Dee Bradley Baker credited as playing...
Klaus • Monopoly Hobo • Pillow Hands McGraw • Tony • Rogu • Elf • Klaus as Tchochkie Schmear • A Wolverine • Billy Kloots • CIA Agent • CIA Guard • Doctor • Duper • Enormous Sea Monster • Fisherman • Gondolier • Kid • Kisses • M.C. • Mike • Mild-Mannered Man • Narrator • Restaurant Customer • Spencer • Stanferatu • Thank You Message • The Pope
- Klaus: There's an old German saying: "Don't blame the fish!" There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...
- Klaus: You don't know why the Americans and the Germans were fighting in World War 2? Nobody knows...
- Klaus: Has anybody noticed we're watching Gay Porn?
- Frat Dude: Maybe it's only Gay at the beginning! I say we keep watching!
- Hayley Smith: I just can't flunk out of Social Studies, I just can't!
- Klaus: Why not? I think you'd make a great Pharmaceuticals sales rep...
- Klaus: Am I early for Book Club?
- Roger the Alien: No! You're late! And that's two weeks in a row! You're out!
- Klaus: I didn't read it anyway...
- Klaus: He was my only Uncle, Steve! The odds of my grandparents crapping out another Uncle at this point are pretty low...
- Klaus: They say if you play it backwards, you can hear the voice of a dead kid!
- Hayley Smith: Whoah. Hang on, how do you play Monopoly backwards?
- Klaus: If they cut your head off, try to blink your eyes for as long as possible. I have a theory to test...
- Steve Smith: Jeez Klaus, how can you be so terrible?
- Klaus: I'm German! It's what we do.
- Klaus: Francine! Why didn't you tell me you were having work done? I would gladly have gone halfsies on a Superboob.
- Klaus: I'm pretending to be Life's DVD Commentary. It's something to do while I wait to Die of Fin-Rot.