Witless Protection (2008)

Larry the Cable Guy: Deputy Larry Stalder

Photos 

Quotes 

• Larry : Having money isn't the same thing as having class you know.

• Larry : I'm gonna shove that BlackBerry up where it's gonna be a BrownBerry.

• Larry : You gotta be kidding me. That girl had more scars on her chest than Frankenstein.

  Norm : That's because she was mauled by a bear. But her boobs were real.

• Arthur Grimsley : Well played, for a hillbilly.

  Larry : Hey, I won. That means I get to go to your big hoedown tonight.

  Arthur Grimsley : In your dreams.

  Larry : No, I dream about getting a nut rub from Scarlett Johansson. That ain't gonna happen.

• Larry : [smarting after a handshake from Duvall]  Man, my hand ain't been this sore since the first episode of "Baywatch".

• Larry : [telling Madeleine to flee]  You need to speed it up. I'm trying to execute a flawless ejaculation.

• Sheriff Smoot : Elmer's in the barn. He's armed, and he's got a hostage, somebody named Buttercup. We figure it's either his girlfriend or his horse.

  Larry : With Elmer, it's the same thing.

• Madeleine : Why do I bother with a man who keeps a possum in his glove compartment?

  Larry : Wally's in the glove box? Wally! Wally!

• Larry : You know, the only way to get them folks to back off is if you give them the key to the access codes.

  Madeleine : Or if I'm dead.

  Larry : Wait a minute. Sure, I can kill ya. Then I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

• Larry : Ah. Boy, Connie, you know what your malts do to me?

  Connie : Countin' on it, darlin'. I get off in an hour.

  Larry : Ain't gonna take that long. I got Crisco at my house.

• Madeleine : Are you trying to imply that you didn't just break wind?

  Larry : That little squeak? That was all you, sugar. Believe me, if I let one fly, they'll pick that up on the Doppler.

• Larry : How can I trust you?

  Wilford Duvall : Trust me?

  Larry : Yeah, trust you.

  Wilford Duvall : Trust this.

  [Duvall pulls out a gun, Larry passes gas] 

  Larry : Oh. That was a fear fart.

• Larry : Wait here.

  Madeleine : Alone?

  Larry : If I get killed or captured or knocked in the head with a ball peen hammer, call Doc Savage.

  Madeleine : On my two-way wrist TV?

  Larry : That's Dick Tracy. Rondog Savage. My brother-in-law. He's the medical examiner around this area.

• [last lines] 

  Connie : I didn't think I'd ever see you again, 'cept maybe on "Cops".

  Larry : Well, guess I had to take the long way around to figure out what I really wanted was just to be with you.