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  • Private released many action/porn combination features a decade back, most of them amateurish garbage. "Subbassbody", better known as "Evil Geishas Hotel", is typical, with technique resembling those thousands of backyard horror videos made regionally around this time, issued in endless DVD sets by Mill Creek and others.

    Though set in L.A., film seems to have been shot in Spain or elsewhere in Europe like most of Private productions. John Long in a non-sex leading role plays Franky, the agent for a leading L.A. deejay named Misty, played by diminutive Filipino porn actress Lady May, who I had previously seen in an uninhibited role in the ultra-gonzo experiment "Artcore".

    What passes for a story is merely narrated to the camera by Long, while poor editing, worse cropping of image, and random sex footage mixed with ill-advised action scenes fill out the running time. Premise is that Misty has lost her creativity (as if deejays could be accused of having any in the first place) and under the influence of Black Diamond (poorly played with purple hair by Spanish actress Mierkoles, who has trouble enunciating the English dialog) goes to the abandoned hotel to pass through "7 Doors of Sacrament", mystical mumbo jumbo credited to writer- director "".

    If that sounds like a video game, it doesn't play like one, just Misty participating in or watching folks have sex at the hotel, apparently shot at an abandoned hospital. If this were a mainstream film, initial criticism would be casting non-Orientals as the "geishas", basically some sexy Euro Porn regulars from the Private stable including the great Claudia Rossi and Suzie Diamond. Breast in show goes to Natalia Zeta, a top-heavy Spanish beauty.

    Worst scene is a lesson in poor SPFX, as phony looking muzzle flares from machine guns vie with sloppy red sploches on the screen during a shootout of Franky's gang of Central Casting thugs foolishly taking aim at a demon geisha, played by Alexa. In modern Mafia films the goombahs are usually played by British or Irish actors (Michael Gambon, Gabriel Byrne, etc.), so perhaps avoiding Japanese actresses demeaning themselves in these porn assignments is logical too.

    Olivier Sanchez and George Uhl, both fixtures in Euro porn, do much of the humping, leading to a terrible ending scene of Misty deciding on her future (and opting for cash rather than spiritual sustenance, clearly the pornographers' preference) with such lousy acting as to be nearly campy in its crappiness. I doubt if most viewers will make it through to that finish.