23 June 2013 | Coventry
Oh, and there's a guy with an axe running around as well ...
I bought this miserable and ludicrous excuse for a motion picture as part of a three DVD box set named "The Ultimate Horror Collection". Now that's a joke! Not just because all three titles (this one together with something called "South of Hell" and "Sasquatch Hunters") are downright terrible movies, but also because this "Greed" can hardly even be considered as horror. It's more of an action/adventure thriller about a whole bunch of uninteresting people trying to get their filthy hands on a large sum of stolen money. And, oh yeah, coincidentally there's also a guy with an axe butchering everyone as well. As shallow and childish as it may sound, the only remotely good reason to give this lousy flick a go is because the main actresses Andrea Bogart and – particularly – Darlene Tejeiro are parading around in tight sportive outfits the entire movie. And it just has to be said that Tejeiro has a beautiful pair of big round breasts. These ladies depict two friends out on an adventurous rock-climbing trip. When they stop for a rest in the bar of the handsome bartender Robert, the girls are harassed and threatened by a vicious gang of bikers. You can tell these dudes are bad to the bone, because they wear leather outfits and have tattoos, yet they're driving dirt bikes, ha! Our jezebels flee and accidentally recover the $300.000 loot, which makes them a luscious prey for a whole bunch of people. Meanwhile, the deranged axe-wielding killer Ivan escaped from prison and seemingly has a score to settle with many of the thugs that are chasing our wenches. Admittedly this sounds like a convoluted and ambitious plot, but it's all a bunch of derivative and clichéd nonsense instead. Literally every character in the film is a either a greedy double-crossing weasel or a selfish backstabber (hence the title, I presume) and the dialogs and shootouts are incredibly inept. There are way too many idiotic sequences, like the chase between a station wagon and a quad, and despite of the massive body count there's never any suspenseful moment or imaginative killing. The psychopath is apparently even more indestructible than Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers combined, as he cheerfully stands back up after being hit by car, shot numerous times and fallen from large heights. Oh well, it doesn't matter, since I will solely remember Darlene Tejeiro's tight black top.