Catherine Frazier: It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream, you know the one, when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but it's all out of your control, you can't trust anything anymore, no-one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no-one will be able to break your heart like that again.

Edie Cohen: It was so amazing,and we're so proud of you. And I am so sorry that I won't be able to stay longer to help you celebrate. But my water just broke.

Catherine Frazier: I ordered you a gimlet. I know you don't drink in the afternoon, but you will eventually, so why not start now?

Catherine Frazier: You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o'clock. She looks like she's re-entering the Earth's atmosphere

April Cohen: Mommy, I'm tired of shopping. Can we go? I wanna go.

Edie Cohen: We can't go. Aunt Sylvie is stalking somebody. When she's finished, we can leave.

Mary Haines: Oh, is this about the perfume bitch?

Barbara Delacorte: Everything was wonderful, Mary. I must have the name of your caterer. So yummy.

Mary Haines: Oh, no. I made everything myself. I think people appreciate the personal touch.

Barbara Delacorte: You cooked? Oh, Mary, how could you. What were you thinking? Now we'll all have to do that.

Edie Cohen: I wanna keep going until I get a boy.

Alex Fisher: Don't we have enough of those?

Crystal Allen: [while on the phone with Steven] What if I cook us a romantic dinner tonight?

Pat: The big white square thing with the fire coming out of it is the stove.

Mary Haines: [sees her daughter burning tampons] What is she doing?

Maggie: Well, she says she doesn't want to be a woman.

Sylvia Fowler: I am the man I want to marry!

Mary Haines: [about her husband having an affair] I mean, how could I not have known? Three months ago, he bought cowboy boots!

Edie Cohen: [about the voice of her car's navigation system] She's always calm. She never talks back. My husband's in love with her.

Catherine Frazier: Don't be bitter, Mary... It leads to Botox.

Sylvia Fowler: A 45-minute orgasm? Who has the time?

Sylvia Fowler: Weren't you taking some puppet-making class?

Edie Cohen: Let me tell you something. Weird crowd of people, the puppet people.

Catherine Frazier: [Over lunch, with her daughter - Meg Ryan] What'd you want me to do? Punish Daddy?