Tom Willoman
Rebecca Seabrook (as Eva Longoria Parker)
Harper Billings
Laura Buchwald
Jesse Buchwald
Turner Abernathy
Nurse Gretchen
Decatur Doublewide
Digdug O'Shaughnessy (as Hayes Macarthur)
Frankie Fowler
Maurice
Colette Bamboo
Old Curt
Olympia Parpadelle
Robber (as Tim Dowling)
Smooth Bob Willoman
Mr. Conroy
Melody
Carlotta (as Ryan Newman)
Bartlett
A.J.
Adelle (as Dannika Northcott)
Helado (as Alejandro Patino)
Nickleby
Otis
Zippy
Dickers
Mernay
Rinaldo
Sarah
Young Tom
Walter
Prep School Kid
Basil
Homecoming King
Coital Danger Narrator (voice)
Miguel (uncredited)
Alejandro (uncredited)
Asbestos Kid (uncredited)
Coco (uncredited)
Flunky (uncredited)
Lunch Lady (uncredited)
Grandfather Abernathy's Friend (uncredited)
Child Secretary (uncredited)
Teacher (uncredited)
Flunky 2 (uncredited)
Sling Shot Kid (uncredited)
Sheila (uncredited)
Marcos (uncredited)
Music Teacher (uncredited)
Singing Teacher (uncredited)
Smelly Alice (uncredited)
Tennesse Student Servant (uncredited)
Curse Man (uncredited)