Wild Hogs (2007)

Doug Madsen : Ooh boy, my ass is sore.

Dudley Frank : Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.

Woody Stevens : Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.

Bobby Davis : Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...

[notices Highway Patrolman]

Highway Patrolman : Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.

Doug Madsen : Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.

Woody Stevens : Sorry I said you were a pussy.

Doug Madsen : You didn't call me a pussy.

Woody Stevens : Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.

Dudley Frank : Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.

Woody Stevens : I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!

Dudley Frank : I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.

Woody Stevens : I felt you smell my neck!

Bobby Davis : Did you smell that man's neck?

Dudley Frank : His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.

Bobby Davis : A lawyer cowboy?

Damien Blade : [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves?

Woody Stevens : I'm Woody...

[the others say their names]

Damien Blade : [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?

Dudley Frank : Hogs... Wild Hogs.

[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]

Damien Blade : [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.

[he leaves]

Dudley Frank : I got a tat.

Doug Madsen : Hell just froze over.

Woody Stevens : Let's see it!

Dudley Frank : I'm a biker dude!

[shows tattoo of Apple logo]

Woody Stevens : It's an Apple.

Dudley Frank : I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!

Woody Stevens : [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home, Toby! You make me sick!

Toby : I can't do this many leaves for $10!

[Woody kicks a pile of leaves]

Woody Stevens : Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down.

Doug Madsen : Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry!

Woody Stevens : That's not a discussion.

Dudley Frank : Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

Woody Stevens : Del Fuegos! Hide the bikes! Quick!

Dudley Frank : What'd you do, Woody?

Woody Stevens : I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.

Woody Stevens : Dudley, you have to get rid of that or else I'm going to vomit in your lap.

Dudley Frank : Fine, I'll hang it from a tree.

Woody Stevens : Don't hang it in a tree.

Dudley Frank : Why?

Woody Stevens : Cause bears don't eat shit!

Woody Stevens : Holy crap! It's the Golden Knight!

Doug Madsen : Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?

[Woody nods his head]

Doug Madsen : You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.

Bobby Davis : Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.

Woody Stevens : You're still at The Firm?

Bobby Davis : Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...

Doug Madsen : ...a wimp.

Bobby Davis : I was gonna say miserable.

Bobby Davis : [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?

Doug Madsen : No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.

Woody Stevens : You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.

Dudley Frank : I'm afraid of women.

Woody Stevens : You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.

[Doug and Woody laugh]

Dudley Frank : Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.

Dudley Frank : I'm looking foward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.

Woody Stevens : Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.

Woody Stevens : I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.

Doug Madsen : [convincing him to go skinny-dipping] Come on...

Woody Stevens : Fine, I will get naked with my gay friends. If any of them look at my junk, I will kill them!

Bobby Davis : I think we better get out of here.

Woody Stevens : No, we'll get out of here at sundown after we've had our beverage.

Woody Stevens : [as the Del Feugos bar explodes] Oh, shit! Oh, God. Oh, no.

Doug Madsen : Woody, remember the theme of this trip? "Whatever", remember? "Whatever?"

Woody Stevens : Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay.

Doug Madsen : Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is.

Woody Stevens : I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?

Woody Stevens : Come on, let's go!

Doug Madsen : What's your rush?

Woody Stevens : Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!

Bobby Davis : my soul needs something to drink.

Dudley Frank : We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!

[last lines]

Doug Madsen , Dudley Frank , Bobby Davis , Woody Stevens : Wild Hogs!

Doug Madsen : Look, guys, sign at the curve of the road!

Bobby Davis : Madrid.

Woody Stevens : Spain?

Woody Stevens : The trip is over because some tattooed bullies pushed us around?

Doug Madsen , Bobby Davis : Yeah.

[after Woody has slapped a bull, Doug goes out to also slap it]

Earl Dooble : Yeah, and we never seen it done twice in a row.

Woody Stevens : What?