This is one of the most unintentionally funny movies I have ever seen. The script defies logic and the acting is the worst I have seen in quite some time. I am still scratching my head and trying to figure out what they really wanted to do with this movie besides just be a really bad gore movie. Somehow a dead crow falls and hits a rock which rolls and down a hill and hits a doctors windshield which makes him crash into a bus transporting prisoners. The prisoners take him hostage and set out through the woods. Every at this point has heavy European accents and the background is obviously set around Germany, yet we are told that we are in Seattle! Okay, I guess? Well from there they walk into a fog and come out and there is an old cottage filled with people straight out of the 1700s. They speak like an olden time Yoda. We soon find out that these people are like vampires but look more like a a hairless werewolf/vampire hybrid if that makes sense. We have the standard slaughter scene of everyone but the doctor and this one female member of the tribe who has her inner vampire under control and helps him escape.
The cops catch up to the doctor and take him into custody. He has all the blood of the victims on his shoes but they can't find the house, so of course they are going to send him to jail. All the while we keep getting these black and white flashbacks of the doctor as a kid trading a toy clown to the female from the cottage for a cross that she gives him with a dog laying in between them.
Now we are in yet another bus transporting criminals. One of the men setting in the back of the bus says one of the funniest, unintentional gut busters of the year. We tries to pull off a thick southern accent and says "ahhh you don't wanna talk to Georgy Porgy". I laughed so hard that I had to pause the movie for at least 20 minutes.
The bus makes it to the same stretch of road when, you guessed it, another dead crow falls, hits another rock which rolls that spooks a deer into running out in front of a car and she hits the bus. Rinse and repeat. Now we have the doctor yet again in the woods with more convicts heading straight for the cottage again. In one of the oddest scenes in a movie, when they reach the cottage one of the convicts says I can see it all now and we see his thoughts in which he is drinking, raping women, throwing money around and smoking cigars. After this scene the doctor says "no it will go more like this" and we see his thought process of them all getting slaughtered. So did he read the guys mind or what? Anyways, the group enters the cabin, we have a very weird scene of the doctor removing a bullet from one of the convicts scrotum. What makes this scene weird is there is twangy country music playing the whole time that really does not fit the moment.
Once the monsters make it there we have the typical slaughter scene, with one exception that really left me perplexed. Everything in this house is from the 1700s, yet one of the convicts just casually bends down and picks up and chainsaw which starts with one pull of the string and starts sawing people. So this family lives like the 1700's, does everything that way, all their tools is that way, yet they have a gas powered chainsaw? Now were at the ending in which the doctor and the girl escapes. They make it to the road in which the doctor for some reason stands in the middle of the road with his eyes closed until, you guessed it, he is hit by a car which causes another bus crash. Only this time the girl is hit also and when she opens her eyes she is one of the monsters now. *sigh* I guess this means a sequel is unfortunately in the works. We cut to another black and white scene of the doctor full grown talking to the girl with the dog still between them and he thanks her.
Wonder if the state ever decided to check into this one stretch of road and see why so many bus crashes happen there and lose so many criminals there?
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