Jack and Jill (I) (2011)

Katie Holmes: Erin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jill Sadelstein : Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.

  [slaps herself] 

  Jack Sadelstein : I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.

  [slaps harder] 

  Jack Sadelstein : Little harder.

  [slaps a little more harder] 

  Erin Sadelstein : No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding

  Jill Sadelstein : What?

  [Gary punches her, knocks her out of the chair] 

  Otto : Donkey fight!

  Erin Sadelstein : Jill, are you okay?.

  Jill Sadelstein : Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.

  Gary Sadelstein : Feel that, Daddy?

  Jack Sadelstein : I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.

• Jack Sadelstein : [after Jill's disastrous date that he's responsible for]  I am such an idiot!

  Erin Sadelstein : You're an idiot? Jack, what did you do?

  Gary Sadelstein : Busted! Disgusted! Never to be trusted!

• Italian Cruise Ship Director : [DELETED SCENE: The cruise line has dropped the entire Sadelstein family off at the nearest port, over the bedlam caused by Jill and her pet cockatoo Poopsie]  ... Now, be gone. The rest of you have given us no trouble. Still, if either of THEM

  [indicates Poopsie and Jill] 

  Italian Cruise Ship Director : comes onboard ever again, *you* will hear from our attorneys... all *86* of them.

  [Jack nods compliantly, much to Erin's chagrin] 

  Erin Sadelstein : Jack! You're not actually...!

  Jack Sadelstein : We all are. Or do you know that many lawyers in Los Angeles?

  Erin Sadelstein : Of course not, but what's that got to do with...?

  Jack Sadelstein : Neither do I. So that settles it. We're getting off. Right where they say we are.