Edge Runner (2004)

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17 October 2016 | lor_
Embarrassing unfinished Nick Steele film
Accomplished Adult filmmaker Nicholas Steele has an unreleased movie "Babe Runners" (see: Ridley Scott) made 6 years ago I've been hankering for, but this earlier unfinished feature was actually released. It's a textbook case of how not to make an adult movie, or an action movie for that matter.

Dealing with the action topic of Motocross racing, much of the film plays like a '70s drive-in movie, which I found very entertaining at my local Cleveland, Akron or Canton ozoner back in the day. But this is pornography, with half a dozen arbitrary and repetitive always-outdoor XXX sex scenes show-horned clumsily into the action. The mix wouldn't fly even if well-done, but Steele has many scenes omitted and what is presented cut together sloppily and pointlessly.

Cornball story credited to usually effective scripter Peter Wood is merely the rivalry between legendary racer Dan "Lucky" Wilcox (crusty performance by Randy Spears) and up-and-comer D.B. Lincoln (Dale DaBone, who has demonstrated his real-life prowess on a motorcycle in a BTS short released by Sin City). This feature has an "Ulitmate Pictures" logo at the front but was not released by that company's distribution arm of many a Steele production, Adam & Eve. My guess is that what he handed in was rejected.

There is no race at all, the frequent motorcycle shots doing stunts down dirt roads all seems like second unit or stock footage (it isn't but just looks that crummy) and what passes for story and dialog is ridiculous. Lauren Phoenix is cast as a TV reporter with Cheyne Collins as her crew (and of course humper), but her character is lame and poorly written. Steven St. Croix plays the hokey old hand, giving headstrong Spears good advice but basically peripheral to the action (but on set to have a sex scene with lovely Brooke Banner).

There are girl friends on hand to f*ck, but the funniest scene, worthy of Midnight Movie showings for this disaster, has Cytherea popping up as DaBone's girl, introduced telling Dale "I have to go pee", causing them to banter a bit about urinating in the woods. Whether this was an intentional script in-joke or just lucky coincidence, when Cytherea returns to hump Dale she demonstrates a couple of Golden Showers in the process, reflective of her status as Adult Cinema's all-time squirting queen.

Among the many telltale signs of a misguided and unfinished project, many scenes end arbitrarily with the camera tilting up skyward -an old porn device to permit random editing later; the transition of Randy angry with Dale for trying to usurp him to suddenly palling up to the boy and offering him a sweet contract to join and head up his famous Edge Runner racing team is missing completely; stupid flashbacks are tossed in willy-nilly; and there is a sudden freeze frame of bikes flying through the air late in the film, with "Two Weeks Later" flashed on screen. T

That delivers a final nostalgic sex scene between Phoenix and Spears at his beloved pond, with "The End" superimposed right after his money shot rather than a proper conclusion to the story. The final shot has a distracting big black censorship dot superimposed on the screen to hide some emblem or inscription on Spears' coat pocket above his right breast, perhaps to stave off some lawsuit. It's a fitting finale to a botched movie.

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Action | Adult | Romance


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