Robot Chicken: Star Wars (2007 TV Short)

Seth MacFarlane: Emperor Palpatine

Photos 

Quotes 

• Luke Skywalker : Your overconfidence is your weakness.

  Palpatine : Your faith in your friends is yours.

  Luke Skywalker : Not my faith in yo momma...

  Palpatine : What was that?

  Luke Skywalker : I said yo momma's so fat, Jabba the Hutt said DAAAAAMN!

  Palpatine : Well, your mother is so ugly she put the 'ug' in 'ugnaught!'

  Darth Vader : Ohh, yo momma fight!

  [Cut to next scene. Luke and Palpatine are on stage in front of a crowd] 

  Luke Skywalker : Yo momma's so stupid, she spent all day saying 'am not' to R2!

  Palpatine : Your mother is so fat, that Ben Kenobi said 'That's no moon, that's yo momma!'

  Luke Skywalker : Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Jar Jar came with pickles pickles!

  Palpatine : Your mother is so stupid she, she thinks, uh, that lightsabres come with fewer calories!

  [Music cuts. Crowd fallls silent] 

  Palpatine : You know, cause it's 'lite,' and it's got less calories... and it's good for your body, ummm... anyway that's how stupid your mother is...

  Luke Skywalker : Yo momma's so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!

  Crowd : Luke wins!

  [Darth Vader throws Palpatine into the reactor core] 

• Palpatine : [on the phone with Darth Vader]  Vader! How's my favorite Sith?... Whoa whoa whoa... whoa, whoa. Just - slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck! FUCK!... Who's "they"?... What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?

  [sighs] 

  Palpatine : OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you shitting me?... Well, where are you?... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you - do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my credit?

  [phone beeps, he sighs] 

  Palpatine : Hang on, I've got another call.

  [switches line] 

  Palpatine : WHAT? I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, all right, uh... just get me a turkey club... Um, coleslaw, I guess. I'm not even gonna eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - what?... Oh, uh, Cherry Coke. Thanks.

  [switches line] 

  Palpatine : Sorry about that.

  [sighs] 

  Palpatine : What?... Oh, oh, "just rebuild it"? Oh, real fucking original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?... You got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!...

  [covers receiver] 

  Palpatine : Oh, jeez, he's crying!

  [giggles, then into phone] 

  Palpatine : Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of fuckin' teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap.

  [makes "jack-off" motion] 

  Palpatine : Oh, uh - just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I... um... I...

  Palpatine : [whispers into phone]  I love you, too.