[Nick has just announced his intention to form a motorcycle stunt display team]
Susan : Nick, who, uh, who is in this stunt display team?
Nick : Ah, it's just me so far. Oh, and Spike.
Susan : Not blind Spike?
Nick : I keep telling you, mum, he's not blind. He's partially sighted.
Ben : Nick, how is Spike going to ride a motorbike being, you know, partially sighted and all that?
Nick : No, no, no, no, you see, I'll be doing all the riding. Yeah, Spike just sets fire to the bales of hay, puts paraffin in the milk bottles; you know, technical stuff.
Susan : Oh please, not fire.
Ben : So, so, so, your, your, your team, your, your team consists of you and Spike.
Nick : Don't forget Radar.
Susan : Who's Radar?
Nick : Spike's Alsatian.
Ben : You did *what?*
Nick : I saved it up.
Ben : £1,255?
Nick : Think about it, Dad. All those jobs, all with severance pay. Soon adds up.
Susan : I don't think it's very wise to keep it all in cash.
Nick : I don't. I just got it out of the bank yesterday.
Ben : You have a bank account?
Nick : Actually it's an ISA. My money works so I don't have to.
Ben : No, no, no, no, *I* work so you don't have to.
Nick : We will see on Saturday.
Ben : Saturday?
Nick : Yup. We've been hired to appear at the Peachborough Rock Festival, right next to the beer tent. Smooth.
Ben : Nick, don't you think that's not going to give you like enough time to practise?
Nick : Ah, I'll just wing it. It's going to be brilliant.
Susan : But, but, but, surely you need some sort of qualification.
Nick : All right, it's going to be completely brilliant.
Susan : What's he going to do with the money?
Ben : I don't think that's any of our business.
Susan : And it isn't. But I'm sure Nick wants to show you that whatever he's doing is perfectly legal and above board.
Ben : No, he doesn't!
Nick : Yes, I do!
Ben : No, he doesn't! You just want to prove your stupid point!
Nick : I'm buying a motorbike!
Susan : My point may be stupid, but it's not as stupid as your point, whatever it is!
Susan : What did you just say?
Nick : I'm buying a motorbike. Second hand.
Susan : There you are - a perfectly sensible purchase! He can go out, look for jobs, run errands...
Nick : Actually, I'm forming a motorcycle stunt display team!
Susan : What?
Ben : And there was me thinking he was doing something stupid!
Nick : [In hospital, covered in plaster casts] So what time do you get off work?
Ward Sister : Six o'clock.
Nick : Oh, cool. Because I was thinking, you know, maybe dinner and a movie?
Ward Sister : OK. Sounds great. And what are you going to be doing?
Nick : Thought I might get plastered! Or maybe play Doctors and Nurses!
Ward Sister : [laughs] Careful, Nick. I've got a rectal thermometer and I know how to use it!
Nick : Ooh, matron!
Ward Sister : Actually, I'm a ward sister.
Nick : Ooh, matron!
Ben : How the hell did this happen?
Nick : Well, it was all going so well until Spike added a bit too much paraffin to the flaming wall of tyres. I got blinded by the smoke and hit the side of a cow.
Susan : You were jumping a motorbike over a cow?
Nick : Not by design. She was in the next field.
Ben : Oh, I see. So, you hit a cow. Was the cow alright?
Nick : She was bloody brilliant! The crowd went wild!
Ben : You land on your head?
Nick : Oh, I don't know. My mind's gone a complete blank.
Ben : Yeah. Back to normal, then.
Susan : We thought they weren't going to let you out for a few more days!
Nick : Oh, so did I. But I got thrown out.
Michael Harper : You got thrown out of a hospital?
Nick : It weren't my fault. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Ben : It was an operating theatre, Nick.
Nick : I was hanging out with the guys!
Ben : They were heart surgeons, Nick.