receiver, needed to reconfirm the frequencies of the normal feedback loop.
Col. Steven Caldwell: Why isn't he on his radio?
Teyla Emmagan: Well, actually we have been having trouble reaching him ourselves. I think it may have something to do with... interference from the um... magnetic shielding of the pods.
Ronon Dex: [sardonically] Yeah, shielding.
Teyla Emmagan: Ronon was just about to check on him, see what is taking him so long.
Col. Steven Caldwell: All right go get him, light a fire under him.
Teyla Emmagan: Right away.
Col. Steven Caldwell: And I want a status report as soon as his radio is working. Caldwell out.
Ronon Dex: [to Teyla] Nice stalling.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: We're heading towards a food shortage.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Mouth full] I know, it's getting desperate. I'm almost out of coffee.
Maj. John Sheppard: Well, maybe you should stop drinking eleven cups a day.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just making sure I'm getting my fair share before it's all gone.
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Sounds fair.
Maj. John Sheppard: [to Ronon Dex, who is struggling to escape his bonds] Take it easy, Chewie - you're gonna cut your damned hands off.
[the team need to disable the grounding stations around the city]
Maj. John Sheppard: Wait a second, are these things even close to a transporter?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Uh... yes. Elizabeth's is.
Maj. John Sheppard: And mine?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's a brisk walk away.
Maj. John Sheppard: And by "brisk" you mean "far"?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [nods] And by "walk" I mean "run".
Eldon: The technology on this ship is far more advanced than the Olesians'.
Dr. Rodney McKay: How ironic, then, to have been shot down by the cast of "Braveheart."
Dr. Rodney McKay: [facing a wraith guard] So! This is how it's gonna be, huh? Just me?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [seeing another Wraith guard come up] OK! That's just fine!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [he draws his pistol and points it at them, grinning in bravado]
Dr. Rodney McKay: You want some of this, huh? Huh?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [as he goes to fire his pistol, he presses the wrong part of the gun and the magazine ejects and drops to the floor]
Carson Beckett M. D.: We still have no idea how it works, but during the Wraith feeding process, the victim is injected with a special enzyme. It strengthens the human body temporarily and ensures that the heart continues to beat.
Maj. John Sheppard: Why would they wanna make you stronger?
Carson Beckett M. D.: So the victim doesn't die immediately. The feeding process is so traumatic, without the special enzyme, we shut down far sooner than they like.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: They make you stronger so they can take more time to kill you.
Carson Beckett M. D.: Lovely, isn't it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Did I mention that I know almost everything about almost everything?
[Teyla, Sheppard, Dex, McKay and the prisoner Eldon approach their grounded puddle jumper and some prisoners waiting to ambush them in the episode "Condemned"]
Maj. John Sheppard: At least we've got the element of surprise.
Ronon Dex: I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight.
Maj. John Sheppard: I'm just naturally lazy, but I will if I have to - and it's starting to look like we have to.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So exactly what kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
Maj. Lorne: "You guys"?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you know - 'Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start'.
Maj. Lorne: And by this mission you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs, in the pitch black of an alien planet?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Maj. Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major school.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I was afraid of that.
Maj. John Sheppard: Just out of political curiosity, how much trouble is it gonna cause you if I knock this Woolsey guy in the head?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: May I ask why you'd like to do that?
Maj. John Sheppard: It's just an impulse, really, one I suspect I'm gonna have again next time I see him. He may not even have to say anything.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I've never seen you like this. What did Woolsey say to you?
Maj. John Sheppard: Besides judging every damned decision you've ever made?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [amused] John Sheppard, are you defending my honor?
Maj. John Sheppard: [pauses] And judging me for agreeing with you.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Well, don't be too hard on him. I think of all the circling wolves, he's the least likely to actually bite. In fact, he might even convince the others to leave us alone.
Maj. John Sheppard: [sits down, more calmly] All right, so, no head knocking.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [smiling slightly] It's the thought that counts.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Seriously, am I the only one creeped out by that guy?
Maj. John Sheppard: They're politicians, Rodney - they're all creepy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Margaret Thatcher wasn't creepy. OK - well, maybe a little. In fact, she was like an aunt of mine - same hairstyle, facial structure, only my aunt was much taller, and remarkably hirsute. Oddest thing: she had to shave twice a day.
Ronon Dex: Well, eventually I will get free and when I do, he's gonna pay for this.
Maj. John Sheppard: Now listen to me. When you get free, you get us free and we all get out of here. Let 'em find out we're gone after we're gone.
Ronon Dex: You're expecting me to let them get away with this?
Maj. John Sheppard: The operative words are "get away".
Ronon Dex: After I kill them.
Maj. John Sheppard: That type of thinking will get us killed.
Ronon Dex: Well, if you had returned fire...
Maj. John Sheppard: The weapons systems were damaged.
Ronon Dex: If you say so.
Maj. John Sheppard: I do say so, and right now I'm saying knock it off.
Ronon Dex: Is that an order, Sheppard?
Maj. John Sheppard: I am beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza right now if I wanted to. But if you need it to be, yeah - it's an order.
Ronon Dex: Okay.
Maj. John Sheppard: This is what I do when I have problems with my laptop, I turn it off and then I... turn it on again.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I think this is a little bit more complicated than that.
Maj. John Sheppard: I'm just saying that if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard book of computer repair, we're really desperate.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry. It's just... I react to certain doom in a certain way. It's a bad habit.
Maj. John Sheppard: [while being shot at] You know, this is not a good way to make new friends!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [the team is discussing a society that places criminals next to the stargate so they will be culled first as a form of capital punishment] I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic.
Maj. John Sheppard: Well, leave it to convicts to know the best way to tie people up.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [over comms] Rodney, we need a shield up in forty seconds or we're dead!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, are you kidding me?
Dr. Rodney McKay: 'Cause I can't help but thinking we're reaching the point at which I completely snap.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: That should do it! Fire it up.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: That didn't do it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What?
Teyla Emmagan: It is not working.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know what she said!
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Twenty seconds!
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, snap! That's it! You all happy now?
Maj. John Sheppard: [the team is looking for signs of the Wraith] Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I've got something here.
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Really?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I dunno. I got a little...
[trails off while walking away]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: You've got a little what?
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?
[Sheppard looks at him]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: What?
[Sheppard gives him a dirty look and follows McKay]
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Oh, it's okay when you guys make fun of me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: 95% of deadly is still deadly!
Maj. John Sheppard: [over radio] Weir's alive?
Commander Acastus Kolya: Dr. McKay was able to make a convincing argument for keeping her around.
Maj. John Sheppard: Let me talk to her!
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Sheppard! We're both here.
Maj. John Sheppard: [relieved] It's good to hear your voice.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Yeah. It's good to hear.
[McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Iratus bugs]
Carson Beckett M. D.: You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
Dr. Rodney McKay: When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
[several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs]
Dr. Rodney McKay: See! Not so stupid!
Carson Beckett M. D.: Ah, shut up.
Dr. Kavanagh: I happily left the SGC because I had had it up to here with the military running things, and you just busted me like a private.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Don't be so dramatic. Besides, the Air Force doesn't even have privates.
Dr. Kavanagh: Neither do I. You just cut them off. Right in front of my research team.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: That's what this is about? You're embarrassed?
Dr. Kavanagh: Well, humiliated would be a little more accurate.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I haven't worked up to humiliation yet.
Teyla Emmagan: What do you want from us?
Torrell: Well, we've already got your weapons. Now I do believe we'll take your ship. You see, we have been planning a little trip to the mainland, but after seeing you fly that thing through the Ancestral Ring...
Dr. Rodney McKay: If you're referring to the ship you just shot down, the one that doesn't stand a hope in hell of ever flying again...
Torrell: The ship that you're gonna fix, yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What am I, MacGyver? Fix it with what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry, medicine is about as much of a science as... oh, I don't know, voodoo?
Maj. John Sheppard: [Sheppard and soldiers beam down from Deadelus] Secure Stargate Operations.
[looks around the Gate room]
Maj. John Sheppard: Well, I'm home.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [John turns to see Elizabeth approaching. Suddenly she hugs him for several moments then releases him looking relieved] Yes. You are. I truly thought...
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah, yeah. I thought the same thing about you a minute ago. We gotta stop that.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [chuckles] I'd like that.
Maj. John Sheppard: [sounding flustered] So, uh, where are we?
Maj. John Sheppard: There's plenty of time to solve this thing, but you got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I think I chipped a tooth. Did I chip a tooth? Am I bleeding? Because I am at high risk of enterocarditis.
Maj. John Sheppard: Hi, folks. I hope I didn't crash-land on anybody.
Torrell: Well, I could kill you. But you strike me as the type of man who, despite being weak and cowardly on the outside, harbours a strength of character he doesn't even know he has.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry - was there a compliment in there?
Torrell: See, the way to motivate a man like you, Mr McKay, is not to threaten your life; it's to threaten the lives of your friends. That's right. Fix the ship, otherwise they start dying, one after another, 'til you change your mind, or until they're all dead. I don't care.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [seeing a security escort of only two marines] Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. What is this? This is my security escort?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Well, we are spread a little bit thin right now.
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK.
[to the marines]
Dr. Rodney McKay: You need to know that if we come under fire, you're gonna have to put your lives on the line to protect me.
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, I mean the Zed-PM. You need to protect the Zed-PM at all costs... and me.
Maj. John Sheppard: "Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible." That's good advice, Rodney, thanks.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So... just to confirm, we're all still... definitely not dead.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, assuming that we're still alive, and there doesn't appear to be any damage as a result of the pulse, I think we can safely conclude that, uh... um...
Dr. Rodney McKay: I got nothing. I mean I've got nothing to conclude, I was just... talking for the sake of talking.
Maj. John Sheppard: You sure you're ok?
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know how much I hate certain death?
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [to Caldwell about Sheppard] You making sweeping changes to how Sheppard ran things only hours after assuming the position sends only one message; that he's not coming back!
Maj. Lorne: I was hoping Lt. Ford would recognize a friendly face and turn himself in.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You mean me?
Maj. Lorne: Well, you were friends, weren't you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions, we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of self-sustaining fusion, he would talk about how you could sever a man's torso with a P-90.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [after injecting himself with Wraith enzyme and beating up two guards] And that's what happens when you back a brilliant scientist into a corner!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [McK is excited in learning more in an hour than what he has in 2 yrs about Wraith tech, in the tests to overcome Wraith jamming of Asguard beaming] He then looks over at Hermoid who seems to be ignoring his excitement while typing away. Oh come on, I understand you're an Asgard and everything, but even you gotta feel a bit of an adrenaline buzz!
Hermiod: [Unpurturbed] My body does not possess the adrenal gland that produces epinephrine in your system. And even if I did, I would not be as easily impressed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I get! I get it! You think you are smarter than I am! U ready to go or not?
Hermiod: [Smugly] I have been for sometime.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Let's not be too quick to exclude the possibility that the woman might be, uh... what is the clinical term? "nuts"?