Adelaide Bourbon: [to Liam] To Shanghai? Who moves to Shanghai? No one does that, no one moves to Shanghai!

Adelaide Bourbon: F*** Sugar Sally, f*** her up her sugary a**!

Joe Silverman: Listen to yourself, man! You're moving to Shanghai for a girl! A *Chinese* girl for Godsakes!

Liam Liu: This is not just about the girl.

Joe Silverman: Then what is it?

Liam Liu: It just -- it *feels* right! I'm Chinese. I gotta go back to my roots.

Joe Silverman: [scoffs] All right, slow down, Kunta Kinte. You don't even speak Chinese. What the hell are you gonna do? What, drive a rickshaw?

Liam Liu: I can learn Chinese.

Joe Silverman: Learn Chinese?! Liam, you barely speak English!

Liam Liu: Don't call me Liam. Liam's my slave name.

Joe Silverman: Cute.

Liam Liu: Every time I go out on something, Joe, it's always for some Kung Fu Deli Store Computer Chinese...

Joe Silverman: You're a Chinese guy, you're gonna go for roles for little Chinese guys.

Liam Liu: That is bullshit, I was born in New York, how about a role for somebody in New York?

Joe Silverman: Nobody asked you to quit college and try your hands in the lucrative world of motion picture and television.

Liam Liu: What am I gonna do with a degree, I'm gonna spend 8 hours a day, trapped in a little cubicle, making one of those desktop zen guards.

Adelaide Bourbon: I feel so shi**y now!

Casting Director: So... you know Kung Fu?

Liam Liu: [Caught off guard] Er...

Casting Director: What Color belt are you?

Liam Liu: Er... I... I... I don't have a belt. Oh... you know what I love? I love suspenders.

Casting Director: You don't know martial arts?

Liam Liu: No...

Casting Director: It says on your resume that you know martial arts.

Liam Liu: Is... is there martial arts in this commercial? I thought it was for toothpaste?