Jack and the Beanstalk (2009)

G   |    |  Adventure, Comedy, Family


Jack and the Beanstalk (2009) Poster

Jack goes up the beanstalk to rescue a little girl who has been transformed into a harp.

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4.8/10
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Awards

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User Reviews


18 July 2011 | mattbaxter72
2
| They don't make 'em like this any more, thank God
You know how your granny complains that they never make nice films any more, that the whole family can sit down and watch? This was clearly designed by your granny, as something nice and old fashioned; the trouble is, I think the old bird's getting a bit senile.

It goes like this: Jack lives in fairyland, where everything is a fairy story, and he wants to be a hero. But in order to do so, he has to go on a quest and learn about things like Sacrifice and Perseverance and I'm sorry I just can't go on. I just can't.

It's not the clichéd plot that kills this movie. It's not even the hideous, explosion-in-a-cuteness-factory design of the sets. It's the acting, and the characters. They're just AWFUL. Jack himself is the kind of precocious brat who needs a good whack upside the head, but he's nothing compared to poor Christopher Lloyd, who is forced to explain every joke very slowly, over and over, as though he's speaking to an audience that's suffering from major brain damage. Lloyd is better than the frantically mugging Wallace Shawn, who plays multiple roles, all of them dreadful. Even that shameful performance is far, far better than Gilbert Gottfried, who is just insufferable as a human chicken. Did no one look at that character? Did no one think that maybe, just maybe, a movie with that horrible, screeching nincompoop at the centre of it might be a bad idea? The only cast member who comes out of this mess with any dignity intact is Chloe Moretz, who filmed this just before she went on to fame in Kick-Ass. I think it's safe to say she won't be putting this movie in her show reel, though.

This is an old-fashioned family film, in all the wrong ways. It's far too twee and cloying for adults, and much too cutesy for kids who have been brought up on the harder edges of Pixar or Disney movies. There's never any sense of even slight danger, so that it's impossible for adults or kids to get involved in the film. I wouldn't recommend letting your kids see Kick-Ass, but there are a thousand better movies for them than this.

Critic Reviews



Did You Know?

Trivia

(At around one hour and two minutes) One of the lumberjacks (played by Director Gary J. Tunnicliffe) expresses a wish to be a pet shop owner instead. This is a reference to a famous Monty Python sketch, where the reverse situation is the case.


Quotes

Nervous Lumberjack: I never wanted to be a lumberjack anyway. I always wanted to do something different with my life.
Mayor Lichfield: Well, what did you want to be?
Nervous Lumberjack: I always wanted to be...
Mayor Lichfield: What? What?
Nervous Lumberjack: I always wanted to be...
Mayor Lichfield: Say it, man!
Nervous Lumberjack: A pet store owner.
Mayor Lichfield: What?
Nervous Lumberjack: Yes. Huggable dogs, ...


Goofs

In the pillow-fight scene, the stunt double for Jillian (Chloe Moretz) receives several close-ups where the face is clearly seen to be Asian.


Crazy Credits

At the end of the credits, Dobbytok wakes up to find nobody's there he looks at the gold coins and decides to take over the castle.


Alternate Versions

Screen Media Films released a DVD of Jack and the Beanstalk (2009) with a 1:34:23 (94:23) run time June 22, 2010. Feature Films for Families released a micro-edited DVD version of Jack and the Beanstalk (2009) with a 1:28:44 (88:44) run time, cutting 05:39 from the Screen Media release in 35 edits, two of which deleted dialogue while keeping the images. The following Feature Films for Families edits show times (mm:ss) relative to the Screen Media DVD. At 00:00, 8 seconds of black frames were cut with an echoing voice saying "Fee, fi, fo, fum". At 07:19, 23 seconds were cut where the headmaster says "I'm thinking of changing your major to something else -- starts with a V, anyone? Village idiot!" At 09:11, the last 6 seconds in the 17 second scene of children filing out of the classroom were cut. At 15:58, 2 seconds were cut where Jack's mother says "Stupid goody, goody elves." At 26:39, 4 seconds were cut of Grayson the goose contemplating pulling underwear off a clothesline before he pulls pants off instead. At 26:46, 2 seconds were cut where Grayson pulls the underwear off the clothesline. At 27:13, after Grayson wakes Jack causing him to scream which causes Grayson to scream the first time, 6 seconds were cut of them catching their breaths and screaming a second time. At 27:25, after Jack exclaims "You can talk?", Grayson's 15 second response was cut, including a chorus of "Won't You Come Home Bill Bailey?" At 27:51, after Jack tells Grayson that his "things" are thumbs, 5 seconds are cut of Grayson clicking the flashlight on and off in Jack's eyes. At 32:20, 13 seconds were cut where Jack extols Grayson to continue climbing by using his thumbs. At 33:24, 30 seconds were cut where Grayson obsesses about the hardships and a passing goose drops poop on his head. At 34:21, 3 seconds were cut of Grayson saying his thumbs may be stupid. At 35:08, 3 seconds were cut where Grayson says "crud". At 38:06, 11 seconds were cut of Grayson obsessing about destiny. At 40:57, 24 seconds were cut of Grayson coming back to say "Destiny" to Verri Saddius to cause him to cry. At 42:39, 1 second was cut where Officer Where calls Officer What stupid. At 45:28, 0 seconds were cut where Grayson's saying "Oh, crud" was excised from the soundtrack. At 45:36, 18 seconds were cut where Grayson obsesses about having a party. At 46:51, 11 seconds were cut where the white pillow-fighter gives a black pillow-fighter a wedgie. At 48:10, 6 seconds were cut where the white pillow-fighter twists a black pillow-fighter's nipples and Jack comments and grimaces. At 49:02, 12 seconds were cut of Grayson saying "Daddy, you've come home" to Jack, who is covered with feathers from the pillow fight. At 51:05, 34 seconds were cut of Jillian's breathless recitation to Grayson's questioning what she can do for them. At 51:42, a net 33 seconds were cut by replacing Grayson's Peanut Butter & Jelly musical number with Jack saying "Whoa!" (51:35 - 51:37). At 52:39, 0 seconds were cut where Grayson's saying "crud" was excised from the soundtrack. At 55:11, 8 seconds were cut of Grayson's explanation of Opposite Day to Jack and Jillian calling it stupid. At 56:02, 2 seconds were cut of Grayson saying "Oh, crud". At 56:46, 1 second was cut of Jillian saying "... or trick the idiot day". At 57:51, 4 seconds were cut of Grayson saying "... and make everyone puke". At 60:28, 1 second was cut of Grayson saying "crud". At 67:39, 1 second was cut of Jack calling The Giant "dog breath". At 71:47, 10 seconds were cut of Jillian trying to tell Jack why she betrayed him and his telling her to shut up. At 80:40, 14 seconds were cut of Jack seeing Jillian putting coins in a bag, her saying "Even heroes have to eat" and "It's that whole take from the rich and give to the poor thing", and Jack saying Okay. At 82:35, 12 seconds were cut of Grayson crediting his thumbs for tying The Giant's shoelaces and Jillian telling Grayson to take her hand. From 82:48 to 82:53, 0 seconds were cut but the frames were flipped left-for-right. At 84:36, 2 seconds were cut of Jack's mother telling the mayor "Hey, mister, off the bedonkadonk." At 93:59, in Dobbytok's 63 second post end credits scene, 20 seconds were cut where, with a wicked laugh, he scoops up coins from the table and says "Boy(?). Fee, Fo, Fi, Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be ye live or be ye dead, I'll crush your bones to make my bread."

Storyline

Plot Summary


Genres

Adventure | Comedy | Family | Fantasy

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