Meet Dave (2008)

Eddie Murphy: Dave, Captain

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave : Welcome to Old Navy.

• Captain : I am Dave Ming Chang.

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : I am Dave Ming Chang.

  Various crew members : I am Dave Ming Chang.

  [etc] 

  No. 4 - Security Officer : And I am Johnny Dazzle!

  [everyone stares at him.] 

  No. 4 - Security Officer : What? Not everyone has to be Dave Ming Chang.

• Gina Morrison : [Dave is looking at a picture of Gina's late husband.]  Captain?

  Dave : Yes?

  Gina Morrison : That's my husband. He was a captain with the Navy.

  Dave : I am a captain.

  Gina Morrison : Really? A captain of what?

  [Inside the ship, Number 3 looks something up.] 

  Dave : I am a captain of crunch.

• Gina Morrison : I'm Gina, by the way. Gina Morrison.

  [pauses, waiting for him to tell her his name.] 

  Gina Morrison : And you are?

  Captain : 3?

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : This is a list of the most common names on this planet.

  Captain : My name is...

  Dave : Ming Chang.

  Gina Morrison : Ming Chang?

  [laughs] 

  Gina Morrison : Sorry, sorry, you just struck me more like a "Dave" or something.

  Dave : Which happens to be my other name.

  Gina Morrison : Dave...Ming Chang?

  Dave : Dave Ming Chang.

• [in an alley outside Gina's apartment sometime after she hits Dave with her car] 

  Gina Morrison : Hi, are you all right? Because you just ran off!

  Captain : Contact, everyone! Our first verbal encounter!

  [into microphone] 

  Captain : Thank you for your concern.

  Dave : [speaks with extremely high pitch; bottles explode in background] 

  Captain : It's way too high! More bass!

  Dave : [speaks in extremely low pitch] 

  Captain : Level the frequency!

  Dave : [speaking perfectly]  I'm all better now.

  Josh : [to Gina]  How hard did you hit this guy?

• Captain : Lieutenant Bottoms, what is your status?

  Lieutenant Bottoms : Captain, we had a small gas leak. It was silent, but not deadly.

• [last lines] 

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : I didn't think we'd make it out of there, Captain. Good thing you have such big feet.

  Captain : We'll have much to explain when we return home.

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : We'll find another way to save Nil. There are plenty of worlds out there for us to explore.

  Captain : Yes, Number 3. But what we learned on Earth is more valuable than all the salt in the galaxy. And when we do return, it looks like I'll be needing a new Number 2.

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : I think you'll be needing more than that.

  [they kiss; the crew cheers] 

  Captain : Cue the new anthem.

• Captain : [after getting knocked out by a baseball and is shocked with a defibrillator]  Power has been restored!

• Captain : [after getting "knocked out" by a baseball and is hit with a defibrillator]  Power has been restored!

• Dave : The most powerful force in all the universe often comes from the smallest star.

• Captain : Number 3, do we have significant linguistic information to communicate with these natives?

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : Yes, I tapped into their central planetary database named "Google."

  Captain : What a frivolous name for such a vital function.

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : Well, if you prefer, there's another called "Ya Hoo."

  Captain : Baffling!

• Gina Morrison : Dave, I feel just terrible about this whole thing...uh, and I was gonna have some breakfast. Would you like to join me?

  Dave : No, I really have to be going now.

  Gina Morrison : Are you sure? I mean, I sort of have a rule that when I hit somebody with my car, I need to make them breakfast!

  [she laughs, Dave doesn't.] 

  Gina Morrison : That was a joke.

  Dave : [blankly]  Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha ahaha ha hahahahahahahaha. Woo-hoo, woo!

• Gina Morrison : So, where are you from? Do you live around here?

  Dave : Yes, of course. I am just a regular person from right here on Earth, just like you. I just don't get out that much.

  Gina Morrison : Yeah, judging from your suit, I'd say since about 1978.

  [laughs] 

  Captain : Note: all-white apparel is not as standardized as we thought.

  Gina Morrison : [laughing]  You late for a Bee Gees concert or something?

  Dave : Bee Gees. Barry, Robin and Maurice. The brothers Gibb. Winning ten Grammy Awards and selling over 100 million records.

  Dave : [high-pitched, fast singing]  Well, you can tell by the way I can use my walk / I'm a woman's man, no time to talk / Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh, Stayin' Alive / Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

• [they finish watching "It's a Wonderful Life."] 

  Captain : [crying]  "Lasso the moon". Physically impossible!

  No. 3 - Cultural Officer : [crying]  Absurd.

• [Dave is dancing with Gina] 

  No. 2 - 2nd In Command : Sir, we already have the orb. There's no need to continue this charade.

  Captain : Not now, Number 2! I'm trying to let the music take me!

• Dave : We have got to get out of here.