21 October 2008 | standardbearer
Should I say anything else?
Really not much more left to mock about this title, but because it's a fine tutorial how NOT to make a film (or anything else!), I think, I should gather the scraps and flush them too down the toilet.
I really tried to watch this from beginning to end. I tried hard, but I failed. From the first time I saw the trailer of this disaster, I was sure, I really gonna enjoy watching it while simultaneously beating its every aspect... But it's just too much. It's not possible to sit through this movie.
The movie begins with a bunch of ugly bunnies jumping through a horribly rendered forest. No anti-aliasing can be seen, nor motion blur, or anything. My eyes begun to hurt. They begin to whine, which is annoying, and you can see the credits nailed onto the trees, which looks like manure, and then a truck comes. Or goes. It's moving, that's for sure, but one couldn't tell where it goes, because the storyboard artist was a dead skunk. So this truck comes, and almost hits the bunnies, but i really don't know how the hell they saw it coming, and they jump down the road and run into the forest. The virtual cameramen work already made me nauseous, but this is the point where someone shoots his balls off with a salt-gun. The picture starts to move rapidly to totally random directions and I begin to feel sick. They bump into another bunny, which at least stops the seizure of the cinematographer, but then, this butt-ugly, and badly rendered crow starts to do his rap... That's quite bad already, but I cant even make a word out of it!!! It supposed to be a children's movie! In the forest our eyes must deal with the horrible high contrast shadows of the branches, which makes the characters blend into the similarly messy background... If something looks quite okay, you can be sure its a stock object. And you already witnessed a lot of free stock sounds too! And now we are at the fifth minute of this "experience"... I couldn't ever watch through 00:20:00.
Some people compare the look of this movie to mid 90's video game intros. Now that's just a misunderstanding. Pre-rendered (and even in-game) movies on those consoles has been based on real movie clichés, therefore all our perceptions of movies met, and we enjoyed them even despite the primitive technology they used to make them. People who made Kis Vuk are clearly NOT professional filmmakers. Not one of them ever worked on a film (being credited doesn't mean a thing). And even worse: they don't have a clue about how a movie works!!! Even if you watch the original Star-Wars trilogy just once, and you never watch any other movie in your whole life, you already have far more information about film-making, than to get a way with a mess like Kis Vuk!
Before someone gets the idea, that I'm being too harsh, I must tell, that nothing can prepare you for this. Even I was surprised, despite I'm one true b-movie fan! It's really that incredibly bad! Final word: if you want to find out all things that could go wrong while making a movie, witness this disaster. Really enlightening.
Update: I was being forced to sit this through recently, so now I've seen the whole movie from the first frame to the very last of the credits. And it always managed to amaze me. Once I got used to all those problems listed above, and managed to look below the surface which as I said is hideous, all i saw was a pretty awful children's movie, with a plot that makes no sense... I'm saying "pretty awful", and not the "stinkiest pile of manure"!
I begun to feel quite ashamed for being that harsh earlier... "you know it is really bad, but hey, I've seen worse..." But every time I started to think like that, something horrible happened on my screen which proved that this movie deserves the beating it got. And the worst part is this: despite the movies concept to stun me with its horrendousness whenever I start to accept it, it was incredibly boring (and it's less than 90 minutes long!)!
The credits are a treat. They knew this movie's gonna suck, and people gonna yell at the screen: "What the hell did you do during the production you lazy morons?!?!?!". So beside the scrolling list of names, we get a little "making-of" montage on the other half of the frame. "See? We worked hard! You can't say we didn't! We have video evidence!" I'm just speechless. And not because I'm convinced. And for now, let me part with the last few sentences I heard at the end of the credits: -Little Vuk is frightening! Everyone is afraid of Little Vuk!