Hoodwinked! (2005)
Anne Hathaway: Red
Photos
Quotes
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Red Puckett : [Red encounters the Wolf, wearing a Granny mask and apron and using a falsetto voice] Who are you ?
The Wolf : I'm your grandma.
Red Puckett : Your face looks really weird, granny.
The Wolf : I've been sick, I... uh...
Red Puckett : Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.
The Wolf : Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.
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Chief Grizzly : Pretty thin Wolf! You say the old lady was already tied up. How did that happen?
The Wolf : I don't know, maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news Chief, I don't make it.
Red : For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job.
The Wolf : What can I say? I was raised by wolves.
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[Red has just explained how she escaped the Wolf]
Chief Grizzly : Yep, that settles it. We've got our bandit.
Nicky Flippers : Ah, could be. I'd like to count my chickens after they hatch.
Tommy : [oinks] Chickens?
Red Puckett : You've gotta admit, a wolf stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy!
Nicky Flippers : Yes, right. But we don't arrest people for being creepy.
Tommy : [on radio] Yeah Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?
Bruce : Uh... the creepy one?
Tommy : Yeah, better let him go.
Nicky Flippers : [to Red] So you went on to Granny's?
Red Puckett : I found an old trail up the north side of the mountain.
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[Red crests a hill and finds herself at the edge of a meadow, and starts to hear music]
Red Puckett : Hello?
[sees that the music is coming from Japeth, singing on the porch of his shack; Red approaches him]
Red Puckett : Hello.
[Japeth continues yodeling and strumming on his banjo]
Red Puckett : I'm looking for Granny Puckett's house?
Japeth the Goat : [singing] Graaaaaaaanneeee Puckeeeet...
Red Puckett : Could you stop singing for one moment?
Japeth the Goat : [singing] No I can't, wish I could, but a mountain witch done put a spell on me, 37 years agoooooooo, and now I gotta sing every thing I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy...
Red Puckett : Everything?
Japeth the Goat : [speaking] That's right.
Red Puckett : You just talked! Just now!
Japeth the Goat : Oh, did I?
[singing]
Japeth the Goat : Did I? Dididididodadidididoooo...
[Red turns and gives us a pissed off look]
-
[Flippers has shown up uninvited]
Chief Grizzly : Nicky Flippers? What are you doing here? This is *my* case!
Nicky Flippers : Well, someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave. I saw the lights, thought the circus was in town.
[eyes the four detainees]
Nicky Flippers : Now of course, I see I was right.
Chief Grizzly : Well you're too late, Nicky, I've got this case wrapped up nice and tight.
Nicky Flippers : Is that right?
Chief Grizzly : Yeah.
Red Puckett : They've got this all wrong, Mr. Flippers.
[Flippers turns to Red]
Nicky Flippers : Oh, I don't know. You look pretty dangerous to me. What's your name?
Red Puckett : Red.
Nicky Flippers : And why do they call you that?
Red Puckett : Why do they call you "Flippers"?
Nicky Flippers : [Cuts to Flippers on the dance floor at a disco club in a flashy white suit. As the crowd chants "Go Flippers!" in the background, he does a backflip and lands in a splitz] Uh, no reason.
Red Puckett : They call me "Red" because of this red hood I wear.
Nicky Flippers : What about when you're not wearing it?
[beat]
Red Puckett : I usually wear it.
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Granny : [Granny has just revealed that she is an extreme sports athlete] Honey, don't look at your granny like that.
Red Puckett : I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G! Or are you the Bandit?
[beat]
Det. Bill Stork : Awkward!
[awkwardly side slips his way out of the room]
Granny : You're being ridiculous, Red.
Red Puckett : *I'm* being ridiculous? You're off living... La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills! And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?
Tommy : I, have a...
Nicky Flippers : Coffee break, anyone?
Chief Grizzly : Uh, yeah.
Det. Bill Stork : Whose got my keys?
Raccoon Jerry : You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?
Chief Grizzly : Excuse us.
[Everyone except Red and Granny files out of the room]
Granny : I thought you were happy.
Red Puckett : Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?
Granny : Of course you do. You're a Puckett.
Red Puckett : [sighs] I don't know what that means anymore.
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Chief Grizzly : Shouldn't you be in school?
Red : Shouldn't I have a lawyer?
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[discovering the Wolf is pretending to be Granny]
Red : You again! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?
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[During her bike ride, Red stops for a family of bakers who are crossing the road, leaving behind their snack shack after being struck by the Bandit]
Red Puckett : [voiceover] With the Goodie Bandit on the loose, recipes were becoming an endangered species. I decided to call Granny. If anyone knew what to do, she would.
[Cuts to Granny knitting and talking on the phone]
Granny Puckett : I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady.
[Her image is shrunk to a circle wipe, revealing Red using a payphone]
Red Puckett : Your recipes are the most famous in the whole forest, Granny! What if they get swiped? It could wipe you out! Maybe I should bring you the recipe book, just for safekeeping.
Granny Puckett : A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a little girl.
Red Puckett : I'm not so little anymore!
Granny Puckett : Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there and everything will be fine.
Red Puckett : But...
Granny Puckett : I have to go now. My program's on. Kisses.
[Blows air kisses and hangs up the phone]
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[Grizzly has learned that the Wolf was trying to eat Red]
Chief Grizzly : All right, get a muzzle on that guy.
The Wolf : Hey, I can explain everything.
Chief Grizzly : Well you can explain it to the judge.
[turns to Red]
Chief Grizzly : Shouldn't you be at school?
Red Puckett : Shouldn't *I* have a lawyer?
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[the Wolf is impersonating Granny with a plastic mask and apron]
The Wolf : You got the loot?
Red Puckett : Whoa, what big *hands* you have.
The Wolf : Oh! All the better to scratch my back with.
Red Puckett : And what big *ears* you have...
The Wolf : [increasing in irritation] All the better to hear your... many criticisms. Old people just have big ears, dear.
Red Puckett : And Granny... what big *eyes* you have!
The Wolf : [exploding] Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?
[leans in]
The Wolf : You came here for a reason, didn't you? So tell old Granny what you've got in the basket.
Red Puckett : Ugh! Granny! What bad breath you have!
[the Wolf takes off the mask; Red screams and backs away]
Red Puckett : You again! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?
The Wolf : Settle down, little girl.
Red Puckett : Hi-yah!
[Gets into kung-fu stance]
The Wolf : Save it, Red fu. You've been dodging me all day, you might as well just give up.
[Grabs a fireplace poker and corners her]
Red Puckett : Ha! You crazy Wolf! What have you done with Granny?
The Wolf : I'm taking Granny down and you're next.
[Granny bursts out of the closet, bound and gagged]
Red Puckett : Granny!
[Kirk bursts through the window, holding a pickaxe]
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[last lines]
Red : Mr. Flippers!
Nicky Flippers : I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it.
Granny : What's going on?
Nicky Flippers : Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you.
The Wolf : What kind of work are we talking about?
Nicky Flippers : You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.
Red : "Happily Ever After Agency"?
Nicky Flippers : The woods don't go 'round by themselves.
Twitchy : [talking very fast] Yeah! Alright! Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right! Yeah!
Nicky Flippers : So what do you think?
Granny : Bring it honey!
Red : I always did like happy endings.
-
[Red is in a treehouse, reading a magazine; a woodpecker flies up]
Woodpecker : Watcha readin', Red?
[sees the magazine's cover]
Woodpecker : "Far Away Places"? Are you going somewhere far away?
Red Puckett : No. The world is too dangerous for me!
[throws the magazine over the side. It falls, and lands on the windshield of a passing sports car]
Passing motorist : Ahh! Can't see! Danger! Turn into the skid!
[Swerves violently all over the road; the scene cuts back to Red as the sounds of screeching tires are heard, followed by a loud crash that shakes a tree in the distance]
Passing motorist : I'm okay! I'll walk it off!
Woodpecker : You can't go away. Who's gonna ride the goody bike?
Red Puckett : If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain, and the next one and the next one, but I can't. I am just a kid.
Woodpecker : I'm just a woodpecker.
[a window is shattered and Red flinches]
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[Red uses the phone in Japeth's shack]
Red Puckett : Granny?
Granny : Huh, who's that?
Red Puckett : It's Red. I'm on my way over to see...
Granny : Oh, my dear, I-I'm not prepared. I've got to... put down fresh doilies! Ugh!
[slips on something]
Red Puckett : Granny! Granny! What's wrong?
Granny : Gotta go, munchkin. Bonsai!
[the call is disconnected]
Red Puckett : Oh, no!
[hangs up the phone and turns around to Japeth]
Red Puckett : Mr. Goat, my Granny's in trouble! I've got to find a way around the mountain, fast!
Japeth the Goat : [singing] Well you came to the right goat!
[pops out his rocking horns]
Red Puckett : Oh, good. More singing.
[Japeth begins singing "Be Prepared"]
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[Dolph and Boingo get off the tram at the top terminal]
Dolph : I don't like it. The cops are all over the place.
Boingo : Forget about the cops! We've got everything we need right here!
Dolph : What about the old lady? She's alive. She'll be back.
Boingo : You just don't get it, do you, Dolph? I'm done! I'm done dancing for the man - The Muffin Man! And Granny! They can both take a hike! I'm never gonna answer to anyone ever again!
[Boingo bursts out wailing, then cackles, then cries, all in a matter of seconds, then immediately sobers up]
Boingo : Oh! I just love my job!
[He and Dolph start walking down the loading ramp]
Boingo : You see how it works, Dolph? You prioritize, you set your goals, you write a mission statement. You ask yourself, "Where do I see me in five years?"
Red Puckett : How about behind bars?
[Boingo turns around and sees Red standing at the bottom of the ramp, glaring at him]
Boingo : [surprised] Red! Oh! Hey, Red! What are you- you've spoiled the surprise!
Red Puckett : You're the bandit!
[beat]
Boingo : Surprise!
-
[while Red is riding her bike, Boingo spots her]
Boingo : Hey, Red!
[hops into her bike basket as she passes]
Boingo : Ohh, nice outfit! Always red with you. You must be in autumn.
Red Puckett : Hey, Boingo. Aren't you helping the Muffin Man today?
Boingo : [glum] Na, he closed up shop. Someone stole all his recipes last night, and now I'm out of a job.
Red Puckett : Oh, geez, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still working the cable car?
Boingo : Yeah, yeah I am but it's not as fun as making goodies all day.
Red Puckett : Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?
[hands him one]
Boingo : [brightening] Oh boy! Oh boy! Thanks, Red, I can always count on you to deliver, you little rascal... devil!
Red Puckett : Yeah, well, the woods don't go 'round by themselves.
