Frank Wolff: If you're lucky enough to have one person in this life to care about, then that's world enough for me.

Frank Wolff: Hey, McGregor! Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn't work out. We could never see eye to eye!

Lily Houghton: Haven't you been dreaming about another adventure?

McGregor Houghton: If I wanted to go to a primitive backwater where I can't understand a word anyone's saying, I'd visit our relatives in Scotland.

Frank Wolff: If you look to the left of the boat, you'll see some very playful toucans. They're playing their favorite game of beak-wrestling. The only drawback is, only two can play.

Frank Wolff: You know, before this, I used to work in an orange juice factory, but I got canned.

Frank Wolff: You know, they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to 500 pounds per sitting. Personally, I find that very hard... to swallow.

Frank Wolff: If you believe in legends, you should believe in curses too.

[approaching waterfall]

Lily Houghton: I cannot swim!

Frank Wolff: You booked a river cruise and you can't swim? The price just went up.

Lily Houghton: Aguirre's cartographer certainly was prolific.

Frank Wolff: He lost his life searching for something that can't be found.

Frank Wolff: The rocks you see here in the river are sandstone. But some people just take them for granite. It's one of my boulder attractions.

Lily Houghton: I'm a little rusty in the Puka Michuna dialect, so I want you to translate what I say, word for word.

Frank Wolff: Okay.

Lily Houghton: No, I cannot give you the Arrowhead.

Frank Wolff: Oh, God. Lily.

McGregor Houghton: Lily.

Lily Houghton: Shut up. Just say it. Yes, I have the Arrow that belongs to your people.

Frank Wolff: [FRANK SPEAKING TUPI] She's being weird about the Arrowhead.

Lily Houghton: I will return it.

Frank Wolff: [SPEAKS TUPI] She's extremely difficult.

Lily Houghton: But first I must use it to find the Tears of the Moon.

Frank Wolff: [SPEAKS TUPI] It's hard to be around her.

Lily Houghton: Now, if I die for that, so be it.

Frank Wolff: [FRANK SPEAKS TUPI] She doesn't mind if you kill her.

Lily Houghton: But you must let these two men go free.

Frank Wolff: [SPEAKS TUPI] Just don't kill me.

Frank Wolff: No, the bath is out there. That's the bath. 4,300 miles of luxurious bath. I also warmed it a little bit for you earlier.

Frank Wolff: Ma'am, don't forget to collect your baggage. I'm only kidding. He's behind you.

[in the middle of a fight with thugs, Lily accidentally punches Frank in the face]

Lily Houghton: Oh, God! Sorry, Frank!

Frank Wolff: [nonplussed] It's alright. Strong form.

Frank Wolff: I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back.

Frank Wolff: First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of skipper. Of all the jungle cruises you could take in the Amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. But also the most thrilling.

[on a standard riverboat tour]

Frank Wolff: Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.

[Frank surreptitiously triggers a device that flows water over the boat and into the river]

Frank Wolff: The backside of water!

Boat Tourist: It looks just like the frontside.

Frank Wolff: It's the eighth wonder of the world.

Frank Wolff: [to MacGregor] Tell Lily she would've been world enough for me.

McGregor Houghton: [to Lily] Breaking and entering, grand larceny, and worst of all, forced to take public transport. Should I be concerned about you?

McGregor Houghton: You think you're the first to eject me? I have been turned out of some of the best clubs in Europe!

McGregor Houghton: [after being saved by the leopard] Good Murder Cat!

McGregor Houghton: If I wanted to go to a stinking backwater where I can't understand what anyone says, I would visit our relatives in Scotland!

Prince Joachim: [about to be crushed to death by a falling piece of a building] Scheisse!

Frank Wolff: Well, folks, you were all outstanding today, now I need you all out, standing on the dock. That means "get off my boat." I'm only serious.

Lily Houghton: "We" is an interesting word, Frank, because it sort of implies a bond of trust and honesty. Neither of which you know anything about, because you are a liar, Frank. You are selfish, you are arrogant, and I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you, which clearly isn't very far, because you are huge.

Aguirre: This is WORSE than death! This is torture!

Frank Wolff: Know this about the jungle: everything that you see wants to kill you. And can.

Lily Houghton: I don't have to know someone to care.

[the boat is heading for a waterfall]

Frank Wolff: Do you wanna turn back?

Lily Houghton: Nope, just getting started.

McGregor Houghton: [submarine surfaces] Who are those guys?

Lily Houghton: Oh, my gosh.

Frank Wolff: The price just went up.

Frank Wolff: [to Lily] You believe in legends, you should believe in curses, too.

Lily Houghton: My name is Dr. Lily Houghton. My brother and I are looking for passage upriver. Legend has it that there is a tree that possesses unparalleled healing power. It will change medicine forever.

Lily Houghton: It's only a scam if you fall for it.

McGregor Houghton: [to Frank; about Lily] She was always chasing after some far-fetched idea. There's no such things as curses.

Melchor: This jungle is devouring our souls. We're disgusting.

Sancho: Speak for yourself. I'm delicious!

Aguirre: Do you really believe we still have souls?

McGregor Houghton: [McGregor brought a massive amount of luggage, and Frank is throwing it into the river] Those are my tennis rackets!

Frank Wolff: It's a river cruise.

McGregor Houghton: Assorted day wear and shoes?

Frank Wolff: No.

McGregor Houghton: Light reading and bathing costumes?

Frank Wolff: Good.

McGregor Houghton: The liquor?

Frank Wolff: That one can stay.

Lily Houghton: I consider five thousand real more than adequate.

Frank Wolff: Ten thousand, I take you there myself. I am my best captain.

Lily Houghton: Or your most modest. Fine, ten thousand.

Frank Wolff: Ten thousand to bring you there alive. If I have to bring you back dead, it's fifteen thousand.

Lily Houghton: Why should I pay more dead?

Frank Wolff: Dead, I'd have to carry you. That's a lot harder, lady.

Lily Houghton: Twenty, dead or alive.

Frank Wolff: Okay, but I get paid in full when we turn back from Lagrimas de Cristal.

Lily Houghton: Why ever would we be turning back?

Frank Wolff: Well, you're going to beg me to turn back first sign of the rapids.

Lily Houghton: Well, I look forward to disappointing you.

McGregor Houghton: [McGregor and Nilo walk in] Lily, look who I found at the hotel bar: Mister Nilo.

Nilo: Buongiorno, signorina.

McGregor Houghton: He drives a hard bargain, but he met his match with me. Negotiated him down to fifty thousand.

[first lines]

McGregor Houghton: [narrating] All legends are born in truth. From the Amazon came the legend of the Tears of the Moon. A single petal from the great Tree Could sure any illness, and break any curse.

McGregor Houghton: Over the centuries, many expeditions went searching for the Healing Tears of legend. None more famous than that of the conquistador Don Lope de Aguirre, Who was determined to possess the Tears' power. But the jungle protected the Tears.

McGregor Houghton: History will tell you his journey ended in failure. But legend tells more.

Lily Houghton: For goodness sake, Frank! Is there a single thing about you that I can trust?

Frank Wolff: Not a thing.