Batman: [in the interrogation room] Then why do you want to kill me?
The Joker: [giggling] I don't, I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
The Joker: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
Harvey Dent: [while having a fancy dinner with Bruce, Rachel and Natascha] You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
The Joker: You know. I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Harvey. When you and, uh...
Harvey Dent: Rachel!
The Joker: Rachel were being abducted. I was sitting in Gordon's cage. Now, *I* didn't rig those charges.
Harvey Dent: Your men. Your plan.
The Joker: Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just... *do* things.
Gambol: [to The Joker during a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
The Joker: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[Gambol's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who slams his face into the pencil and kills him]
The Joker: Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.
Bruce Wayne: [while in the underground bat cave] Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.
Alfred Pennyworth: With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce Wayne: So why steal them?
Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Joker: [to Det. Stephens in the interrogation room] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
Batman: Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded...
James Gordon Jr.: Batman? Batman! Why's he running dad?
Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
Cop: Okay we're going in! Go, go! Move!
James Gordon Jr.: He didn't do anything wrong.
Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.
Gambol's Bodyguard: Yo, Gambol, there's somebody here for you. They say they just killed the Joker.
Gambol's Bodyguard: They brought the body.
[a body bag is brought in and dropped on the table; Gambol unzips it, revealing Joker's face]
Gambol: So. For dead, that's 500...
The Joker: [sitting up and sticking a blade in Gambol's mouth] How 'bout alive?
[Joker's men hold the bodyguards]
The Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars? My father, was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me and says, "Why so serious?" Comes at me with the knife. "WHY SO SERIOUS?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face." And...
[glancing at thug]
The Joker: Why so serious?
The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
[Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at himself]
The Joker: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!
[still holding the gun, Two-Face pauses and takes out his coin]
Two-Face: [showing Joker the good side] You live.
The Joker: Mm-hmm.
Two-Face: [showing the scarred side] You die.
The Joker: Mmm, now we're talking.
Lucius Fox: [to Reese] Let me get this straight, you think that your client, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person?
[Reese's face falls and Fox smiles]
Lucius Fox: Good luck.
The Joker: [in a warehouse next to a mountain of money] All you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!
Harvey Dent: [during a press conference] The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
The Joker: [in the interrogation room] I want... my phone call. I want it. I want it! I want my phone call!
Detective Stephens: That's nice.
The Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?
Detective Stephens: I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it.
Detective Stephens: And you've killed six of my friends.
The Joker: [mouths "six?"]
Batman: [in the back of a factory at 250 52nd Street] What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act! We three!
Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?
Batman: It wasn't.
Two-Face: The Joker chose ME!
Batman: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: [bitter] And he was right.
The Joker: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Gentleman at Party: We're not intimidated by thugs!
The Joker: [as he smacks his lips] You know, you remind me of my father.
[the Joker pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
The Joker: I hated my father!
Rachel Dawes: [off-screen] Okay, stop!
[turns to face Rachel, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Rachel, adjusting his hair with the knife]
The Joker: Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you *are* beautiful.
[he walks around her]
The Joker: Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?
[He grabs Rachel's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
The Joker: Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...
[the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
The Joker: ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
[Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
The Joker: A little fight in you. I like that.
Batman: [off-screen] Then you're gonna love me.
The Joker: [while hanging upside down] Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
The Joker: Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
[the Joker laughs hysterically as Batman races off and the cops come to take the Joker into custody]
Lt. James Gordon: [in the interrogation room] Harvey Dent never made it home.
The Joker: Of course not.
Lt. James Gordon: What have you done with him?
The Joker: Me? I was right here.
[holds up his arms in handcuffs]
The Joker: Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still *your* people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
Lt. James Gordon: Where is he?
The Joker: What's the time?
Lt. James Gordon: What difference does that make?
The Joker: Well, depending on the time, he may be in one spot, or several.
Lt. James Gordon: If we're gonna play games...
[takes off Joker's handcuffs]
Lt. James Gordon: I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
The Joker: Ah, the good cop, bad cop routine?
Lt. James Gordon: Not exactly.
The Chechen: [in a warehouse next to a mountain of money] Joker-man, what you do with all your money?
The Joker: You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline!
[he pours gasoline on the mountain of cash]
The Chechen: [panicked] What the...?
The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta. And you know the thing they have in common? They're cheap.
The Joker: [after a news segment] I had a vision, of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down, one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes then I blow up a hospital.
Salvatore Maroni: [in the back seat of his car] Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?
Two-Face: Can't hurt your chances.
Salvatore Maroni: It was Ramirez.
[Two-Face pulls the coin out and cocks his gun]
Salvatore Maroni: [panicking] But you said...
Two-Face: I said it couldn't hurt your chances.
[flips coin; good side]
Two-Face: You're a lucky man.
[flips again; bad side]
Two-Face: He's not.
Salvatore Maroni: Who?
Two-Face: [buckles seat belt] Your driver.
[He shoots the driver in the back; the car goes flying off the road]
[bumps along while driving a hijacked semi truck]
The Joker: [driving in the driver's seat] I like this job - I like it!
The Joker: [SPOILER] We really should stop this fighting, otherwise we'll miss the fireworks!
Batman: [while being pinned down on the platform next to the ledge of a building that's still under construction] There won't *be* any fireworks!
The Joker: And here... we... go!
[Silence. Nothing happens. Confused, Joker turns to look at the clock, which shows that it's past midnight and neither ferry has blown the other up]
Batman: [triumphantly] What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're alone!
The Joker: [sighs] Can't rely on anyone these days, you have to do everything yourself, don't we!
Harvey Dent: Alfred, right?
Alfred Pennyworth: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] That's right, sir.
Harvey Dent: Yeah, Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, not yet, sir.
Harvey Dent: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Alfred Pennyworth: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.
The Joker: [stumbles out of wrecked truck, playing chicken with Batman] Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. Hit me!
Alfred Pennyworth: [while in the underground bat cave] Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Batman has no limits.
Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce Wayne: Well, can't afford to know 'em.
Alfred Pennyworth: And what happens on the day that you find out?
Bruce Wayne: Well, we all know how much you love to say "I told you so."
Alfred Pennyworth: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to. Probably.
The Joker: [over the PA] Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote... to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose... oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble.
The Joker: Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.
Batman: [grabs Joker] Where's Dent?
The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you!
Lt. James Gordon: [as Batman slams Joker into the wall] He's in control.
Batman: I have one rule.
The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Batman: [getting impatient] Which is?
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.
[mimicking Batman's voice]
The Joker: And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
Batman: I'm considering it.
The Joker: Oh, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you wanna save one of them.
Batman: [softly, fearful] Them?
The Joker: You know for awhile there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her.
[Joker laughs, Batman throws Joker on table, barricades door]
The Joker: Look at you go! Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?
Batman: [slams Joker into mirror] Where are they?
The Joker: Killing is making a choice.
Batman: [punches Joker] Where are they?
The Joker: Choose between one life or the other. Your friend, the district attorney, or his blushing bride-to-be...
The Joker: [laughs] You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with! Nothing to do with all your strength!
The Joker: Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you where they are. Both of them. And that's the point. You'll have to choose. He's at 250 52ND Street and she's on Avenue X, at Cicero.
Grumpy: That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he'd have had us bring a bigger car.
[promptly draws his gun and points it a Bozo]
Grumpy: I'm bettin' the Joker told you to kill me as soon as we loaded the cash.
Bozo: [looks at his watch, checking it. He sighs] No, no no no. I kill the bus driver.
Grumpy: [as Bozo moves a few paces to one side] Bus driver? What bus driver?
[a yellow school bus reverses through the bank's doors and knocks Grumpy down. The driver jumps out]
Bus Driver: School's out! Time to go!
Bus Driver: Cat's not gettin' up, is he?
Bus Driver: That's a lot of money. What happened to the rest of the guys?
[Bozo casually shoots the bus driver dead, then picks up the last duffel and throws it into the bus. Bozo prepares to climb in]
Gotham National Bank Manager: Think you're smart, huh? The guy that hired youze, he'll just do the same to you. Oh, criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
Bozo: [putting a gas grenade in the banker's mouth] I believe, whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you...
[takes off his mask revealing the face of the Joker]
The Joker: ...stranger.
Bruce Wayne: [while in the underground bat cave] People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
Bruce Wayne: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say "I told you so."
Alfred Pennyworth: Today, I don't want to.
[pauses for several moments]
Alfred Pennyworth: But I did bloody tell you.
The Joker: [upon entering the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent while his henchmen follow behind him] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
[nobody responds; The Joker walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone]
The Joker: You know where Harvey is? You know who he is?
[grabs a man's face]
The Joker: You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something, a little.
[turns the man's face away]
The Joker: No...
Lt. James Gordon: [after Bruce saves Reese by blocking a truck with his car] It's mister Wayne, isn't it? That was a very brave thing you did!
Bruce Wayne: Trying to catch the light?
Lt. James Gordon: You weren't protecting the van?
Bruce Wayne: Why, who's in it?
[Reese steps out, sees Bruce, who nods slightly]
Bruce Wayne: Do you think I should go to the hospital?
Lt. James Gordon: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
Alfred Pennyworth: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Did you get mauled by a tiger?
Bruce Wayne: [quietly] It was a dog.
Alfred Pennyworth: Huh?
Bruce Wayne: It was a big dog!
Bruce Wayne: More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
Alfred Pennyworth: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
The Joker: [the Joker has Brain Douglas captured and is recording him] Tell them your name.
Brian: Brian... Douglas.
The Joker: Are you the real Batman?
The Joker: No?
The Joker: No? Then why do you dress up like him?
[grabs Brian's mask and dangles it in front of the camera]
The Joker: whooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Brian: Because he's a symbol that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
The Joker: Oh you do, Brian. You really do. Yeah. Oh shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. So, you think Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hmm? Look at me. LOOK AT ME!
[turns camera to himself]
The Joker: You see? This is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
The Joker: [During a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] If we don't deal with this now, soon little, uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
Gambol: [explodes] Enough from the clown!
[He rises to his feet; Joker does too, opening his coat to reveal a cluster of grenades, attached to a string around his thumb]
The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not *blow*...
Man No. 1: Shit!
The Joker: ...this out of proportion.
Rachel Dawes: [narrating her letter to Bruce as Alfred reads it] Dear Bruce. I need to be honest and clear. I'm going to marry Harvey Dent. I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But now I'm sure the day won't come when *you* no longer need Batman. I hope it does; and if it does I will be there, but as your friend. I'm sorry to let you down. If you lose your faith in me, please keep your faith in people. Love, now and always, Rachel.
Two-Face: You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced... fair. His son's got the same chance she had. Fifty-fifty.
Batman: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act. We three.
Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?
Batman: [grieved] It wasn't...
[last lines in the back of a factory]
James Gordon Jr.: Why's he running, Dad?
Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
James Gordon Jr.: He didn't do anything wrong.
Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.
Bruce Wayne: ...Because sometimes truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more.
Lucius Fox: [Wayne Enterprises accountant Coleman Reese believes that he's discovered Batman's secret identity]
Lucius Fox: [in his office] Let me get this straight. You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands; and your plan, is to *blackmail* this person?
[pause, Reese looks nervous]
Lucius Fox: Good luck.
Batman: in the interrogation roomWhere is Dent?
The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you.
Lt. James Gordon: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control.
Batman: I have one rule.
The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Batman: Which is?
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.
[mimicking Batman's voice]
The Joker: And tonight you're gonna break your one rule!
Batman: I'm considering it.
The Joker: Oh, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.
Batman: [softly, fearful] Them?
The Joker: You know for a while there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her!
The Joker: [to the mob after performing his "magic trick," during a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] Oh, and by the way, the suit, it wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.
Harvey Dent: [on TV] I don't know about Mr. Lau's travel arrangements, but I'm sure glad he's here.
The Chechen: I put word out. We hire the clown.
[looks at the others]
The Chechen: He was right. We have to fix real problems: Batman.
[They don't see Gordon enter]
Lt. James Gordon: Ah our boy looks good on the tube.
Salvatore Maroni: You sure you want to embarrass me in front of my friends, Lieutenant?
Lt. James Gordon: Don't worry. They're coming too.
[Other cops enter and arrest the mobsters in the restaurant. Cuts to various locations in Gotham City, as the police do a massive round up of the mobsters in town. We see Stephens loading one thug into a police car, underneath an 'L' line, saying]
Detective Stephens: Have a nice trip. See you next fall.
[cuts to a courtroom, where Judge Surillo is reading the massive charges]
Judge Surrillo: 747 counts of extortion, 849 counts of racketeering, 246 counts of fraud, 87 counts of conspiracy to murder...
[as she flips through the documents, she finds a Joker playing card]
Judge Surrillo: ... 527 counts of obstruction of justice. How do the defendants plead?
[a massive army of defense lawyers start jostling and yelling all at once. The stenographer looks up, confused]
Judge Surrillo: Order! Order in the court!
[cut to the Mayor's office, where the Mayor is berating Harvey for his actions. Gordon and Commissioner Loeb are also present]
Mayor Anthony Garcia: 549 criminals at once. How did you convince Surillo to hear this farce?
Harvey Dent: She shares my enthusiasm for justice. After all, she is a judge.
Mayor Anthony Garcia: Well even if you're able to blow enough smoke to get convictions out of Surillo, you're going to set a new record at appeals for quickest kick in the ass.
Harvey Dent: It won't matter. The head guys make bail, sure... but the mid-level guys, they can't, and they can't afford to be off the streets long enough for trial and appeal. They'll cut deals that include *some* jail time. Think of all you could do with 18 months of clean streets.
[the Mayor waves Gordon and Commissioner Loeb out]
Mayor Anthony Garcia: The public likes you, Dent. That's the *only* reason this might fly. But that means it's on you. They're all coming after you now. Not just the mob: politicians, journalists, cops. Anyone whose wallet's about to get lighter. Are you up to it?
Mayor Anthony Garcia: You better be. They get anything back on you, those criminals will be back on the streets...
[he walks over to the window and looks out]
Mayor Anthony Garcia: Followed swiftly by you and me.
[a dead Batman wanna-be in Joker makeup, with the sides of his mouth sliced into a grin, bangs into the window, causing the mayor to jump. Police lower the dead body, which is hanging from a noose, and they find a Joker card that says "WILL THE REAL BATMAN PLEASE STAND UP?"]
The Joker: [to the Chechen] Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work... for a FREAK!
The Joker: [pulls out a knife] Freak? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see just how loyal a hungry dog REALLY is!
The Joker: [half to himself] It's not about money... its about sending a message.
The Joker: [dialing on a cell phone while a mountain of money burns behind him] Everything burns!
[Batman has just fought off Scarecrow and a group of Batman wannabes]
Batman: Don't let me find you out here again.
Brian: We're trying to help you!
Batman: I don't need help.
Dr. Jonathan Crane: Not my diagnosis!
Brian: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?
[Batman lowers himself into the Batmobile]
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads!
Bruce Wayne: I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight. But this is different, they crossed the line.
Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You hammered then and in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand. Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Joker: [Is about to unmask the unconscious Batman but Gordon suddenly points a gun to his head] Arrrgh! Could you *please* just give me a minute?
Lt. James Gordon: [to Harvey Dent] Everyone knows you're Gotham's White Knight.
Harvey Dent: [in his hospital room] Remember that name you all had for me when I was at Internal Affairs? What was it, Gordon?
Lt. James Gordon: Harvey, I...
Harvey Dent: Say it.
Two-Face: Say it!
Lt. James Gordon: Two-Face. Harvey Two-Face.
[Dent turns his head, showing Gordon the mutilated side of his face]
Harvey Dent: Why should I hide who I am?
The Joker: [after a news segment, holds camera facing himself] See, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die, starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[Lau announces that he's removed all the mob's cash from their banks before the police raid, and stashed them in a secure location]
Lau: [during a video conference with the gangsters, interrupting their private sit down meeting] For obvious reasons, I couldn't wait for your permission. Rest assured, your money is safe.
[From outside comes the sound of loud, fake laughter. The mob bosses turn and see the Joker enter]
The Joker: And I thought my jokes were bad.
[During the bank heist, the bank manager produces a shotgun and starts blasting away. Bozo and Grumpy dive for cover]
Gotham National Bank Manager: Do you have any idea who you're stealing from? You and your friends are dead!
Grumpy: He's out, right?
[Bozo thinks a moment, then nods. Grumpy stands and takes aim, only to take the manager's last round in his shoulder, allowing Bozo to shoot the manager in the leg]
Grumpy: Where did you learn to count?
The Joker: [to Gambol's thugs, being held helpless by his own] Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for "aggressive" expansion. So, which of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have...
[breaks pool cue over knee]
The Joker: Tryouts.
[throws broken pool cue at the thugs]
The Joker: Make it fast.
[the Batpod charges towards in the semi truck]
The Joker: [sitting in the drivers seat in the semi truck] Ooohhh. You want to play. Come on!
The Joker: [in a warehouse next to a mountain of money] Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work for a freak...
The Joker: [mocking his accent] A freak...
[pulls out his switchblade and tosses it to some goons, who grab the Chechen]
The Joker: Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money... it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
Bruce Wayne: [in an empty conference room] I need a new suit.
Lucius Fox: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
[hands him a diagram]
Lucius Fox: You want to be able to turn your head.
Bruce Wayne: Sure would make backing out of the driveway easier.
[the Batpod emerges from an alleyway]
The Joker: Now there's a Batman!
Two-Face: The joker chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: And he was right.
Batman: You're the one pointing the gun, Harvey. So point it at the people responsible.
Two-Face: Fair enough.
Two-Face: You first.
[Flips the coin]
Two-Face: [Shoots Batman and points the gun at himself]
Two-Face: My turn.
Lucius Fox: [On the plan to capture Lau] Now, for high altitude jumps, you'll need oxygen and stabilizers; but I must say, compared to your usual requests, jumping out of an airplane is pretty straightforward.
Bruce Wayne: And what about getting back into the plane?
Lucius Fox: I'd recommend a good travel agent.
Bruce Wayne: Without it landing.
Lucius Fox: Now that's more like it. The CIA had a program back in the 60s for getting their people out of hotspots called Skyhook. We could look into that.
Batman: [to the Joker in the interrogation room] You wanted me, here I am.
Lucius Fox: No, I really came to tell you that our business deal has to be put on hold. You see, we can't afford to be seen to do business with whatever it is you're accused of being. I'm sure a businessman of your stature will understand.
Lau: I think, Mr. Fox, a simple phone call might have sufficed.
Lucius Fox: Mr. Wayne didn't want you to think that he was deliberately wasting your time.
Lau: Just accidentally wasting it.
Lucius Fox: That's very good, Mr. Lau. Accidentally. Very good.
The Joker: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
Grumpy: [with Chuckles, picks up Bozo on the street] Three of a kind, let's do this!
Chuckles: Huh, that's it? Three guys?
Grumpy: Plus two guys on the roof. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.
Chuckles: *Six* shares. Don't forget the guy who planned the job.
Grumpy: If he thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice I know why they call him "The Joker".
Happy: [up on the roof, breaking open the alarm box with Dopey] So why do they call him "the Joker"?
Dopey: I hear he wears makeup.
Happy: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.
Grumpy: [On the street, Bozo, Grumpy and Chuckles get out of their car and run inside the bank. Grumpy fires off a round into the air to grab the attention of the customers and tellers] All right, everybody! Hands up, heads down!
[In the background, Chuckles overpowers one of the guards]
Grumpy: Let's put hands up, heads down!
[grabs a teller by his collar and pulls him over his desk]
Grumpy: Let's go, pal! I'm making a withdrawal here!
[He then points his gun at a female teller]
Grumpy: I said hands up!
Dopey: [waiting eagerly with Happy on the roof] Here comes the silent alarm...
[presses a button to disable it]
Dopey: ... and there it goes!
[Downstairs, Grumpy has managed to pull the female teller over the counter]
Dopey: That's funny. It didn't dial out to 911 - it was trying to reach a private number.
Happy: Is there a problem?
Dopey: Nah, nah. I'm done here.
[Happy shoots him, steals his bag, and rushes downstairs into the vault. In the lobby, Bozo is sticking gas grenades in the hostages' hands and pulling the pins]
Grumpy: Obviously we don't want you doing anything with your hands other than holding on to dear life!
The Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: there's no going back. You've changed things... forever.
Batman: [about Lau] If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?
Harvey Dent: I'll get him to sing.
Lt. James Gordon: We're going after the mob's life savings. Things will get ugly.
Harvey Dent: I knew the risks when I took this job, Lieutenant.
[turns back to Batman]
Harvey Dent: How will you get him back any...
[Batman has disappeared]
Lt. James Gordon: He does that.
Mike Engel: [after a news segment, kidnapped by the Joker, Engel is reading a prepared statement] "I'm Mike Engel for Gotham Tonight. What does it take to make you people join in? You failed to kill the lawyer. I've got to get you off the bench..."
The Joker: Bench...
Mike Engel: "And into the game."
The Joker: ...game.
Mike Engel: "Come nightfall, this city is mine..."
The Joker: Mine...
Mike Engel: "... and anyone left here plays by my rules."
The Joker: ...rules.
Mike Engel: "If you don't want to be in the game... get out now.
The Joker: ...get out now
Mike Engel: But the bridge and tunnel crowd are sure in for a surprise. Ha ha ha ha."
[while cross-examining one of Maroni's thugs on the witness stand, the thug pulls a gun and fires it at Harvey Dent; it mis-fires, and Harvey decks the thug with a right cross, and takes the gun away]
Harvey Dent: Carbon fiber, .28 Caliber, made in China.
[puts it on the table in front of Maroni]
Harvey Dent: If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American.
Judge Freel: [to policemen holding the thug] Get him out of here!
Harvey Dent: But, Your Honor, I'm not done.
[cheers from the gallery]
The Chechen: [after bringing out a man under the influence of fear toxin] Look at what your drugs did to my customers.
Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.
The Chechen: My business... repeat customers...
Scarecrow: If you don't like what I have to offer, you can buy from someone else. Assuming Batman left anyone to buy from.
Harvey Dent: Well, I guess no answer is a no.
Rachel Dawes: Harvey...
Harvey Dent: It's someone else, isn't it?
Rachel Dawes: Harvey...
Harvey Dent: Just tell me it's not Wayne, the guy's a complete...
[Bruce comes up behind him and grabs him in a chokehold]
Rachel Dawes: What are you doing?
Bruce Wayne: [as Harvey falls unconscious] They're coming for him!
Alfred Pennyworth: You spat in the faces of Gotham's worse criminals. Didn't you think there might be some casualties? Things were always going to get worse before they got better.
Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they were places you wanted to go!
The Joker: [During a private sit down with the gangsters] Let's wind the clocks back a year: These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you, so what happened? Did your balls drop off? I know why you choose to have your "group therapy" sessions in broad daylight, I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. Batman has shown your true colors. Unfortunately, Dent, he's just the beginning.
Two-Face: [in the back seat of his car while pointing a gun at him] Going to join your wife? Do you love her?
Salvatore Maroni: Yes.
Two-Face: Did you ever wonder what it would be like to listen to her die?
Salvatore Maroni: Look, take it up with the Joker. He killed your woman. He made you - like this.
[gestures at Harvey's face]
Two-Face: The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash.
The Joker: [upon entering the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] We made it!
[while fighting with Batman, Joker knocks him down and raises a knife]
The Joker: All the old familiar places...
Gambol: I'm putting the word out: Five hundred grand for this clown dead, a million alive so I can teach him some manners first.
The Joker: [in the interrogation room]
The Joker: See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.
Bruce Wayne: [in his high rise apartment] You know that day that you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.
Rachel Dawes: Bruce. You can't ask me to wait for that.
Bruce Wayne: It's happening now. Harvey is that hero. He locked up half of the city's criminals, and he did it without wearing a mask. Gotham needs a hero with a face.
Batman: [seeing the wall of monitors for the first time at the Applied Sciences division in Wayne Enterprises] Beautiful, isn't it?
Lucius Fox: Beautiful... unethical... dangerous. You've turned every cellphone in Gotham into a microphone.
Batman: And a high-frequency generator-receiver.
Lucius Fox: You took my sonar concept and applied it to every phone in the city. With half the city feeding you sonar, you can image all of Gotham. This is *wrong*.
Batman: I've gotta find this man, Lucius.
Lucius Fox: At what cost?
Batman: The database is null-key encrypted. It can only be accessed by one person.
Lucius Fox: This is too much power for one person.
Batman: That's why I gave it to you. Only you can use it.
Lucius Fox: Spying on 30 million people isn't part of my job description.
[During a bank heist, the Joker has tricked all his men into killing each other, one after the other. One of the last ones, getting wise, points his gun at another thug, who still has his mask on]
Grumpy: I'm betting The Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
Bozo: No. No, no, no. I kill the bus driver.
Grumpy: [confused] Bus driver? What bus dri-?
[a school bus drives through the wall and kills Grumpy]
Happy: [after cracking open the bank's safe] They wired this thing up with, like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
Grumpy: A mob bank. I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
Happy: Boss told me, when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, right?
Grumpy: Funny, he told me something similar.
Happy: No, no, no-!
[Grumpy shoots him]
[Rachel discovers Dent's coin is two-faced]
Rachel Dawes: [smiling sardonically] You make your own luck...
Commissioner Gillian B. Loeb: [regarding The Joker's threat on his life] You're unlikely to discover this for yourself, so take my word, the police commissioner gets a lot of threats. I found the appropriate response to these situations a long time ago.
[pulls out a bottle of whiskey and glass]
Lt. James Gordon: Dent is in there with them! We have to save Dent! *I* have to save Dent!
The Joker: You'll see. I'll show you.
Two-Face: Did she believe you?
Det. Ramirez: Yes.
Two-Face: Of course she did. Because she trusts you. Just like Rachel did.
Det. Ramirez: I didn't know what they were...
Two-Face: You didn't know what they were gonna do? You're the second cop to say that to me. What, *exactly*, did you think they were going to do?
Det. Ramirez: They got me early on, my mother's hospital bills, and I...
Det. Ramirez: [crying] I'm sorry...
[Harvey flips the coin]
Two-Face: Live to fight another day, officer.
[He knocks her unconscious with the butt of his gun]
The Joker: [talking about crashing the helicopter] Okay, rack 'em up. Rack 'em up, rack 'em up, rack 'em up.
Lt. James Gordon: [speaking to Harvey Dent in his office] If I didn't work with cops you investigated while you were making your name at I.A. I'd be working alone. I don't get political points for being an idealist, I have to do the best I can with what I have.
Salvatore Maroni: [to Batman who is interrogating him about The Joker] No one's gonna tell you nothin'. They're wise to your act. You got rules. The Joker, he's got no rules. No one's gonna cross him to you. You want this guy, you got one way. But you already know what that is. Just take off that mask and let him come find you. Or you gonna let a couple more people get killed while you make your mind?
[Gordon meets his wife after he faked his death]
Lt. James Gordon: I'm sorry, I couldn't risk your safety...
[Gordon's wife slaps him and then embraces him]
[the night Gordon is shot, his wife opens her door and sees Stephens and Ramirez]
Barbara Gordon: [realizing why they've come] No!
Detective Stephens: I'm so sorry, Barbara...
Barbara Gordon: [pushing Jimmy away] Jimmy, go play with your sister, go ahead.
[Stephens hugs her as she sobs]
Detective Stephens: If there's anything I can do...
Barbara Gordon: [to Batman in the shadows] Are you up there? Are you? You brought this craziness on us! You did! You brought this on us...
Rachel Dawes: Bruce... if you turn yourself in, they're not gonna let us be together.
Mayor: We must remember that vigilance is the price of safety.
Passenger: [after no one volunteers to push the detonator on the ferry] No one wants to get their hands dirty. Fine I'll do it. Those men on that boat, they made their choices, they chose to murder and steal. It doesn't make any sense for all of us to die too.
Lau: [During a video conference with the gangsters] As you're all aware, one of our deposits were stolen. It was a relatively small amount: sixty million dollars.
The Chechen: Who's stupid enough to steal from us?
Salvatore Maroni: Some two-bit whack job. Wears a cheap purple suit and makeup. He's not the problem. The problem is our money being tracked by the cops.
Lau: Thanks to Mr. Maroni's well-placed sources, we know the police have indeed identified our banks using marked bills and are planning to seize your funds today. And since the enthusiastic new DA has put all my competitors out of business, I'm your only option.
The Chechen: What do you propose?
Lau: Moving all secure deposits to one location, not a bank.
Gambol: Where then?
Lau: No one can know but me. If the police were to gain leverage over one of you, then everyone's money would be at stake.
The Chechen: What will stop them from getting to you?
Lau: I'll go to Hong Kong, far from Dent's jurisdiction, and the Chinese will not extradite one of their own.
Salvatore Maroni: How soon can you move the money?
Lau: I already have.
The Joker: [Referring to Lau from the video conference to the gangsters] And as for the television's so-called "plan", Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him and make him squeal. I know the squealers when I see them, and...
[he indicates Lau, who shuts off the video conference]
Male Guest: [as Bruce as he enters his bedroom, referring to the sound of the shot gun shot fired by the Joker during the party] what's going on out there? Wayne!
Female Guest: [while Bruce ignores them as he presses a button to open the door to a secret hiding room inside his bedroom] thank God, you've got a panic room
Male Guest: [to Bruce as the door to the secret hiding room closes after he goes inside] wait
Female Guest: [referring to Bruce ignoring them and leaving them behind] you've got to be kidding me
Lt. James Gordon: [pointing a shotgun at the Joker after the armored car chase] We got you, you son of a bitch!
[the Bat-Signal appears in the sky]
The Chechen: This is why we bring dogs!
[while Grumpy overpowers two of the tellers in the bank, Happy and Dopey wait for the silent alarm to come]
Dopey: Here comes the silent alarm...
[disables it by pressing a button]
Dopey: And there it goes.
Dopey: That's funny, it didn't dial out to 9-1-1. It was trying to reach a private number.
Happy: Is it a problem?
Dopey: Nah, I'm done here.
[Happy shoots him with a silenced Beretta 92SB-C, then takes his bag and runs down into the vault]
[during the bank heist, Bozo subdues the terrified customers and employees by putting grenades in their hands and pulling the pins]
Grumpy: Obviously, we don't want you doing anything with your hands except hanging on for dear life!
Thug at Party: [as he guards an empty hallway inside Bruce's penthouse apartment during a fund raiser party for Harvey Dent, to Bruce before getting beat up and disarmed by him] Hands up pretty boy.
Cop Heckler: No more dead cops!
Lt. James Gordon: [Racing to save Rachel from her rigged building] Mount the curb!
Shotgun SWAT: [to the driver after the garbage truck rams their SWAT van from the back] come on, get us out of here, let's go
Detective Stephens: [to the Joker, as he is about to beat him] I know you're gonna enjoy this. I'm gonna try and have to enjoy it even more.
Convoy Leader: [after seeing the firetruck on fire while blocking their path, nervously over the radio to the police cars in their convoy] what the hell is that? Obstruction ahead obstruction ahead, damn it, all units divert down to lower fifth. I repeat exit down.
Uniform Cop: [to the driver of the semi truck after he impatiently honks the horn several times, before being shot by a shotgun by the Joker] hey, you wait like everybody else pal
Armored Car SWAT: [to the SWAT team in the back, after the garbage truck rams their SWAT van from the back] we're in trouble guys
Shotgun SWAT: [after hearing over the radio to change the direction of their route] lower fifth? We'll be like turkeys on thanksgiving down there.
[the Joker has rigged two ferries to explode, one filled with prison inmates, one with ordinary people, giving each ferry one detonator and telling them they have to blow up the other, or he'll blow up both. A prisoner approaches the warden, who's holding the detonator]
Tattooed Prisoner: You don't want to die, but you don't know how to take a life. Give it to me; these men would kill you, and take it anyway. Give it to me. You can tell 'em I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago.
[Scared, the warden hands over the detonator. The prisoner looks at it, then throws it out the window]