Joseph Keenan: People just do the strangest things when they believe they're entitled. But they do even stranger things when they just plain believe.

Joseph Keenan: [at the inquest, staring into space]

Agent Carol: And then what happened? Special Agent Keenan? Special Agent Keenan?

Joseph Keenan: [breaks out of it]

Agent Carol: What happened?

Joseph Keenan: I subdued the suspect... with a head butt.

Agent Carol: [amused] A head butt?

Joseph Keenan: Yes sir. The suspect was standing... unnaturally close. And then the trumpet blast sounded three more times, and a fourth and a fifth. By then it was pretty clear that the Rapture wasn't going to happen, so we rounded up the remaining Five Pointers.

Agent Carol: Hey, what was it? The trumpet blasts?

Joseph Keenan: Pardon?

Agent Carol: The trumpet blast, what was it really?

Joseph Keenan: Oh, that. Well some new neighbors, these eco kids from the university with a compost collective - they've got an acre off of the ass end of the Five Point property, other side of the hill. Abin's been giving them a bunch of guff because of the smell of the compost.

Agent Hammond: Was it bad?

Joseph Keenan: [laughs] Gets so you could taste it. But Abin's been harassing these kids, sending some of his bigger boys over to bitch at first, maybe break a window or two. Then I guess they went old school - lots of sugar in gas tanks, burning bags of dog shit.

Agent Carol: The college kids?

Joseph Keenan: No, that was Cooper and his church. The eco kids never so much as called the cops. They got creative instead. They thought it'd be funny to take a page out of Revelations and get Cooper and his family's hopes up with the trumpets. So they got this big-ass rusty old siren from a fire house that just got a new one. The fire chief said they could take the damn thing so long as they carted it off, it's as big as a Mini Cooper. So they trucked this thing down to their compost collective, they put it in a barn, they hook it up to an iPod of all things. And they played these single note trumpet blasts they pulled off the Internet.

Agent Hammond: And they had no idea that you were even there?

Joseph Keenan: [shrugs] Just dumb luck...

ASAC Brooks: How much do you think a cross like that costs?

Joseph Keenan: Do you mean in dollars or common sense?

Joseph Keenan: You said this was going to be a simple in-and-out, sir.

[holds phone up to sound of machine gun fire, then speaks again]

Joseph Keenan: Simple just shit itself.

Mrs. Vasquez: Even the Nazis think this guy is nuckin' futs.

Joseph Keenan: Who fired? *Who fired*, goddamn it?

ASAC Brooks: Local Agent Three!

Sherrif Wynan: [Keenan storms over to Wynan and grabs him by ear] Ah! Goddamn it! What is-?

Joseph Keenan: [sweeps Wynan's hat off] Who the fuck are you?

Sherrif Wynan: I'm...

Joseph Keenan: Did he fire at us?

Sherrif Wynan: No, he-he was armed...

Joseph Keenan: Did he open fire on us?

Sherrif Wynan: That son of a bitch had a machine gun!

Joseph Keenan: They got *kids* in there, asshole!

Sherrif Wynan: Sorry! I'm s...

Joseph Keenan: Kids you just turned into hostages!

Sherrif Wynan: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Joseph Keenan: Asshole!

Sherrif Wynan: You can't talk to me, you son of a bitch, I am a King's County elected official!

Joseph Keenan: [wrests Wynan's rifle from him] Sit your ass back in your vehicle!

[tosses rifle to tactical agent]

Joseph Keenan: *Now!*

[last lines]

Pastor Abin Cooper: [preaching and singing in his jail cell]

Prisoner: [from the next cell] Shut the fuck up!

Pastor Abin Cooper: [from trailer] I fear God. You better believe I fear God.

Cheyenne: They're going to kill my family.

Jarod: Good!

Pastor Abin Cooper: You're already dead sinner. You destroyed your spirit in a waste of shame.

Joseph Keenan: You're still gonna kill them...

Agent Carol: The U.S. Government doesn't kill people, Agent Keenan, in or out of custody.

Agent Hammond: [switches off camera] Of course we're going to kill them, Joe. We're going to kill them with kindness.

Cheyenne: There's babies in the attic!

[repeated line]

Jarod: I'm not even gay!

Jarod: You killed my fucking friend.