Santa Claus: Hey, buddy. Can you maybe, uh, stop calling my wife an "Old Crone?" You look a little lost.
Sir Cole: Indeed. I fear I'm no closer to becoming a true knight than I was before the crone sent me here.
Santa Claus: Crone?
Sir Cole: A wise woman that presents herself in various disguises to test the hearts of knights.
Santa Claus: You must be one of those method actors. You really get into your roles, huh?
Sir Cole: A knight is always pure of heart. Alas, I fear I'm no close to achieving my quest than I was the moment I got here.
Santa Claus: I like to say that it's the joy of Christmas that reminds us of the faith we need to sustain us throughout the year, you know? Failure only happens when you give up. With hope and determination, well, they fuel champions.
Sir Cole: Hm. Verily. Thank you for your wise council, Father Christmas.
Brooke: Um, well, first thing I think we should do is update your wardrobe by... at least a few centuries. I'm sure I can find something my ex-boyfriend left lying around.
Sir Cole: Well, please thank him for me.
Brooke: Oh, well, he's my ex, um, which means I don't see him anymore.
Sir Cole: Mm. Well, I'm sorry.
Brooke: No, don't be. He turned out to be, as the kids say, a real douche.
Sir Cole: I see. Well, um, while you fetch the douche's garments, might I inquire as to a tub and a cauldron so that I can boil some water for a bath?
Sir Cole: [hearing a radio for the first time] Where are the minstrels playing that lyrical melody?
Madison: Yeah, so, who's the steel-cut hottie you were talking to?
Sir Cole: A knight always keeps faith. It's part of our code.
Brooke: What else is part of your knight's code?
Sir Cole: A knight is sworn to valor and virtue. His blade defends the good, and his might upholds the weak. His temper shall be led by patience, and his kindness will give aid to those who seek it.
Sir Cole: Brooke, might I ask you a personal question regarding your dalliance with the douche?
[Claire offers Cole a fist-bump]
Sir Cole: Yes, but we knights shake hands to prove we are weapon-free.
Old Crone: Because of your kindness, I'll tell you this: The quest you have searched for long and hard these many years begins this day. You shall travel to faraway lands, see things undreamed of - flying steel dragons and horses, magic boxes that make merry.
Sir Cole: Is that so? Where exactly will this quest lead me?
Old Crone: To your destiny. To fulfill your dream and become a true knight. Here...
Sir Cole: Me thinks you've spent too long in the cold. Better get you to shelter.
Old Crone: Heed this warning: If you fail to fulfill your quest before midnight on Christmas Eve, you shall never become a true knight.
Sir Cole: [looking at images on Brooke's computer] That can not be my England.
Brooke: It's a livestream view of the Tower of London.
Sir Cole: That's an extraordinarily large number of prisoners.
Brooke: No, they're not prisoners. They're tourists. It's an attraction now. People pay money to have a look around.
Sir Cole: Honestly, what next?