Burnt Fury (2007)

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4 March 2016 | lor_
Must have been a slow, slow year for this junker to be nominated "Best Feature"
B. Skow is an interesting filmmaker, one of many (dating back to the legendary Russ Meyer as well as Kubrick) who started off in still photography. This early directorial effort is really poor, frequently insulting, so naturally one of those "esteemed" industry bodies (XBIZ in this case) nominated it for Feature Movie of the Year. It didn't hurt (hint, hint) that this was a Vivid release.

Basically Skow and his scripter hokily credited as "Meathead" (no, it wasn't Rob Reiner slumming), are riffing on dumb cop shows but the intended humor is consistently asinine. Nadir of the shenanigans is when the silly blue-jeans cops Evan Stone and Tommy Gunn conduct some unorthodox crime scene investigation procedures, resulting in cum evidence splattering all over the glasses and face of their hapless Edward James Olmos stand-in, a detective played by Lee Garland as an in-joke, since Garland's day job is make-up artist on the shoot.

Hook is that the victims are all big-breasted women, who turn out to be hookers working for primo hooker Lanny Barby (who is the Vivid contract star around whom this WPA project is erected). Clumsy flashbacks establish the serial killer as MM for Madame Mammary, her identity revealed in a thoroughly underwhelming finale. The actress playing this non-sex role is a one-shot, cast for her ginormous tits.

What bothered me watching this trifle was the facetious attitude of Skow & company, quite typical of the current cinema scene (top-ranked mainstream folk ranging from Tarantino to Wes Anderson take this approach) but still incredibly annoying. If something's funny, then fine - I realize from the sage wisdom of Steve Martin that "comedy isn't pretty". But this amateurish attempt at humor is a failure throughout, particularly as Evan Stone, who is perfectly capable of turning in a fine performance, is allowed to be as silly here as he usually is when trying to destroy one of those idiotic BTS short subjects. Clearly Skow assumes only sub-human morons are watching, but that condescension, which has been unfortunately a trademark of porn professionals dating back to Novak and Friedman in the '60s, is self-defeating. I take this stuff seriously and am appalled, given that Skow has made some fine features when he approaches his profession with a little more self- respect.

Top-heavy Barby is pretty as usual, and probably stealing the film (if anybody would want it in the first place) is Regan Reese (sic), uninhibited and fully as breasty as Barby in the opening sex scene where she plays role reversal with cop Stone. He's handcuffed with woman on top action, and later Skow includes a novelty of having handcuff on one Stone wrist, the other around his cock as Regan rides it.

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