- Joey: Wh-what's complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance, you go past the Mudhut, through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail, and Boom! You're in Paradise Pond!
- Rachel Green: What's the final head count on my baby shower?
- Phoebe Buffay: About twenty. A couple of people from work had something else to do.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Also, both of your sisters called, and neither can make it.
- Rachel Green: What? You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking!
- Chandler Bing: This game makes no sense!
- Dr. Ross Geller: You're just upset because you're losing.
- Chandler Bing: Oh, come on, Ross; I think we're all losers here.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Green! Hi - it's Monica Geller.
- Sandra Green: Oh - hello, Monica.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Hi - I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
- Sandra Green: [icily] I know. My daughters told me when they received their "impromptu" invitations a month ago.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Yeah, I'm sorry - I'm so, so sorry.
- Sandra Green: Why, dear? For not inviting me, or for lying about it?
- Monica Geller-Bing: [to Phoebe, quietly] Oh, my god! My ass is sweating... Please, please - can you come? It's today at four.
- Sandra Green: Well, alright - I'll see you at four.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Thank you.
- [Monica hangs up the phone]
- Phoebe Buffay: Isn't it at three?
- Monica Geller-Bing: [picking up phone again] Sonofabitch...
- Rachel Green: [after being told how often a baby soils a diaper] It goes ten times a day? What are we feeding this kid, Indian food?
- Sandra Green: Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don't know how overwhelming this is gonna be. I mean, when you were a baby, I had full-time help - I had Mrs. K.
- Rachel Green: Mrs. K! Oh, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. Actually, I think I remember some of it: "Tu madre es loca."
- [meaning "Your mother is crazy"]
- Sandra Green: Such a sweet woman.
- Chandler Bing: I'd like a Google card please, Joey?
- Joey: Are you sure?
- Chandler Bing: Yes!... No!... Google!