- James: [to Ray-Lyn] I think your problem is that you get laid too much. I get laid too little, we're probably perfect for each other.
- Judge Cole Stevens: [during presentation] I just want you to know that I am a judge, and this is totally legal.
- Tom: Yeah, no job, no credit, no problem. I can get you in with J Hawk Financial, write it into the deal.
- Tom: [to Kevin] If you don't shut the f*&% up, I'm going to take you upstairs and give you the rhino horn right now!
- Scott: Is the tax system mandatory?
- Tony Shannon- IRS CI: Most people think it is.
- Scott: But is it?
- Tony Shannon- IRS CI: No, its voluntary.
- Tristan James: [standing next to Last Call] There's two assholes here, and one's standing right next to me.
- James: [to group] Has the money gone to all of your heads?
- Lia King: [to James] The money has gone to your head!
- Tony Shannon- IRS CI: It's gone to both of your heads!
- Kent Vaughn: We know which head the money has gone to...
- James: [before leaving the meeting with Rae-Lyn] I have some after-business to take care of...
- Tony Shannon- IRS CI: Oh, Mr. Macho is going to go try and get it up now...
- Jim: There's three types of people in this world. Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen... and those who ask "What just happened?"
- Judge Cole Stevens: [about two girls wanting to get into the group] I can vouch for them, they're lovely ladies!
- Rae-Lyn: Ohhh, Spank that ass...
- [spanking Tony Shannon's ass]
- Judge Cole Stevens: [Judge Cole tries to get her to spank his ass] Oh, pleeaase!
- Rae-Lyn: [turning him down] I don't think so.
- James: [disappointed in the judge's behavior] Judge?
- James: [after Tristan criticizes his car] Dude, you don't even have a car!
- Tristan James: [pointing to James' beat up car] Yeah, but if I did, it would not be this car.
- [pointing to a Mercedes]
- Tristan James: It would be that car over there.
- Judge Cole Stevens: [during boat-party presentation] We're here to make money, and isn't that good? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? That's the way it should be. Whooo! Let's hear it for ourselves!
- May, Ryan: [during pyramid presentation] Now that we are introducing the paintings, doesn't that involve a product, so don't we have to report that to the IRS?
- Tony Shannon- IRS CI: [not knowing how to answer the question] I think we need to wrap this up now. Some of these questions are getting ridiculous. It's just turning into a pissing match.