Dracula Untold

This film was a collection of disjointed snapshots; with no real merit. CJI was good, but now that's nothing new; I don't fully understand how he managed to overcome an army of thousands with a mammal that weighs less than 2g even in the huge numbers he seems to summon from thin air. However that was the high point; by about half way I would have happily sent the sniveling, cringe worthy child off; beheaded the hideously grating wife and begot some real sons worthy of carrying the Impaler moniker on a decent wife with enough balls to run the kingdom in my absence. This was a hideous attempt at a chick flick disguised as one of the coolest movie figures of all time. A film that forever more will be known as Crapula; best left untold.