- Matt Foley: Now as your father probably told you, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a motivational speaker. Now let's get started by letting me give you a little bit of a scenario of what my life is all about. First of, I am 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in a van down by the river.
- Lori Davis: Now do you use hairspray?
- Cher: No...
- Paulette Betts: Oh, never, hate it.
- Georganne LaPiere: I use it... but I hate it.
- Christina Applegate: Friday was a long day in the studio, but I did manage to sneak out to the Museum of Modern Art, because I wanted to see this great exhibit that they have there this month on the history of malls. If you can get in, it's really worth it.
- Weekend Update Anchor: If you'd like a transcript of tonight's broadcast, get a pen and write down everything I said.