The Love Guru (2008)

Jessica Alba: Jane Bullard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Guru Pitka : Jane, the city of Toronto doesn't hate you.

  Jane Bullard : Oh, yeah they do!

  Guru Pitka : Uhhh, no they don't

  Jane Bullard : Oh, yeah they do!

  Guru Pitka : Uhhh, no they don't

  Jane Bullard : Trust me, at the arena I had maintenance paint lines telling me where the crowd can't see me! You know so they don't boo me and throw stuff at my head!

• Jane Bullard : I haven't laughed like this in such a long time.

  Guru Pitka : Why not?

  Jane Bullard : It's hard to laugh when men just see you as some curse.

• Angry Fan : Boo! You suck Bullard!

  Jane Bullard : No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!

  [crowd cheers] 

  Jane Bullard : Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Are you as turned on as I am right now?

  Jane Bullard : You're a bad bad person.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : I'll take that as a yes!

  Jane Bullard : Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!

• Jane Bullard : Can we win the Cup without Roanoke?

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Not a chance, boss. As long as Jacques "Le Coq" Grande is banging Darren's wife, Darren's toast.

  Jane Bullard : My father once told me the Yankees hired a guru to turn their team around. I have our guru. If he can fix Darren, we win the Cup. They call him: The Love Guru.

• Jane Bullard : I didn't even ask for this job! I guess it's just my fate!

  Guru Pitka : Fate is a joke. And as I once read on a wall, in a truck stop bathroom in Barstow, "The joke is in your hands." Oh, my God, I just got that.

• Guru Pitka : Well, it's hard to believe a girl like you can't find a man.

  Jane Bullard : What does that mean, "a girl like me"?

  Guru Pitka : Well, come on, I don't have words for it. You know, nice girl, intelligent, bedroom eyes, pouty lips, great rack, tight bell-shaped ass, thicker than a Snicker.

• Jane Bullard : [singing]  He's a picker, He's a grinner, He's a lover, And he's a sinner, He plays his music in the sun

  Guru Pitka : I'm a joker, I'm a smoker

  Coach Punch Cherkov : I'm a midnight toker

  Guru Pitka , Jane Bullard : I get my lovin' on the run...