The Longest Yard (2005)

Bob Sapp: Switowski

Photos 

Quotes 

• Switowski : He broke-ded my nose

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Let me try to fix that.

  [Crewe fixes his nose] 

  Switowski : How do I look?

  Caretaker : Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.

  Switowski : I love little Michael.

• Switowski : Will you teach me to football?

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Sure, I'll teach you to football.

  Caretaker : I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.

• Guard Dunham : [after breaking off a long run, storms up to Megget]  That's how a white man runs the football!

  Earl Megget : Man, you lucky I ain't on defense. I'd crack you in that egg-ass head of yours!

  Guard Dunham : Yeah, but you ain't on defense. Are ya, bitch?

  Earl Megget : Switowski! Come here!

  [he comes running over] 

  Earl Megget : You know what he said in the library?

  [whispers to Switowski about Dunham calling Malcolm X then "N word", as Switowski's eyes about pop out of his head] 

  Earl Megget : Yes. Him. Out!

  Switowski : [Destroys Dunham with a huge hit on the next play. Everyone gathers around to look at Dunham and sniffs]  I think I made-ed him shit himself.

  Coach Nate Scarborough : I think he just shit himself.

  All Sportswriters : I think he just shit himself.

  Stretcher Guy : Good lord, this guy shit himself big time!

  Switowski : [jumps up and down celebrating]  See! I told you i made-ed him shit himself!

  Earl Megget : [as Dunmham is being carted off the field on a stretcher]  I'll be sure to send them books to the hospital, pimp!

  Deacon Moss : And some diapers!

• Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : [drinking a toast with Caretaker]  Here's to the first friend I've had in I-don't-know-how-long

  Switowski : I thought I was your friend, Paul.

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You are my friend, Switowski. Just finish your coloring book and go to sleep.

  Switowski : OK.

• Switowski : [after Turley breaks his nose]  I think he did it on purpose!

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : No, he didn't do it on puropse...

  [glances over at Turley] 

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Okay maybe he did.

• Switowski : I'm sorry... I brokeded your toy.

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : Oh, no, it's a good thing! you should share a victory hug with Caretaker.

  Caretaker : What?

  [Switowski lifts Caretaker in bear-hug and spins around laughing] 

  Caretaker : [to Paul]  Asshole!

• Switowski : I thought I was your friend, Paul.

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe : You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish your coloring book and go to sleep.

  Switowski : OK.