[Colee finally feels T.K's penis work for the first time]
Colee Dunn: Is it working?
T.K. Poole: What?
Colee Dunn: Is it working?
T.K. Poole: As a matter of fact, yeah, its working pretty good right now.
Colee Dunn: That's great!
Colee Dunn: [Colee hugs T.K. when she feels his penis working] Uh, yeah, okay. Yep, that's working. Um... that's great. Ahh. Wow. We should get out.
[T.K. tells Cheaver and Colee to not talk about plane crashes when on a plane]
T.K. Poole: Don't talk about planes crashing when you're on a plane.
Colee Dunn: Why not?
T.K. Poole: It's basic common sense.
Fred Cheaver: It's the same reason that when you're on a cruise ship, they're not showing 'Titanic.' It scares people. Who wants to think about drunk pilots and mid-air collisions? Nothing you can do about it, anyway.
[T.K. has a drink of vodka with Cheaver and Colee after their bar fight]
T.K. Poole: What you really want after a fight is whiskey because it mellows you out. If you wanna get mean, you drink gin. Vodka, if you want to zone out. And you save tequila for when you want to get crazy.
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver points to Colee] She didn't need tequila tonight.
[Colee quotes the sex line that Cheaver made the girl Janet yell in bed]
Colee Dunn: 'Ohh! Ohh! I think I'm fixin' to come!'
T.K. Poole: [T.K. talks to his platoon while in Iraq] The key is listening to the signals and hearing what they're saying. If she touches you soft, that's how she wants to be touched. You do that until you can hear her get wet. You gotta know women. I'm serious. Last time I went home, my girl was so grateful, she went right outside and started to wash my car. Detailed it, everything, just to thank me. Nah, we gotta stop talking about pussy, 'cause if we're not careful, pussy's gonna get us killed. Especially in this neighborhood and I'm not gonna let pussy get us killed.
[the group land at the JFK airport as Colee makes a comment]
Colee Dunn: It's good to be home.
[Colee tells Cheaver and T.K. they're the lucky ones]
Colee Dunn: We're the lucky ones, aren't we? We made it through in one piece. I got shot in the leg, but all I gotta do is put some goo on it.
[Cheaver decides to rent a car and drive all night to get home]
Fred Cheaver: Well, it was nice meeting you all. I'm outta here. Good luck.
Colee Dunn: Where you going?
Fred Cheaver: I'm gonna rent a car before there's none left. It's 14 hours to St. Louis. Drive all night, be there having dinner with my wife tomorrow. Sure as shit not gonna stay here while they run out of food and water.
[as T.K. and Colee silently look at each other]
[Colee introduces herself to T.K. and Cheaver]
Colee Dunn: Hey, we're all on the same team!
[Peter Tilson asks Cheaver and the soldiers what are they doing over there overseas]
Peter Tilson: What do you really think we're fighting for? What are you doing over there?
Fred Cheaver: Honestly, we're just trying to stay alive.
Bob: Stay alive?
Peter Tilson: I bet that's not so easy.
Bob: Stay alive. Jesus Christ. If that's your attitude no wonder we're losing.
[Colee and T.K. drive straight into a tornado when Colee suggests they get out of the car]
T.K. Poole: Holy shit.
Colee Dunn: Holy shit is right. Get out of the car.
T.K. Poole: I'm not getting out of the car.
Colee Dunn: You stay in this car you might die!
T.K. Poole: If I leave the car I might die!
[Cheaver doesn't accept Colee's guitar, as Cheaver reminds her that it's her guitar]
Colee Dunn: Cheaver, take the guitar. Please.
Fred Cheaver: You take that guitar, Colee. It's your guitar.
Colee Dunn: Yeah?
Fred Cheaver: Yeah.
Colee Dunn: Thank you, Cheaver.
Fred Cheaver: [as Cheaver says with a smile] No, thank you
[Cheaver tells T.K. to go to Canada instead of the Army]
Fred Cheaver: Maybe you don't go back. Maybe you go to Canada? Take a break.
T.K. Poole: I can't go to Canada, man. You're a coward if you go to Canada.
Fred Cheaver: Yeah, but you're a coward that's alive. Plus, you've done your service. You've given a lot. More than most people.
T.K. Poole: I can't do it. They got shit football in Canada.
[T.K. changes the bandage on Colee's leg after her wound re-opens up]
Colee Dunn: Have you ever done this before?
T.K. Poole: No. But sometimes you gotta... put things on just to get things done, you know?
Colee Dunn: [Colee nods her head up and down] Mm-hmm.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. whispers] You'll be fine.
[T.K. gets in a car accident when a wooden pole just misses his head]
Colee Dunn: [Colee from the passenger seat] Holy shit. Are you all right?
T.K. Poole: [T.K. lowers his head that just missed the wooden pole] Yeah.
Colee Dunn: My God, T.K., you're so lucky.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. whispers] Yeah, well... I'm a lucky guy.
[Cheaver comforts Colee in the car who's crying over not giving Cheaver the guitar]
Fred Cheaver: Colee. Come on, Colee. All right, listen? How about you stop crying and we'll stop?
Colee Dunn: What do you mean?
Fred Cheaver: You been wanting to sightsee, right?
Colee Dunn: Yeah?
Fred Cheaver: Okay, so we'll go somewhere, do something.
Colee Dunn: Can we have a picnic?
T.K. Poole: [Cheaver pauses when he hears T.K. answer from the driver's seat] Yeah, a picnic, whatever.
Fred Cheaver: Yeah!.
[Colee let's Cheaver know the good news about T.K's penis working]
Colee Dunn: Hey Cheave! Guess what?
Fred Cheaver: What?
Colee Dunn: His penis works.
Fred Cheaver: What do you mean? You got wood?
Colee Dunn: Yeah, definitely wood.
Fred Cheaver: So we dont need these ladies anymore?
Colee Dunn: No, He is all fixed up. He could pound nail with that thing.
Fred Cheaver: Pound a nail?
Colee Dunn: Uh-huh.
Fred Cheaver: How do you know that? Did you touch it?
Colee Dunn: No, I didn't have to. It was just poking right into me. It's a miracle!
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver smiles] You are one lucky bastard, T.K.
[T.K. and Colee try to care for Cheaver after he takes a handful of sleeping pills earlier in the day]
T.K. Poole: You gotta give us those pills, we're not gonna let you off yourself.
Colee Dunn: If you kill yourself, Cheaver, do you know where you go?
Fred Cheaver: Um... Hell?
Colee Dunn: Worse. The Lake of Fire.
Fred Cheaver: 'The Lake of Fire?'
Colee Dunn: Yeah. You don't wanna go there.
Fred Cheaver: I feel like I'm in it.
[Cheaver corrects a soldier at the hospital when looking at a list to be checked out]
Fred Cheaver: Hey, here it is. Hey. 'Sergeant Fred Cheaver, 648th, Reserves'. Hello? It's right here.
Soldier in Hospital: That's how you spell it?
Fred Cheaver: With a 'C-H'? How else would you spell Cheaver?
Soldier in Hospital: Probably lots of ways.
Fred Cheaver: Not in English.
[Cheaver blows up an air-doughnut to rest behind his back on the plane]
Colee Dunn: [as Colee makes a comment] If we go down in the water, you're gonna be sitting pretty.
Fred Cheaver: What?
Colee Dunn: I said, if we crash in the ocean, your doughnut's gonna come in handy. It'll be like an extra life preserver.
Fred Cheaver: If we crash in the ocean, it's not gonna matter.
[the rental car agent gives Cheaver and the group his last rental car]
Rental Car Agent: You guys in the Army?
Fred Cheaver: Yeah.
Rental Car Agent: Were you over there?
T.K. Poole: Just got back.
Rental Car Agent: [the rental car agent signals for them to listen closer] All right, listen. I do have one car left. I was supposed to hold it for my boss, but... screw it. You guys can have it.
Colee Dunn: Oh, my God. That's so nice, thank you.
Rental Car Agent: No, no. Thank you.
[Colee asks Cheaver if he was shot over there]
Fred Cheaver: A Port-O-John fell on me.
T.K. Poole: What?
Colee Dunn: Was it full?
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver chuckles] No, it was brand-spanking new, it was completely sanitary. We were setting up a camp outside of Bandar and it fell off the forklift.
T.K. Poole: Well, don't tell the ladies that. You gotta find something better than that.
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver smiles] You kidding? I love that Port-O-John. The best thing that ever happened to me. A week later, my unit shipped off to Mosul, got shot to pieces. That shitter saved my life. I wish I could've brought it home. Set up a shrine. If I have another kid, I'm gonna name him Port-O-John. Port-O-John Cheaver.
[T.K. puts in his food order at McDonald's]
T.K. Poole: [with a serious look] Give me the number 8, the number 9, and number 10. Coffee, orange juice, and milk.
[Colee fights with T.K. over her friend Randy]
Colee Dunn: Randy had a gambling debt, yep. That's why he had to rob Lucky Jim's. He stole $50,000 so he could pay back the loan sharks. But then, of course, the cops got on his tail, and that's when he enlisted. You know, he just went right into the Army and disappeared. It was the perfect getaway.
T.K. Poole: See, that's exactly what the Army doesn't want. The Army's got standards. Like, it means something. It's not like lowlifes and gang bangers.
Colee Dunn: What?
T.K. Poole: The last thing we need is trash like your pal, Randy.
Colee Dunn: [Colee throws her McDonald's soda at T.K] Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver in the driver seat] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
T.K. Poole: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Colee Dunn: [Colee punches T.K. in his shoulder] That trash saved my fucking life! He pulled me out of that truck when I got shot and he took a fucking bullet in the fucking head!
[Cheaver accidentally locks the keys in the rental car]
T.K. Poole: Just press the key thing, man.
Fred Cheaver: The keys are in the car.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. tries all the doors] What the fuck were you thinkin'?
Fred Cheaver: I was thinking I had two fuckin' nutcases throwing shit and getting into a fight!
Colee Dunn: We didn't fight!
Fred Cheaver: This is not my fault!
[Colee and the soldiers walk in the middle of nowhere looking for a way to get back into their rental car]
Colee Dunn: [as Colee talks about Randy's guitar endlessly] So, they went on this worldwide tour and they - They got - Because they got this contract and they got to meet the queen and they got to meet the president. And after that, Randy got the guitar from his daddy who got it from his granddaddy who got it from Elvis.
T.K. Poole: Elvis? Come on.
Colee Dunn: It's true. That guitar is worth a lot of money.
[Colee gets in a fight with a college girl who makes fun of how she limps]
Colee Dunn: [Colee tells the girl about her leg] I'm limping because when I was over there, I got shot in the leg.
College Girl: That wasn't very smart, was it?
[as Colee pushes the girl to the floor, bites a guy who grabs her by the arm, and then punches another guy]
[T.K. stands beside Colee at the college bar, holding their fists up]
T.K. Poole: [T.K. with a smile] That's right. Be afraid. Nah, be very afraid.
[Colee tells the guys that you get drunk faster when drinking through a straw]
Colee Dunn: If you drink through a straw, it gets you drunker.
Fred Cheaver: That's not true.
Colee Dunn: Of course it is.
Fred Cheaver: That's ridiculous.
Colee Dunn: Mm-hmm.
Fred Cheaver: How can that be true?
Colee Dunn: Well, I don't know how it works, it just - It - It just goes in faster.
[Cheaver is told by his wife that she wants a divorce from him]
Fred Cheaver: You seeing someone else? You can tell me.
Pat Cheaver: No. I'm not seeing anyone else. I don't want to see anyone else. I'm happy being alone. I want to be alone. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I am happy... without you.
Colee Dunn: [Colee whispers to T.K. in the other room] Oh, my God.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. whispers back] This is what makes a guy flip out. He's gonna strangle her.
Colee Dunn: [whispering] It's Cheaver. He wouldn't strangle her.
T.K. Poole: [whispering] Okay, shoot her, whatever.
[Cheaver sees his son Scott for the first time when arriving back home]
Scott Cheaver: I got into Stanford!
Scott Cheaver: [Cheaver hugs his son] Yeah! Oh my! Yeah! All right. I knew you could do it!
Scott Cheaver: I got in. Yeah, and I got a scholarship that will pay for half of the tuition.
Fred Cheaver: Fantastic.
Scott Cheaver: And I made 6 grand working this year.
Fred Cheaver: Excellent.
Scott Cheaver: And I need $20,000 to pay for the rest.
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver still tries to smile] That's not so great.
[Colee and T.K. wish Cheaver good luck on his drive to his brother's house, still depressed over his wife wanting a divorce]
T.K. Poole: Don't drive straight through, okay? You'll get into a wreck.
Fred Cheaver: Not a bad idea.
Colee Dunn: What?
Fred Cheaver: Kiss a telephone pole going 90. Collect some life insurance money.
T.K. Poole: No, no, no, no, no, no. Forget that, because insurance doesn't pay for suicide.
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver smiles] Not if it's an accident.
T.K. Poole: All right, enough with the crazy talk, please?
[T.K. talks to his girlfriend on the phone and says to his girlfriend that he's traveling with two guys]
Colee Dunn: [as T.K. hangs up the phone Colee responds] Oh my, lord. You're one good liar. You know that? But, just so you know, that's not a good thing. That just makes you a big phony.
T.K. Poole: But most of what I said was true.
Colee Dunn: Except you forgot the part about the titty bars.
T.K. Poole: It's 'cause I'm not going to a titty bar.
Colee Dunn: It seems to me if you can't tell your soul mate the truth then maybe she's not really your soul mate.
T.K. Poole: I didn't say she was my soul mate.
Colee Dunn: If Randy lied to me... I'd take that guitar and I would bust it over his head and the damn lap dancers, too!
[T.K. tells Cheaver and Colee that he's going to Las Vegas to have a high-end girl help get his penis working for his girlfriend]
Colee Dunn: [about T.K.'s girlfriend] Well, even if it doesn't work, you can still pleasure her.
Fred Cheaver: That's true.
Colee Dunn: Yep. You can do threesomes.
Fred Cheaver: With another girl.
Colee Dunn: No, with another guy! The guy does it with T.K.'s fiancée while T.K. watches.
[Cheaver tries to stop Colee from giving T.K. sex advice with his girlfriend]
Colee Dunn: You can use a vibrator. They make them real life-like these days, you can even strap it on.
Fred Cheaver: Colee...
Colee Dunn: Or, you know, they can put this thing in your penis. It's like a balloon.
Colee Dunn: [Colee begins making a pumping action with her hands] And all you gotta do is just pump it - Pump it up.
Fred Cheaver: Colee?
Colee Dunn: Yeah?
Fred Cheaver: Enough.
Colee Dunn: Well, it's just about how much you love her.
[Cheaver asks Colee why she's not going to see her own mother after Randy's parents]
Colee Dunn: She kicked me out of the house when I was 16, wanted to spend more alone time with her boyfriend. The only people I really wanna talk to now are Randy's family. I'm gonna stay with them from now on.
Fred Cheaver: Well, you can use my phone to tell them we're running late.
Colee Dunn: No, that's okay. They don't even know I'm coming.
[Cheaver talks to T.K. about Colee giving the guitar to a family that doesn't know she's even coming]
Fred Cheaver: ou know that family Colee's bringing the guitar to?
T.K. Poole: Um-hmm.
Fred Cheaver: She thinks she's gonna live with them. They're gonna be her family.
T.K. Poole: That girl's living in a dream world.
[Cheaver and T.K. find Colee in a church during a pastor's speech, when they sit beside her]
Pastor Nolan: Now, in the spirit of our lord, who died for our sins, let's reach out to each other with the greeting of peace.
Colee Dunn: [Colee turns to Cheaver and shakes his hand] Peace be with you.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. whispers to Colee] We should get out of here.
Colee Dunn: [Colee whispers back] Yeah, I know. Peace be with you.
[Pastor Nolan calls out to the audience as Colee stands up to seek for prayers]
Pastor Nolan: And if any of you are in trouble, I encourage you to speak out. Testify.
Colee Dunn: [Colee stands up] I'm hoping you could pray for us. Um, we're soldiers home on leave and my friends here are troubled. Cheaver has a very bad back and broken marriage and he wants to take his own life. And T.K. is wounded in the private parts, which is why he's lying to fiance about going to whores.
Pastor Nolan: [T.K. quietly shakes his head with a smile on his face as Colee sits back down] Thank you, sister.
[Pastor Nolan prays for both Cheaver and T.K]
Pastor Nolan: [Pastor Nolan holds his hand to Cheaver's back] Lord, help these soldiers, who have given so much for this country. Ease the burden of pain from brother Cheaver's back, and heal his broken spirit.
Pastor Nolan: [Pastor Nolan reaches his hand out to T.K's lower waist] As for brother T.K. make his wounded...
T.K. Poole: [T.K. stops the Pastor] Whoa!
Pastor Nolan: Whole again. Amen.
Colee Dunn: [Colee whispers] Amen.
[T.K. asks Colee to dance while at Stan Tilson's birthday party]
T.K. Poole: [the two hold each others hands] Does it hurt?
Colee Dunn: Yeah, a little I guess.
T.K. Poole: I think you could put your foot on mine.
Colee Dunn: Put my foot on yours?
T.K. Poole: Yeah.
Colee Dunn: Like, on your toes?
T.K. Poole: Sure.
[Cheaver sleeps with a married woman while in the guest bedroom of Stan Tilson's home, when her husband walks in]
Fred Cheaver: Who's that?
Janet: [the man starts getting undressed] That's just my husband.
Fred Cheaver: Your what?
Janet: Don't stop.
Janet's Husband: [the man whispers] Keep going. Give it to her good, soldier.
[Cheaver, Colee, T.K. run out of Stan Tilson's house after Cheaver is caught having sex with the girl Janet]
Colee Dunn: Oh, Cheaver, that woman wanted to make a train with you.
Fred Cheaver: Shh!
T.K. Poole: Do you still wanna kill yourself?
Fred Cheaver: Not at the moment.
Colee Dunn: There's still hope, you know. That woman wanted you.
T.K. Poole: Yeah, that man wanted you, too.
Fred Cheaver: That's not funny.
[Colee and T.K. continue to talk about her friend Randy robbing a casino]
Colee Dunn: That's right. Walked in there by himself and walked out with $50,000.
T.K. Poole: Oh, so, Randy was like a bad-ass, right?
Colee Dunn: Yeah. He was a good person, too, you know? He came from a great family.
T.K. Poole: He just robbed a little bit, is that it?
[T.K. tells Colee to give Cheaver her guitar for the $20,000 Cheaver needs to pay for his sons college]
T.K. Poole: [to Colee] If you're so worried about him, why don't you give him that guitar of yours?
Colee Dunn: What? I can't give him Randy's guitar.
T.K. Poole: Why not? It's a stolen guitar.
Colee Dunn: It's not stolen. It belongs to his family. Besides, I mean, I don't see the problem, you know? I enlisted and I went over there.
T.K. Poole: Yeah, but what choice did you have?
Colee Dunn: And if I was gonna sell a guitar, don't you think I'd use it to pay for my own goddamn college?
T.K. Poole: Yeah, but it wouldn't be Stanford.
Colee Dunn: You don't know that.
T.K. Poole: Come on. The guy's gonna kill himself if you don't give him that guitar.
Fred Cheaver: I'm not gonna kill myself, and I don't need your guitar.
[Colee solves T.K.'s problem with needing help sexually]
Colee Dunn: I was in the bathroom, and I met these real nice girls, and they travel around in that RV over there.
T.K. Poole: Uh-huh.
Colee Dunn: And what they do is they're sex workers. They're real professional, and I told them about your problem and they said...
T.K. Poole: You got to stop telling people that.
Colee Dunn: They said they could take care of it, and they said they'd give you a discount because you're a service man wounded in the war.
Fred Cheaver: Sounds like a good deal to me.
Colee Dunn: That's what I thought.
[Colee sets T.K. up with the professional sex worker at the RV]
Brandi: Oh, he's so cute, I'll do it for free.
Colee Dunn: [Colee smiles, looking to T.K] For free? How's that sound?
Kendra: Don't worry, she'll get it going or if she can't, nobody can.
Brandi: You come with me.
Colee Dunn: [as T.K. walks off with the sex worker] You all right? We're here for you.
[Colee hugs onto T.K. as the tornado passes over them in the drainage ditch]
Colee Dunn: [Colee whispers into T.K's ear] It's okay. We'll be fine.
[Colee and T.K. say goodbye to each other for what they think will be their final goodbye]
Colee Dunn: I'm happy for you T.K. You know, you're going home to your girlfriend. That's gonna be real nice. Just treat her right.
T.K. Poole: Okay.
Colee Dunn: And when you get married, let me know because I want to send you something. And you got lots of celebrating to do. You got your bridal shower and your engagement party...
T.K. Poole: Colee, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Colee Dunn: And your rehearsal dinner. It's gonna be nice. Just take care.
Colee Dunn: [Colee goes in to hug T.K. as T.K. kisses Colee on the lips] That was a bit forward.
[Cheaver talks with the Army Recruiter while walking on the Las Vegas strip]
Army Recruiter: How you doing today, sir?
Fred Cheaver: I'll know in about 30 minutes.
Army Recruiter: [the recruiter laughs] Never too old to sign up. You ever think about it?
Fred Cheaver: [Cheaver smiles] I just got out.
Army Recruiter: That'd be the best time to get back in.
[Colee tells Randy and his family, and his girlfriend how special they are]
Colee Dunn: [with tears in her eyes] Shannon, um... there's a couple things that you should know. Randy, he loved you with all his heart and soul and... he talked about you all the time. And, you know, he knew that he had made a big mistake and he was gonna make it up to you. And Tom and Jeanie, he just loved you so much. He knew what great parents you were and... grandparents, too, and... and he was just so looking forward to coming home. Y'all have been so nice to me. And I think I should go.
[Cheaver and Colee go to the Las Vegas jail to find out what T.K. is being charged with]
Fred Cheaver: What's the charge?
Detective #1: Armed robbery.
Fred Cheaver: Armed robbery?
Colee Dunn: What did he rob?
Detective #2: You ever heard of a casino called 'Lucky Jim's?'
Colee Dunn: [Colee slowly answers] Yeah. Yeah, I heard of that.
[Cheaver and Colee question T.K's motives for admitting to a robbery he didn't commit]
T.K. Poole: Look at me. Prison's gonna be easy for a guy like me. I got it all figured out. I can get a college degree in there. I'll be out in 18 months. This is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Fred Cheaver: You'll be an ex-con.
T.K. Poole: [T.K. with a smile replies] Yeah, but a living ex-con.
[Colee looks at a photograph of Cheaver dancing with his wife]
Colee Dunn: You must be a good dancer, huh?
Fred Cheaver: Oh, no. My wife's a good dancer. I just try to keep up. She loves all those Latin dances. Samba, Merengue, The Tango.
Colee Dunn: She's a looker, huh?
Fred Cheaver: Yeah, she is. What she's doing with someone like me, I'll never know and I'm not gonna ask.