- Deadpool: The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'. And I've made a lot of good friends along the way: like Arcade. He's always sending me to his amusement park.
- Arcade: HELLO, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?
- Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides!
- Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here.
- Deadpool: I know! Carnivals always slay me.
- Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.
- Deadpool: Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here?
- Arcade: Arrrgh!
- Deadpool: Black Widow, I've gotta know... Are those real?
- Black Widow: I beg your pardon?
- Deadpool: Ahh... Your teeth, they're just so darn shiny and straight.
- Deadpool: Hi, Black Bolt. How are ya?
- [Black Bolt says nothing]
- Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk can you? Your voice is so powerful, it would destroy half of Atillan if you said anything at all.
- [Black Bolt still says nothing]
- Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word: 'Spatula.'
- [Black Bolt still says nothing]
- Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: 'Spatula.'
- Tony Stark's Receptionist: Warning: a small thermonuclear device is missing, and Deadpool was last seen in the weapons lab.
- Dr. Doom: [after being defeated in the final battle] Fools. You have accomplished nothing!
- [the glow around Doom's hands suddenly disappears]
- Odin: [Booming] Doom!
- Dr. Doom: Odin! You can't be free!
- Odin: Your wretched scheme is undone and your black soul is mine!
- Dr. Doom: Noooo!
- [a lighting bolt strikes Doom and he disapperes, leaving only his mask behind]
- Odin: An eternity of suffering is the fate of those who challange the gods!
- Black Panther: [sniffs] Wolverine was the last one in this room, wasn't he?
- Voice-Over Director: Yes, he was. How did you know that?
- Black Panther: It smells of cheap cigars and beef jerky.
- Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog faced boy.
- Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble?
- Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at self-deprecating humor.
- Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work.
- Fin Fang Foom: I know you, human! You are the wizard, Doctor Strange.
- Doctor Strange: And I know of you as well, Fin Fang Foom. Leave this place. I have no wish to destroy you. But make no sense, I will if you remain here.
- Fin Fang Foom: You overestimate your powers, sorcerer. I am far mightier than any creature you have ever faced before!
- Doctor Strange: But this battle is useless. The Masters of Evil have lost and you are all that remains of their forces.
- Fin Fang Foom: I will send this ship crashing to the Earth then all the world will see that the Masters of Evil are a force to be reckoned with.
- Doctor Strange: By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, I will not allow that.
- Fin Fang Foom: Call upon all of your mystic powers, wizard - but the might of Fin Fang Foom will prevail!
- Magneto: It would appear the Masters of Evil have enlisted alien allies. My powers will be more than a match for this beast.
- Fin Fang Foom: You overestimate your powers, sorcerer. I am far mightier than any creature you have ever faced before.
- Magneto: My power is quite beyond sorcery. I control the elemental power of the universe itself.
- Fin Fang Foom: I will send this ship crashing to the Earth then all the world will see that the Masters of Evil are a force to be reckoned with.
- Magneto: Seeing as this vessel is made of metal, crashing it may prove most difficult for you.
- Fin Fang Foom: Call upon all of your mystic powers, wizard - but the might of Fin Fang Foom will prevail!
- Spider-Man: [thinking Doom killed him] Where am I? Am I dead? Then why does heaven smell like a wet dog?
- Spider-Man: [turns his head, sees Wolverine] Never mind...
- Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation?
- Deadpool: Grampy, is that you? Wow, you got a lot older... and uglier too.
- Ancient One: You buffoon. I am not your grandfather. I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange.
- Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was.
- Ancient One: Is that you, my student?
- Doctor Strange: Yes, master. It is I, Doctor Strange.
- Ancient One: Why have you disturbed my meditation, young one?
- Doctor Strange: The world is in grave peril, master. Dr. Doom has formed a band of villains known as the Masters of Evil. I would ask that you watch over us, aid us in whatever way you can.
- Ancient One: Rest assured, my friend, that the eyes of the Ancient One will forever be on you and your team.
- Doctor Strange: Thank you, my master.
- Captain America: Thor, take care of those gunships. Spider-Man, drive them towards the stern.
- Spider-Man: Sure thing. I just love being the target.
- Captain America: Wolverine...
- Wolverine: Stow it boy scout, I don't take orders from you.
- Mephisto: So you have finally arrived in my domain! Good. I have been waiting for you and your friends for quite some time, Thor.
- Thor: What do you mean you've been waiting for us? And why do you have Ghost Rider trapped here?
- Mephisto: Don't take that tone with me. You may be a god in Asgard, but in this realm I am the ultimate power. Still, your concerns for Ghost Rider are rather touching. But are you so concerned that you would trade places with him?
- Thor: How do we know that you will not ensnare us all, Mephisto? You are well known for not following your own bargains.
- Mephisto: I follow my bargains to the letter. I cannot help it if others misinterpret what was said.
- Thor: You and my brother Loki are very much alike. Deception is in your own blood.
- Doctor Strange: I would ask that you allow me to take Ghost Rider's place. For only I can endure this prison without damage.
- Doctor Strange: And rest assured, Ghost Rider will be most useful should you be forced to battle Mephisto.
- Captain America: Winter Soldier, give up. I'm here to stop you from destroying the Helicarrier engines.
- Winter Soldier: Captain America! Can't say it's good to see you again.
- Radioactive Man: You have dealt with this fool before?
- Winter Soldier: Oh yeah. Cap and I go way back. Don't we, buddy?
- Captain America: Winter Soldier, please. Stop this before the Helicarrier is destroyed. Thousands of lives will be lost.
- Winter Soldier: Sorry, no can do. I've got my orders. You of all people understand that, don't you? Orders have been so important to you.
- Captain America: I'll fight you if I have to.
- Winter Soldier: Then what are you waiting for? Let's see what you've got old man.
- Spider-Man: Man, S.H.I.E.L.D. is the coolest! They have flying aircraft carriers, bases on wheels, tell me you guys have a tunnel going from New York to Tokyo?
- Spider-Man: Hey, Cap, looks like you...
- [Captain America quickly dispatches a group of robots]
- Spider-Man: could use some help...
- Deadpool: [after speaking with Nick Fury] Sir! Yes Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts! Uh, is that vein on your forehead meant to be throbbing like that?
- Deadpool: [after Black Widow has told him that he's going to face Dr. Doom] Wait, we're going to fight Dr. Doom? No one told me we were going to fight Doom! I want my lawyer! I want my mummy! I want my lawyer's mummy!
- Galactus: Such... insignificant creatures. They dare to steal from Galactus? For that, I shall destroy their planet!
- Ymir: That petty tyrant has been defeated and is now in the control of Dr. Doom. What a battle that was! The look upon Odin's face will long be a treasured memory.
- Deadpool: [about Weasel] Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck!
- Iron Man: Glad to see you remember me, Crimson Dynamo. It's been a while since I kicked your tin-plated butt.
- Crimson Dynamo: You will not defeat me this time. My new battlesuit is vastly superior to your armor.
- Iron Man: Could have fooled me. You look like something from the early 1960's.
- Dr. Doom: Radioactive Man... Winter Soldier, report. Why haven't you destroyed that stabilizing engine yet?
- Winter Soldier: Sorry, we got a little carried away. But we're on it. Lower the force fields and let's clear out of here.
- Radioactive Man: It is lucky for you we must depart. I was just getting warmed up. But we will meet again. I promise you!