Greg Focker: [to Kevin] Why don't you get on your stupid monster yacht with your bubble-butt Russian girlfriend and do Jell-O shots off of Deepak Chopra's butt?

Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?

Greg Focker: To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.

Jack Byrnes: [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?

Greg Focker: Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood.

Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.

Roz Focker: [On the phone long distance, miffed that Bernie's in Spain learning to be a flamenco dancer] You picked a hell of a time to go through manopause!

Bernie Focker: Roz, I'm not going through manopause. I'm just trying to find my 'true north.'

Roz Focker: True north? What are you... a compass or something?

Bernie Focker: No, but let's face it - I'm a stay-at-home dad whose kid hasn't lived at home in 25 years.

Roz Focker: There's an Arthur Murray studio right here in Miami Beach. Why schlep all the way to Spain?

Bernie Focker: Why can't you support my dreams the way I've always supported yours? When you wanted to try new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!

Roz Focker: You volunteered!

Bernie Focker: I pulled my hamstring doing a reverse cowgirl!

Roz Focker: That's because you did it backwards.

Bernie Focker: I never went soft on you.

Roz Focker: Bernie, do you hear how you're upsetting your son?

Bernie Focker: Let me talk. Listen, will you?

Bernie Focker: My two cents: The way you deal with Jack, no matter what he does, just smother that guy with kisses. He'll be putty in your hands.

Greg Focker: He's not a doctor.

Kevin Rawley: Not in the Western sense of the word.

Greg Focker: Not in *any* sense of the word.

Pam Focker: [after meeting Andi] Wow, you told me she sold boner medicine, Greg. You didn't tell me she *is* boner medicine.

Greg Focker: I'm getting off the wheel.

Jack Byrnes: What wheel?

Greg Focker: [losing it] The wheel! The little hamster wheel that we're all running up to get a little taste of your little water thingy!

[imitates a hamster]

Greg Focker: Just, please, approval! Approval! Please! Give me some of the Jack... yeah...

Jack Byrnes: I'm watching you.

Greg Focker: Yeah, well I have eyes too, so I'll be watching you... watching me.

Jack Byrnes: What about Mommy and Daddy, is everything okay with them?

Samantha Focker: I guess they fight sometimes.

Jack Byrnes: Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?

Samantha Focker: Um, like Mommy got mad at Daddy because he was going to the hotel with Andi.

Jack Byrnes: Andi?

[Sam laughs and nods]

Jack Byrnes: Who's Andi?

Samantha Focker: I can't say because I'm not supposed to be spying.

Jack Byrnes: Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying as long as you suspect foul play. So, who's Andi?

Samantha Focker: Andi gives Daddy his boners.

Jack Byrnes: If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?

Jack Byrnes: Focker, there is no way I'm going into an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!

Jack Byrnes: [Defensively to Prudence] I'm not gay myself, but if I were gay, I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker. And that's his actual name.

Kevin Rawley: [Speaking about Andi Garcia's attractiveness] Look, it's natural to get a little tempted.

Greg Focker: Nobody's tempted, nobody's...

Kevin Rawley: Look, even our dear friend, the Buddha, had to pass through sorrow on his way to enlightenment.

Greg Focker: [sarcastically] Our dear friend the Buddha? How's he doing? It's been so long. Do you ever listen to yourself?

Kevin Rawley: I try not to. I speak from the heart, off the cuff, like my man J.C. at the Sermon on the Mount. I think that's what you always admired about me.

Dr. Bob: Okay, I get it, Greg. I screwed up. The pressure of being in that family finally got to me.

Greg Focker: What are you talking about? You were his golden boy.

Dr. Bob: More like his golden bitch. He wanted Deb and me to get married in Oyster Bay. Done. Can we name our baby after him? "You got it, Jack." Then he gives me this whole spiel, right, about how I'm next in line to his throne. He came up with this name for me, the Bobfather.

Greg Focker: Really? He said that to you?

Dr. Bob: Ah. He pulled the same shit on you, didn't he? In that family, we're all just hamsters on Jack Byrnes' little wheel. His Circus of Trust or whatever he calls it.

Greg Focker: Circle of Trust.

Dr. Bob: I had no idea how deep I was in until I stepped away, and I'll tell you something. Once I got off the treadmill, I've never been happier.

Jack Byrnes: [to his former son-in-law as he approaches him in a bar] Dr. Bob... Scumbag!

Bernie Focker: You kids wanna pick your nose and flick your boogers? Do it!

Pam Focker: Hey, Bernie!

Bernie Focker: But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one.

Andi Garcia: Belly flop!

Pam Focker: [about The Early Human School] It's actually considered the Harvard of kindergartens.

Greg Focker: [Perusing a school brochure] Mmm. Well, I think Harvard's cheaper.

Roz Focker: As an early Hanukkah present, I'm going to send you and Pam a box of these musical condoms.

Greg Focker: Don't do that.

Greg Focker: You're not going to erase my son's memory.

Jack Byrnes: Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis. He already has issues. That's something he might never recover from.

Kevin Rawley: Greg, he's not responding to my treatment.

Greg Focker: Really? To you waving your hands over him? He's not a Ouija board, Kevin.

Andi Garcia: If you're going to sell a drug like Sustengo, you need to make it personal. Do you know any sexually frustrated old dudes with a heart condition?

Jack Byrnes: We've had this date since the beginning, Greg.

Jack Byrnes: [as Jack is being loaded into an ambulance, to Greg] Focker!

EMT: Why is he cursing at us?

EMT: We're just trying to help you sir...

Pam Focker: Could you and Dad keep it down, please?

Bernie Focker: Will you get out of here so I can schtup my wife?

Jack Byrnes: Sam might be three-quarters Byrnes, whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him.

Jack Byrnes: I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg.

Greg Focker: Really?

Jack Byrnes: Yeah. The pulse on your carotid artery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence.