If... (2004–2006)

TV Series   |    |  Drama

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By 2020, Britain is in the grip of an obesity epidemic. The consequences of diabetes, cancers and heart disease mean the NHS are finding it hard to cope. New rules are about to force ... See full summary »


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29 April 2004 | Theo Robertson
If This Is The Best The BBC Can Do...
... Maybe they should employ better producers

Anyone remember the shocking docu-drama THREADS from 20 years ago . This dealt with a nuclear holocaust in the near future . Words fail to explain the nightmares I had after seeing that . So I was expecting this speculative docu-drama series to be along a similar line . Unfortunately the scenarios were insipid to say the least

IF - THE LIGHTS GO OUT used the scenario of the national grid failing and Britain being electricity free for a few days . Big deal . It`ll keep my bill down each quarter so every cloud has a silver lining

IF - THINGS DON`T GET BETTER . This deals with the growing gap between rich and poor with the rich cutting themselves off from the crime ridden areas of the inner cities and a Prime Minister trying to bridge the gap between the classes . It`s never pointed out that the reason for spiraling crime is mainly down to bleeding heart politicians letting scumbags out of jail into society where they rob , rape and maim decent folk . If I had the money I`d move somewhere crime free . Oh and seeing house prices are so high who the hell can afford to live in one of these places anyway

IF - WE DON`T STOP EATING . According to this show the NHS will stop treating fat people . Strange but I was talking to a nurse at a Greenpeace convention ( That`s the only reason I joined Greenpeace . You get to meet some really fit girls ! ) who told me even if someone turns up completely drunk , smoking a ciggie with entirely self inflicted wounds at a casualty department , they will still get treated by NHS staff no matter what . Considering I stayed up all night at the convention drinking heavily and chain smoking that was nice to know , especially when I`m 5 foot 8 inches and weigh about 155 pounds

IF - WOMAN RULED THE WORLD . An American female president tries to end the war on terror through dialogue . Obviously based on Dr Mo Mowlam who signed the Irish good Friday agreement and brought the troubles to an end . Two points however , firstly Mowlam had little to do with the agreement which was brought about by the previous John Major government and secondly what`s being a woman got to do with anything ? Patronizing crap if you ask me . Oh and let`s not forget Mrs Thatcher , Indria Ghandi and Golda Meir

IF - THE GENERATIONS FALL OUT . According to this in the future the younger generation will become so angry about paying so much tax to keep the pensioners in a life of luxury they`ll turn militant . Ah hold on according to an earlier episode we`ll all be dying at a young age because we`re so over-weight so how come there`s so many pensioners ? And who`s heard of a pensioner in Britain living in the lap of luxury ?

So there you go several speculative docu-dramas that had this slim chain-smoking critical free thinking ex-Greenpeace member wondering what all the fuss was about . To be honest the only thing I`m worried about is since I`m a FORMER member of Greenpeace where on earth am I going to meet some really fit girls in the future ?

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