Arkham: You can still talk big after seeing THIS?

[Morphs into a hideous tentacled beast]

Arkham: I feel the devil's power overflowing my body! The power of Sparda!

Dante: Dude, my father wasn't so hideous. Can't you tell by looking at me?

[Checks his reflection in his sword]

Lady: I see. Maybe somewhere out there even a devil may cry when he loses a loved one. Don't you think?

Dante: Maybe.

Lady: You've heard of it, haven't you? The legend of Sparda? When I was young, my father would tell me stories about it. Long ago, in ancient times, a demon rebelled against his own kind for the sake of the human race. With his sword, he shut the portal to the demonic realm and sealed the evil entity off from our human world. But since he was a demon himself, his power was also trapped on the other side. I never believed it. I thought it was just a child's fairy tale. But I discovered that the so-called legend wasn't a myth at all. Sparda existed. How do I know? Well... I met the sons of Sparda. *Both* of them. Though the same blood of their father flowed through their veins, the two battled each other fiercely like arch-enemies. It seems as if they derived some twisted pleasure from this brotherly fighting. But in the end, only one was left standing.

Cerberus: Leave now, mortal! The likes of you are forbidden in this land. You, who are powerless, are not worthy to set foot here.

Dante: Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know in a dog show, you'd definitely take the first place.

Cerberus: You, a mere human, make a mockery of me?

Dante: Easy, Fido! How about I take you out for a walk? Come on, puppy. Let's go!

Cerberus: You'll regret this you worm!

Dante: It's showtime. Come on!

Dante: [aiming a gun at Vergil] So... this is what they call a "heart-warming family reunion"?

Vergil: You got that right.

[draws sword]

Dante: I can already tell. Looks like this is gonna be one hell of a party!

Dante: You sure know how to throw a party. No food, no drinks, and the only babe just left.

Vergil: My sincerest apology, brother. I was so eager to see you and couldn't concentrate on the preparation of the bash.

Dante: Whatever. At any rate, it has been a whole year since we last met. How about a kiss from your little brother? Or better yet, how about a kiss from this?

[draws gun]

Lady: Are you crying?

Dante: It's only the rain.

Lady: The rain already stopped.

Dante: Devils never cry.

Lady: What happened next? Nothing, really. We took care of all the remaining devils and that was it. I still have a job to do that's far from done, which is to eliminate every last demon. I need to ensure that monsters like my father never come about again. Then he promised to help me hunt down the demons, even though he's part one himself. But now I realize, there are humans as evil as any devil, as well as calm and compassionate demons in this universe. At least I've found one so-called devil who's able to shed tears for those he cares about. That's enough for me to believe in him.

Dante: Remember what we used to say?

[both aim their guns at Arkham]

VergilDante: Jackpot.

Arkham: I have the true power of sparda!

Vergil: Not very classy for someone's dying words.

Lady: Oh, speaking of a kind devil, he finally decided on a name for his shop. It took him quite a while to pick one. Want to know the name? Devil May Cry.

Agni: Look brother! It's been ages but we finally have company!

Rudra: I see that!

Agni: We must entertain our guest.

Rudra: You're right, we have to be gracious hosts.

Agni: Hmm... what should we do?

Rudra: How should I know? We need to come up with something.

[Dante sighs]

Agni: Brother, our guest is... sighing.

Rudra: Sigh? What is Sigh?

Agni: Well, a sigh is when...

Dante: Enough already! How much longer are you gonna carry on like this? In case you didn't get the hint, I'll spell it out. Your "Guest" wants to go through, got it?

Agni: [Agni and Rudra begin to rise] Our job is to guard this door.

Rudra: That's right! We cannot let you pass!

Agni: Wait!

Rudra: Yes, wait!

Agni: We have been waiting for a long time!

Rudra: Yes, a very long time.

Agni: For someone stronger than us.

Rudra: Someone who can control us.

Agni: My name is Agni.

Rudra: And my name is Rudra. You shall take us with you.

AgniRudra: We can be of great help to you.

Dante: [ponders for a second] All right, but on one condition.

AgniRudra: Name it!

Dante: No... talking.

Agni: Fair enough.

Rudra: As you wish.

[Dante picks them up and practices with them, until...]

Agni: Impressive...

Dante: [bangs their heads together] No... talking!

[Short silence]

Dante: Good.

Vergil: [Vergil runs Dante through with his sword] Foolishness, Dante.

[Pushes his sword in a little deeper]

Vergil: Foolishness! Might controls everything. And without strength, you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself.

[Yanks out his sword and takes Dante's pendant]

Dante: It's been a year since we last met. Where does the time go?

[walks forward, arms open]

Dante: No doubt you've got some fun planned for me. Right, Vergil?

Jester: Yoooo-hoooo!

[Dante looks up, and catches Lady falling out of the sky. Hanging upside down, she immediately points her guns at him]

Dante: Well, this is my kind of rain. No wonder the sky looks so funny today.

Lady: Let me go!

Dante: Let you go? But it would be a waste if you ended up as just a pretty stain.

[Lady proceeds to shoot him in the head. He drops her, and she catches hold of a ledge below]

Dante: What the hell was that for? Here I am trying to help you and you show your thanks by shooting me?

[Lady shoots him again]

Dante: Whatever, do as you please.

[walks away]

Lady: So he's a demon too...

Dante: I'm beginning to think I've got rotten luck with women.

Vergil: Arkham.

Arkham: Well? Doesn't it excite you? The Temen-ni-gru has revived. The Great One who once ruled this earth as the medium between the Human world, and the Demon world. Isn't it a magnificent view? The greatest minds of their time, those who revered Evil, constructed this glorious edifice. Now after two milleniums of confinement, it can at last fulfill the purpose for which it was intended...

Vergil: That's none of my concern. Did he have it?

Arkham: Of course. He's taking good care of it, as you might have expected.

Cerberus: You... are not human, are you?

Dante: Who knows? I'm not even sure myself.

Arkham: He plucks the threads that make us dance, finger and toe! We surrender in joy to the lowest of the foul and rank; we submerge through darkness, rancid filth. Hour by hour, we move downward, ever closer to Hell, in a slow, steady gait. Now, let the world resonate! Sloth! Gluttony! Greed! Envy! Lust! Wrath! And Pride! A bell of chaos that tolls human desires! After two thousand long years, the once sealed gate to the demonic world will open! Destruction! Carnage and Despair! Let your instincts drive you! Entrap this world in fear! As its very name Temen-ni-gru strikes terror into the heart of mankind. Then I will become the ultimate ruler of this wasteland engulfed with pandemonium. The demonic power that Sparda once imprisoned... will be... MINE!

[laughs maniacally]

Beowulf: [jumps down through the ceiling] SPARDA!

Dante: Aww, you poor thing. Didn't your mother teach you how to use a door?

Beowulf: That odor, I know it.

Dante: Huh?... Gimme a break. Tell you what, next time I'll try to wear some cologne, okay?

Beowulf: It's the stench of betrayal. The odor of that accursed Sparda! I will annhilate every last blood relation of Sparda!

Dante: Hahahaha! A son cleaning up his dad's mess, huh? Where have I heard this story before?

Nevan: Welcome, Sir. Is this your first time?

Dante: [grins] Yeah, it is. You'll treat me nicely, won't you?

Nevan: Of course. I'll treat you SO nicely... you'll never want to leave.

Lady: By the way...

[Demons appear and surround Dante and Lady]

Lady: Looks like we're gonna be busy for awhile.

Dante: So, bring it on! I love this.

[Dante brandishes his weapon, and begins approaching the Demons]

Dante: This is what I live for! And I'm absolutely crazy about it!

Dante: What's your name?

Lady: I don't have a name.

Dante: So what should I call you?

Lady: I don't care! Call me anything you want.

Dante: Whatever, Lady.

Dante: You want a date? Well, forget it. Because I make a point not to go out with women who shoot me in the head!

Lady: Date a demon? I'm not that desperate!

Arkham: Let's welcome Chaos.

Vergil: Why do you refuse to gain power? The power of our father Sparda?

Dante: Father? I don't have a father. I just don't like you, that's all.

Lady: I thought I wasn't going to cry...

Dante: Damn it! You guys totally wrecked my shop and I haven't even named it yet!

Lady: [about Arkham] He was obsessed with becoming a devil, so much he killed his own wife. For that he butchered innocent people too. He's the most vile kind of creature. To top it off, that filthy scum... is my father.

Dante: Well, we have something in common. I have a dysfunctional family too.

Jester: Don't be a bad girl, Mary, or you can expect a spankin' from Dad-dy later! Jester's gonna spank your butt. Spank you on you bu-utt!

Arkham: Welcome. What do you think after looking at your father's image?

Dante: It's like staring at a backed up toilet!

Dante: [to Lady] Quite frankly, at first I didn't give a damn. But because of you, I know what's important now. I know what I need to do.

Vergil: I've come to reclaim my power.

[aims sword]

Vergil: You can't handle it.

[Leaps down and lands near Dante, pointing his sword to his neck]

Dante: Look at you! Coming in with a big dramatic scene and stealing MY spotlight

Vergil: Well... you don't really believe that HE deserves to be our main event, do you?

Dante: Now that you mention it, you're right.

Arkham: You think you can defeat me? Defeat the power of your father, Sparda?

Vergil: You should come to realize you cannot handle the power of Sparda.

Dante: [Aims sword at Arkham] You're wasting your time, buddy.

[whispers to Vergil]

Dante: I think he needs to learn the hard way.

Arkham: You dare to point a gun at me? Your family? Your dear papa?

Lady: The only family I ever had was my mother... and she's dead!

[fires]

[to the annoying Jester, Dante jams his gun into his nose]

Dante: Zip it! Or I'll pierce that big nose.

Jester: [nasal] That could be a problem...

[Dante grabs Jester and puts a gun to his head]

Jester: Oh, wait a moment! You don't really want to shoot me, do you? If you do... I'll die, you know.

Dante: If that's what it takes to shut you up.

Jester: It's time for bed, Mary dear. You can visit your dear mother.

[He laughs maniacally. Lady flips to her feet, grabs the Kalina Ann and holds the bayonet to his throat]

Lady: Try me.

[two swords are laid on his neck]

Vergil: It's time for the clown to bow out, Arkham.

Dante: Dude, the show's over.

Dante: [about to fight the demons attacking his shop] This party's gettin' crazy. Let's rock!