Stan Helsing: [looks up Mia's undies] I think now it would be a great time for a reverse POV.
Fweddy: Can you say "bitch slap"?
Stan Helsing: [picking up a ringing phone] Schlockbuster. Happy Halloween.
Stan Helsing: Yeah yeah yeah, we carry porn.
Stan Helsing: What do I recommend? Well... "Schindler's Fist", "How Stella Got Her Tube Packed", "Six Degrees of Penatration". This is a good one. "Glad He Ate Her".
Stan Helsing: Yeah, yeah, okay. You're welcome, Grandma.
Stan Helsing: [confronted by a giant cockroach in a restroom stall] Oh, cock... roach. Sorry, dude! I thought this was available, but it's okay. I don't actually need it, 'cause I just pissed myself. You look tense. Uh... you need a magazine? Toilet paper? Here, I'll get you a magazine.
[the giant cockroach grabs Stan]
Stan Helsing: Ah, I see you're a fan of the Kobe Bryant position.
Stan Helsing: This van just went from an automatic to a stick shift, Teddy got a boner.
Mia: Okay, you guys, be totally honest. Does my vagina make me look fat?
Mia: Sounds like Sammy Boy finally got his raw meat.
Nadine: [the foursome are cooing over a puppy] He kind of looks like that dog we hit on the road.
Crazy: You mean Sammy boy? That's Sammy boy's son, this is Sammy boy.
[Camera cuts to a fierce looking Rottweiler with bolts in it's neck reminiscent of Boris Karloff's version of Frankenstein's monster]
Stan Helsing: Hi Sammy boy. Looking good. Nice job. You can barely notice.
Crazy: He hasn't been the same since you him with your car. He can't eat, now he's starving!
Teddy: Have yo tried Ensure? There these little milkshakles we gave to my grandfather one time when he couldn't poop. It was awlful.
Crazy: Sammy needs meat!
Stan Helsing: There was a Sizzler that we just passed on the way over here.
Crazy: [creepily] Raw meat.
Stan Helsing: You don't have to cook it.
Needlehead: His scent leads to this store. But remember, I get the first taste of his raw flesh.
Stan Helsing: That doll mimed a blowjob and started smacking his ass. That's so weird.
Nadine: No no no no. That's not weird at all. It's you know, it's a MILF driving a car with a doll that's miming a blowjob and spanking his ass. Yeah yeah.
Teddy: Sound perfectly normal.
Mia: My brother said I used to give his GI Joe doll a boner.
Nadine: Okay, you probably want to keep that to yourself.
Fweddy: It's a boy!