[Darrius Sayle is on a large TV screen in the MI6 Headquarters, giving an interview to the BBC]

Alan Blunt: [pauses the video and stands up] We don't trust him.

Alex Rider: Why not?

Alan Blunt: Well, we don't trust anyone. It's sort of what we do.

Alex Rider: I'm too young to die!

Darrius Sayle: You're never too young to die.

Alex Rider: What is this place? Hogwarts?

Nadia Vole: It's a fishing village.

Alex Rider: It's nice.

Nadia Vole: Not if you're a fish.

[Alex dings a Xylophone]

Mr. Smithers: Don't do that!

Alex Rider: Why, is it dangerous?

Mr. Smithers: No, it's very annoying.

Jack Starbright: I met the most amazing guy down at the fish market today.

[Alex, who's heard this MANY times before, sighs and rolls his eyes]

Jack Starbright: You know what the problem with this country is, though? Every good-looking guy is either gay or married. Except for *you*, but you're too young.

Alex Rider: What about me?

Yassen Gregorovich: I had no instruction concerning you.

[re: his Physalia Physalis]

Darrius Sayle: It reminds me of myself.

Alex Rider: It's 99 percent water, has no brains and no anus.

[pause]

Darrius Sayle: [laughing] I think I'm going to like you.

Darrius Sayle: Darrius Smell. That's what they called me. Do you know why they called me that?

Alex Rider: Because you didn't wash?

Alex Rider: I get gadgets?

Alex Rider: What kind of people are you?

Alan Blunt: Ones that normally get their way.

[Sayle's security guard faces off with Alex. Alex bows. The guard returns the bow - and Alex kicks him in the crotch]

Alex Rider: Schoolboy trick.

[after one of the canisters crashes to the ground]

Clumsy Guard: I'm sorry! I won't do that again.

Yassen Gregorovich: No, you won't.

[shoots him]

Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Good day at school?

Alex Rider: [in Japanese] Why are we speaking Japanese?

Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Because we're having a special dinner.

Alex Rider: You're going to kill thousands of innocent people.

Darrius Sayle: No, no, of course not. I'll kill millions.

Alex Rider: If this is what you do to the winner, I'd hate to see how you treat the runner up.

Alex Rider: This doesn't change anything. You killed my uncle. You're still my enemy.

Yassen Gregorovich: I have a lot of enemies.

Alex Rider: This isn't over.

Yassen Gregorovich: Yes, Alex, it is. Go back to school. You don't belong to the same world as me. You should forget about me.

Alex Rider: I'll never forget you.

Yassen Gregorovich: That's your choice.

Alan Blunt: We want you to work for us.

Alex Rider: You're not being serious.

Alan Blunt: Actually, it's not my habit to make jokes.

Alex Rider: Well, you're making one now! I don't want to be a spy. In case you haven't noticed, I'm still at school.

Alex Rider: Mr. Grin, can you hear me?

[silence]

Alex Rider: Mr. Grin?

[silence]

Alex Rider: Ok, Mr. Grin, I want you to take me to London as fast as you can!

[Mr. Grin turns the helicopter sharply]

Nadia Vole: You are ze first child to experience ze power... ze vorld domination, of ze Stormbreaker. Zis model has already been loaded vis highly developed programs for all aspects of ze school curricular.

Alex Rider: Does it have pinball?

Nadia Vole: Zere ist no "pinballs"!

Jack Starbright: Is it just me or are those bankers weird?

Jack Starbright: What the heck are you doing? That's Ian's stuff!