Barney: Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro-I'm Broda!
Barney: It's gonna be legen... wait for it... dary!
Barney: Haaaaave you met Ted?
Barney: Suit up!
Barney: It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!
Lily: [Lily sees Barney hitting on Claudia] Oh, hell. No!
[grabs Barney by the ear and yanks him away from Claudia]
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
Barney: [confused] Wait... my eyes? Or my testicles?
Lily: [pause, thinks about it] One of each!
Barney: Challenge accepted!
[repeated during Barney's play to get back at Lily]
Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: [surprised] Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward.
[nervously smiles, then walks away]
Lily: You son of a bitch!
Ted: [whenever Marshall and Lily talk about having sex] Please don't.
Lily: Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?
Barney: What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!
[repeated line throughout season 9]
Lily: [Being handed a drink at the Farhampton Inn] Thank you, Linus.
Lily: You're playing hockey. With a basketball... and tennis rackets?
Marshall: It's BaskIceball, the greatest game ever. We invented it. it's Awesome!
Lily: Wait, BaskIceball? shouldn't it be Iceketball?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Ice... Ket... ball? that just sounds weird.
Marcus Eriksen: The game is BaskIceball. And I'm the best.
Lily: Well, maybe that's just cause you haven't seen *me* play.
[Lily throws the basketball to Marcus who throws it back to Marshall]
Marshall: Well, it's not exactly a sport for girls.
Lily: Well, that's funny cause your brother throws like a girl!
[Lily throws the ball back to Marcus]
Lily: [Marcus throws the ball hard and hits Lily in the face]
Barney: What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!
Barney: Elbert "Ickey" Woods, the Bengals were fools to cut you in '91. Your 1,525 rushing yards and 27 touchdowns will not be forgotten. So, Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse!
Ranjit: Pulling over
Barney: Was that chick at the end really a client?