Martin Lawrence: Bobby Davis

Wild Hogs

Bobby Davis

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She is perfect.
Doug Madsen: You like the waitress?
Dudley Frank: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Like which ones?
Dudley Frank: I forget.
Bobby Davis: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.
Dudley Frank: Would that be funny?
Bobby Davis: I'll be laughing. Oh, I'll be cracking up.

Doug Madsen: Ooh boy, my ass is sore.
Dudley Frank: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.
Woody Stevens: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.
Bobby Davis: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman]
Highway Patrolman: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.

Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids! How long ago was that?

Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Charley: Yeah.

Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?

Bobby Davis: [after being called out by Jack] Anyone else getting that pre-rape feeling?
Red: [grinning] I do.

Jack: I knew you assholes the minute I laid eyes on you! Look at the four of you!
Doug Madsen: You don't know us.
Jack: [to Doug] You think I don't know you? You're probably a... podiatrist or an ear-, nose-, and throat-specialist.
Doug Madsen: I wish.
Jack: An orthadontist?
Bobby Davis: Close enough.
Jack: [turns to Bobby] Bobby, guarantee you're hen-pecked! The wife wears the pants!
Bobby Davis: You know my wife?
Jack: [to Dudley] And you, no luck with women. I guarantee you bag your own shit.
Dudley Frank: Wow, you're good. What color am I thinking of?
Jack: Shut up!
[turns to Woody]
Jack: And you, you're the biggest poser of them all... aren't ya, Squinty! Go home!

Doug Madsen: Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?
[Woody nods his head]
Doug Madsen: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.
Bobby Davis: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.
Woody Stevens: You're still at The Firm?
Bobby Davis: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...
Doug Madsen: ...a wimp.
Bobby Davis: I was gonna say miserable.
Bobby Davis: [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?
Doug Madsen: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.
Woody Stevens: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.
Dudley Frank: I'm afraid of women.
Woody Stevens: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh]
Dudley Frank: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.

Bobby Davis: You call The Firm?
Clerk: Yeah, men's room. Some trucker musta crapped a whole cow in there. Good luck.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I didn't want to give him the key, but I didn't trust my instincts.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I saw my father shot. I never cry until today.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I got robbed yesterday. And now I know: you have the bad job.
Bobby Davis: Yeah...

Bobby Davis: Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.

Bobby Davis: You called The Firm?
Clerk: Some truck driver must have crapped an entire cow in there, man. Good luck. I knew in my gut not to let him go, but I didn't trust my instincts. I saw my father shot, but I did not cry till today. I was robbed yesterday, and I know now, your job is the bad one.

Bobby Davis: I think we better get out of here.
Woody Stevens: No, we'll get out of here at sundown after we've had our beverage.

Woody Stevens: Come on, let's go!
Doug Madsen: What's your rush?
Woody Stevens: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!
Bobby Davis: my soul needs something to drink.
Dudley Frank: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!

[after Woody has slapped a bull, Doug goes out to also slap it]
Earl Dooble: Yeah, and we never seen it done twice in a row.
Woody Stevens: What?
Earl Dooble: It'll be interesting to see how the bull takes being slapped now that he's alert.
Woody Stevens, Bobby Davis: Alert?

Bobby Davis: Hey, did y'all see my moves? I was shaking and baking just like the NFL, baby! You hear what I'm saying? I delivered it right to the end zone!
[bull charges and hits Bobby, knocking him into the air]

Woody Stevens: [jumps in the water naked, shivering] Whoa, that's cold!
Woody Stevens: Why are you naked?
Dudley Frank: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?
Doug Madsen: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.
Bobby Davis: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!