I can't believe a network once devoted to science would actually air this kind of crap. Every episode is the same: A bunch of middle-American white people, usually Christian nuts, anonymously and profusely attest to having been "haunted" by various supernatural phenomena; of course none of which is actually substantiated. Sometimes "professional ghost-hunters" and "paranorma researchers" are featured in these ridiculous stories, and they invariably come away from the so-purported haunted houses and families with little more than unintelligible, staticy audio and/or video. Often, the family's pastor, priest, whatever will survey the site and simply convince them to strengthen their Christian beliefs and routines, and all will be well. Usually, it is. This series sooner belongs on PAX or INSP than Discovery.
I don't know if it's just that I'm hard to scare, or what, but this show is about as frightening as a cheesecake. The only thing remotely scary about it is that somewhere, somebody's actually taking it seriously.
Tonight's episode is what led me to writing this. The story is by far the most aggravatingly dumb one yet. The family involved consists of a husband and wife, a teenish daughter, and a seemingly haunted young son. Initially, nobody but the son can hear the voice of a malevolent spirit known only as "Man"; "Man" seems to inspire him to behave psychopathically, defying his parents, assaulting his mother, destroying his toys, urinating in his closet, and attempting to smother the family's kitten under couch cushions. Sounds like Junior has a problem with Oppositional-Defiant Disorder to me.
Most bizarre of all his incidents, his mother (the only member of the family interviewed) insists that while he was watched by his cousin, he caused toys to levitate in mid-air in her bedroom. Right. The trouble only continues and worsens past the attempted kitten murder with the phantom Man eventually materializing in front of Junior's mother in a dramatic and violent attack, what with the yelling and pushing and laughing and all.
Deciding not on a visit to a qualified psychologist, she consults with some kind of psychic or medium or whatever you want to call him; he had long hair and a braided headband, so I guess he was qualified in these situations. He prescribes a typical"new age" technique involving the dumping of a combination of olive oil, sweet grass, and other herbal sundries around the property, before a session of walking around with burning sage and Christian prayer in the front yard. Junior's mother then gives us a wild account of the house shaking and voices ringing out from the aether; I only wish I could talk to the neighbors, whom surely must have been entertained if any of this crazy BS actually happened.
Naturally, after all that, everything "goes back to normal" and no further problems or phenomena are observed. Not a word is mentioned about Junior's mental state or the disciplinary habits of his parents, of course. We also don't know if the cat survived. I feel badly for that poor cat.
Some of you might be sitting there saying, "But sohalia, the cases are DOCUMENTED!". You know what? I can write down any manner of insane and inane rambling poppycock as I see fit, take tons of pictures, and call everybody up and repeat the story a hundred times. It's documented! It's also complete garbage! Remember kids, just because it's "documented" doesn't make it real or true.
Speaking of reality, I have to ask... Did I miss something? Is this all a joke? I haven't read anywhere that this series is actually a joke or fictional or whatever, so I'd really appreciate it if somebody tipped me off in the event that it is. I'd appreciate some reassurance that Discovery wasn't going completely to hell. I miss the days when they ran actual documentaries on wildlife and other actual things.
If you want a series about people going through real and not imaginary trouble, watch "I Shouldn't Be Alive" instead.