28 September 2017 | skylarleeson
The Golden Ding-Dong of a Bar Star
First and foremost, I personally want to thank Donnie Pintron for showing me the ways of the bass. Throughout this intellectual movie I have reconsidered my very religion itself, all so I could feed from the nipple of Donnie Pintron. Before this movie, I could not properly understand the language of the Gods. I now drink 40 Taurines a day because it is the nectar of the Gods. I have now achieved inner peace with myself and I will ascend to Nirvana (where Kurt Cobain lies.) where I hope that I, too, will become a Bar Star. This movie isn't just about finding your religion. It is about embracing that you will never, ever have a smarter movie than this. Every time you watch this movie, you learn more and more about yourself. This movie takes away your fragile virginity again, and again, and again, and you simply let it. The characters are the most fleshed out characters I have ever seen in a movie. Ever. You have Donnie. You have the megaphone man. The awkward main character. Douglass. The guy who speaks in weird speeches that are supposed to be deep but just confuse you further. Small mouth man, or as the movie calls him - surfer dude. When you see these characters in action, there is nothing that can compare. The utter chemistry alone between these characters is so fluent, you feel like you're actually there. But then you realize this is the movie of the Gods, and your presence cannot ascend to such a higher plane of existence. Donnie Pintron could punch me and I would personally thank him myself, granted he allows me VIP access. He's a sex god whose nipples are the work of Jesus himself and that has a penis made of gold, which is totally not at all a bluff and is 100% real. Someday, I do hope that my children, and their children, and their children's children will know the legacy that is this movie. This movie is a religious relic, something you must past down generation to generation. When humanity has become extinct, this is the movie that will be the last reminder of the homosapien race. I'm looking forward to the sequel, Bar Starz II: The Next Generation.