3 April 2017 | lor_
Idiotic and badly dated attempt at XXX comedy
As a prankster, writer & director David Stanley holds a special place (in the corner wearing a Dunce Cap) in recent Adult Cinema history, with innumerable Vivid and Wicked titles of screwy and screwier content. His predilection for mystical & irrational themes finds an unappetizing apotheosis in "Crescendo: 2012", as dated as a move about Y2K.
Viewing it 10 years after is useful, since the story set on December 21, 2012 features sort-of reverse predictions by Stanley about what would happen from 2007 through 2012. His claim that cell phones would be banned unfortunately didn't take place, but the election of a dolphin as U.S. president in 2012 isn't that far off from what we got in 2016, in terms of competence for the office.
Stanley's favorite actor Randy Spears stars with Wicked contract girl Kirsten Price in what amounts to a two-hander: they're friends who throw a sex party to celebrate The End of the World As We Know It, on the eve of 12/22/12, which impressionable folk (including dear Stanley) thought might be The End, per ancient Mayan Calendar predictions. Film consists of turgid, unfunny attempts at humor in the duo's dialog sparring, and the unfolding of the deadly dull XXX party. Vanessa Monet holds center stage briefly to provide IR content servicing partygoers Chris Cannon and Eric Masterson.
Credits are very poor here, with most of the performers attending festivities at Randy's fake-looking pad (including Stanley himself as the party emcee wearing a Groucho Halloweeen fake nose, glasses & mustache) not listed. Sex scenes are mechanical and the feature's mix of pretentiousness and silliness is indigestible.
Adding insult to injury, a Spears/Stanley collaboration would not be complete without foot fetishism, so we get identical types (poor casting) Jenaveve Jolie and Jayna Oso applying their four little feet simultaneously to Randy's cock during their threesome scene, resulting in the inevitable "ejaculation on feet" result.
Kirsten is vivacious and perky as always, but saddled with an unplayable role. Party fails to provide an orgy even though that is expected, and coda after everyone's gone home is so sappy (and technically crude, with a legit theater type moving backdrop and cheap SPFX) one would think Stanley's career goal was to go into mainstream TV and direct a reboot of "Little House on the Prairie". Thankfully, such projects do not entertain hiring of ex-porn directors.