American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006 Video)

Jake Siegel: Cooze

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Jill and Cooze are foreplaying before sex] 

  Jill : Now, get your worthless ass on the bed! You peasant!

  Cooze : Excuse me?

  [Jill kicks Cooze to the bed] 

  Jill : I said, get on the bed! You worthless peasant!

  Cooze : [Cooze screams in pain]  What's your problems? Whoa!

  Cooze : What is that?

  [Jill gets a Whip then whips Cooze who screams in pain] 

  Jill : I said get on the bed! And I meant it!

  Cooze : Oh yeah, baby! I get it. And I'm into it!

  [Jill whips Cooze again] 

  Jill : Shut up!

  [Jill whips Cooze repeatedly] 

  Cooze : Alirght! Alirght!

• [Jill and Cooze are having sex] 

  Jill : That's it, you pathetic slave! Keep doing that!

  Cooze : Don't you think this is getting a little out of hand?

  Jill : Oh, you haven't even seen out of hand, yet!

  Cooze : I didn't mean we had to stop.

  Jill : Oh, we aren't stopping. We're just getting started.

  Jill : You ready to get kinky?

  Cooze : Whoa, this isn't kinky, yet?

  Jill : Not even close!

  [Jill grabs a vibrating dildo that makes noise] 

  Cooze : What is that noise?

  [Jill sticks the dildo towards Cooze's penis] 

  Cooze : Whoa!

• Jill : Are you sure you are up for this after that little incident downstairs?

  Cooze : They don't call me "Everhart" because I only got one bullet in the chamber!

• Cooze : See you next year, college pussy!

• Bull : Stifler! We got a serious problem, man. Mike and the guys just got arrested trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.

  Dwight Stifler : So what's the problem? Just take the money from my bail fund.

  Bull : They're almost half of our football team. We gotta put a team on the field, man, or we are done.

  Erik Stifler : Why?

  Bull : Cause we are already on probation. We got to participate in every intermural event or we are kicked off campus, man. We are four guys short.

  Ryan : I play football.

  Cooze : I played freshman year.

  Bull : What about you?

  Erik Stifler : A little nerf here and there.

  Bull : Good enough.

  Bull : Stifler?

  Dwight Stifler : Mmm?

  Bull : Can you play?

  Dwight Stifler : Don't ever ask if Stifler can play!

• Cooze : Did I do too much nitrous? A midget fraternity?

• Ryan : Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon we've got a full tank of gas, a quarter ounce of weed, 3 cases of beer, a 10 pound tank of nitrous, we're under age...

  Cooze : And I'm too drunk to drive!

  Ryan : Hit it!

• Cooze : [25:00]  Look at the size of that fuckin' chicken!

  Erik Stifler : Where?

  [swerves the van] 

• Cooze : [30:54]  Just think next year i'll be going here.

  Ryan : Yea thanks to daddy and his alumni connections.

  Cooze : Hey fuck off i told you i got in because of my SAT scores.

  Ryan : You scored 5 points over being legally retarded.

• Cooze : [1:26:48]  They don't call me everhard cause I only got one bullet in the chamber! But just to be sure

  [takes the viagra out of his sock] 

  Jill : [stops him from eating it]  Are you sure you should taking more of that?

  Cooze : More? I didn't take it the first time.

  Jill : We're going to have a good time tonight. Now, get your worthless ass on the bed! You peasant.

  Cooze : Excuse me?

  Jill : I said, "get on the bed, you worthless peasant!"