Tamaki Suou: Mom! Haruhi's using foul language!

Hikaru Hitachiin: 'Mom' being?

Kyouya Ohtori: Position-wise... probably me.

Hikaru Hitachiin: Haruhi, I want some.

[bites off cookie from Haru's mouth]

Kaoru Hitachiin: And you have some crumbs on your cheek.

[licks off crumbs]

Tamaki Suou: You aren't reacting at all! Why aren't you reacting?

[grabs Haru's face]

Haruhi Fujioka: You know, sempai, this could be considered sexual harrassment.

Tamaki Suou: THIS is sexual harrassment? They licked you like dogs! If what I do is sexual harrassment, they should be arrested!

Kaoru Hitachiin: Aw, I lost again!

Hikaru Hitachiin: Go easy on him boys, he's a bit of a crybaby.

Kaoru Hitachiin: Hikaru! I am not!

Hikaru Hitachiin: You're gunna deny it huh? what about when we're playing punishment games alone? What happens then?

Kaoru Hitachiin: That's only because to- ehn.

[drops off as Hikaru teases his chin with his finger]

Fangirls: OMigod omigod its so hot I can't take it!

Haruhi Fujioka: [Tamaki is sulking] Come on sempai, would you please stop growing mushrooms in other people's closets?

Haruhi Fujioka: [repeated line]

Haruhi Fujioka: Rich bastards...

Tamaki Suou: Hikaru! Kaoru!

[Twins salute, grab Haruhi and run away]

Tamaki Suou: Kyouya, you call the hairdresser! Mori-senpai, get us some contacts from the nurse!

[Mori sprints off]

Mitsukuni "Honey" Haninozuka: Tama-chan, what about me?

Tamaki Suou: Honey-senpai, you...

Mitsukuni "Honey" Haninozuka: Yeah? Yeah?

Tamaki Suou: ...eat the cakes please.

Hikaru Hitachiin: [referring to Tamaki] Why is he sulking?

Kaoru Hitachiin: Because Mommy was keeping a secret from Daddy.

[arrows with boxes reading "Daddy" and "Mommy" pop up, pointing to Tamaki and Kyoya respectively]

Kyoya Ohtori: Whatever. Why does everyone insist on referring to us like we're husband and wife?

Tamaki Suou: Tama-chan kick!

Mitsukuni "Honey" Haninozuka: Kyou-chan, you really wake up to bad tempers, huh?

Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka: You are not in the position to say that.

Hikaru Hitachiin: Having a couple of good looking guys with homosexual tendencies earns the club high points. It also helps if the two struggle between their attraction and their friendship.

Kaoru Hitachiin: And in our case, because we're twins, our relationship is taboo and therefore more intriguing.

Hikaru Hitachiin: And besides, who hasn't fantasized about twins? Having two loves is better than one, don't you think?

Kaoru Hitachiin: It's a young woman's romantic fantasy.

Tamaki Suou: Just suppose... I'm not really Haruhi's father.

Kyouya Ohtori: For special reasons, Haruhi has to conceal her gender.

Pop Up Box: Special Reasons = Debt

Haruhi Fujioka: [is being forced to kiss a girl] This is going too far.

Kyouya Ohtori: I'll cut your debt by a third.

Haruhi Fujioka: ...Oh well, it's just on the cheek.

Tamaki Suou: Although you and Mori-senpai have little in common, there is one definite thing you lack! And that's a 'lovely item'!

Kasanoda: Lovely... item?

Tamaki Suou: And this time we introduce to you... the lovely item, 'Mitsukuni-kun'!

[Honey sparkles]

Tamaki Suou: Indeed, if you look at Mori-senpai superficially, he does look scary and may give an icy impression. However, what happens when we place Mitsunkuni-kun on his shoulders? It's like a state of 'big bear Mori being likened by a little animal'!

Tamaki Suou: And? Why does a human weapon like you want to be Mori-senpai's apprentice?

Kasanoda: No. I'm not a human weapon. I was just born with this scary-looking face.

Hitachiin Twins: So you're aware of it, Casanova-kun.

Kasanoda: It's Kasanoda!

Hitachiin TwinsTamaki Suou: Bossa-Nova?

Kasanoda: [eyes glow red as he makes evil, scary face] I said it's KASANODA, damn it! You guys wanna die or something?

Hitachiin TwinsTamaki Suou: [Tamaki and the Twins cower behind sofa] That is a pretty scary face...

Tamaki Suou: Alright! The Low Blood Pressure Evil Lord has given his approval!

Haruhi Fujioka: [after an elaborate plan to get two students to admit their love] Aren't you making things worse?

Tamaki Suou: He went out and chased her.

Haruhi Fujioka: [smiles] Our Ouran Host Club exists to bring fortune to girls, eh?

Kyouya Ohtori: [Tamaki spazzes] ... Did I step on a mine or something?

Kazukiyo Souga: You might also add fear of horror movies, fear of ghost storytelling, fear of suddenly getting scared from behind, and fear of TV commercials about horror movies. What is it with those, anyway? I really do not like them airing those segments without any warnings. What's become of the rights of the cowards?

Tamaki Suou: Why are you washing your bag?

Renge: Fair thee well!

Kyouya Ohtori: Fuyumi-neesan. Sorry, but could you not rummage through my drawers?

Haruhi Fujioka: The end of the world is here, huh?