The Apprentice UK

When The Apprentice UK appeared, I regretted the fact that it bumped the American version off prime-time; I never felt that Lord SrAlan (or just 'SrAlan' as he was then) was any substitute for Trump - this was before Trump became the world's most dangerous moron, of course.

I read recently that Lord SrAlan is getting sick of it now, though, and I don't blame him: I'm sick of it too. Where do they find these people: year after year, a batch even more stupid, ignorant, selfish, arrogant and ungracious than the last? You can't imagine for one moment that any of them would be any use in business, I guess all they really want is a TV career.

When in last night's episode a guy who is pitching an ice-cream business couldn't make ice-cream, I felt like banging my head against the wall. But why did he fail? Because he tried to screw the customer a little too hard, passing off the cheapest rubbish he could produce as 'premium'. That's the ethos they all have - it's depressing. Then there's that awful woman who is actually a school librarian, but seems to think she's Lady Diana Spencer. You just want a 16-ton weight dropped on the lot of them: how much more can we take?

It's gonna reach the point soon where it's more excruciating than entertaining (not least because of Lord SrAlan's own awful gags, he really needs a new writer). In fact I'm not sure we're not already there.

From the outset, this show has always been interesting. Tempers fraying, tense boardroom meetings and the on-going quarrels of Saira and Paul all mix together to make one hell of a good show.

I, myself, am rooting for Saira to win, but that is irrelevant at the moment. For anyone who hasn't watched it as of yet, do so. Yeah, Alan Sugar is a rude and ignorant jerk - but it just makes it more compelling to watch! As to who I think will win...well Miriam and James are good contenders, Paul is hope goes next because I find him repulsive, but he has a good chance. Saira also has a good chance.

Plus, Alan, I praise you for kicking Raj out - totally inadiquate.

Now in its fifth series, 'The Apprentice' has 14 candidates for a top job with Sir Alan Sugar's group of companies - carrying out a range of tasks (face painting, washing cars, cooking, making a TV commercial, launching a product, selling sandwiches, etc.) in order to be in the winning team at the end of the day.

With catchphrases like 'this is a job interview from hell' and, carried over from the US version, 'You're fired', it can come across a bit more reality TV than business acumen. The eventual winners have ranged from nice Tim to liar Lee to dim Michelle to er, the other one. Strong characters tend to stay in until the last few weeks to give the viewer something to loathe.

Sir Alan's aides, Nick and Margaret, are good value to watch, their expressions showing their disdain for the candidates as they flunk one task after another. And yes, these high flyers are dim - the scary thing is that the candidates have top salary jobs outside of 'The Apprentice'! As a reality show, it's watchable and fun - even though the last two series have had candidates who play up to the camera more than their predecessors. As a business programme, it's fairly useless - even the tasks have got less interesting as the series has progressed.

Why are we - the British tax payers - paying for this absolute piece of garbage? 14 seasons of a complete and utter non-entity (Alan Sugar) - the epitome of capitalism gone wrong - braying, bullying, abusing and manipulating so-called contestants for a prize that seems to be absolutely worthless - employment by him. Could I, as a business man, bet the BBC to fund my 'talent' search? I don't think so... Could we please place this rubbish in the receptacles provided - or better still, just flush the entire, stupid idea... so that'll reside in posterity, along with Sugar - in its fitting home.

Fourteen aspiring business people (seven men and seven women) come together to go for one available job working for Sir Alan Sugar for $100,000 a year. However this is no ordinary job interview and instead of being a couple of days long the interview lasts about 12 weeks. Each week the two teams are given a task to carry out, the team that succeeds the most (in terms of sales generally) is rewarded but the team that loses is berated before three are selected for one final discussion before Sugar fires one.

I didn't bother with this show at first just because I'm not a massive fan of reality shows and this one looked like it was based on cruelty and shouting. However I gradually started to watch it and, although I don't worry about missing a show, I do enjoy it as a show. The task structure makes each week different and interesting for different reasons and I was surprised by how engaging each show was. Of course being a harder reality show it is driven forward by a lot of fighting, raised voices and confrontation but it is not forced or cruel for the sake of it – it just happens as a result of the structure and task. The dynamics of the characters are constantly interesting and it is impossible to watch it without getting drawn into the debate and judgement. This is why it works because it engages on this level – you won't like many of the people in the show and you may not like Sugar but it is the dramatic race against time and tensions that make it work.

I'm not totally convinced that the whole business concept rings true because for the type of job they are going for £100,000 a year isn't really that much money, plus their antics are not the sort of thing you expect from people in their earning bracket or areas of responsibilities. Some of them are smart, sharp and controlled but others you just have to wonder why they think anyone would want to give them a lot of responsibility. The tasks do require skills but they normally are more about the ability to work under a great deal of time pressure that makes them hard rather than requiring much more than good common sense. So aside from the link to business skills being a bit questionable this is quite an enjoyable show. It is cruel (Sugar plays the harsh host just like countless others) but mostly it is interesting and engaging to watch the two sides race against the clock (and each other) to complete their task. A winning formal then which, although it is a reality gameshow, stands out as one of the stronger reality gameshows.