The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpsons Christmas Stories (2005)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Joseph, Abraham Simpson, Battery, Matthew, John Glenn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [as Joseph]  A pregnant virgin? That's every man's worst nightmare!

  Lisa Simpson : [as the herald angel]  Fear not, Mary. You are full of grace.

  Homer Simpson : That's not all she's full of.

  Lisa Simpson : Quiet, you.

• Homer Simpson : And did you know that baby Jesus grew up to be... Jesus?

  [Crowd murmurs] 

  Homer Simpson : Yeah. Weird, isn't it?

• Homer Simpson : Wine into water? Who could have performed such a cruel miracle?

• Homer Simpson : [singing to the music from The Nutcracker]  I need a present for my wife / Or I'll have no sex for life / Diamond ring, a vase by Ming / Some kind of useful kitchen thing / I need a store I can break into / Or a place run by a Hindu

  Apu : The Christmas rush has cleaned me out / I just have jerky made of trout

• Grampa : We'll get you up and running again or my name isn't Young Grampa Simpson.

• Grampa : [During World War II]  I was flying Navy planes in the South Pacific with my older brother, Cyrus.

  Lisa Simpson : Your brother? You've never mentioned him before.

  Grampa : And I never will again!

• [Flashback to WWII] 

  Cyrus Simpson : Kamikaze!

  Grampa : Well, I usually don't drink before lunch... Holy smokes! The sky's full of those planes that crash into the ships!