The Love Guru (2008)

Verne Troyer: Coach Punch Cherkov

Photos 

Quotes 

• Coach Punch Cherkov : What's the capital of Thailand?

  Guru Pitka : Bangkok.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Exactly.

  [punches Pitka in his groin] 

  Guru Pitka : Omar Sharif, my balls!

• Guru Pitka : [picks up Coach Cherkov]  I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Put me down, a-hole!

• Guru Pitka : [notices Coach Cherkov behind him and freaks out]  This little guy scared the crap out of me. I think I'm gonna have to do a panty check. I might have some monkey-mustard back there. No, I am good.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : [to Jane]  Who is this prick?

  Guru Pitka : Well, how do you do? Shrimp?

  Coach Punch Cherkov : What did you call me, jagamo?

  Guru Pitka : I'm sorry, I didn't catch your gnome. Name! You are a midget.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : I find that term condescending!

  Guru Pitka : Condescending. That's a *big* word for you.

• Angry Fan : Boo! You suck Bullard!

  Jane Bullard : No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!

  [crowd cheers] 

  Jane Bullard : Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Are you as turned on as I am right now?

  Jane Bullard : You're a bad bad person.

  Coach Punch Cherkov : I'll take that as a yes!

  Jane Bullard : Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!

• Coach Punch Cherkov : If I sit like this any longer, I'm gonna pop my dink bag.

• Jane Bullard : Can we win the Cup without Roanoke?

  Coach Punch Cherkov : Not a chance, boss. As long as Jacques "Le Coq" Grande is banging Darren's wife, Darren's toast.

  Jane Bullard : My father once told me the Yankees hired a guru to turn their team around. I have our guru. If he can fix Darren, we win the Cup. They call him: The Love Guru.

• Jane Bullard : [singing]  He's a picker, He's a grinner, He's a lover, And he's a sinner, He plays his music in the sun

  Guru Pitka : I'm a joker, I'm a smoker

  Coach Punch Cherkov : I'm a midnight toker

  Guru Pitka , Jane Bullard : I get my lovin' on the run...