User Reviews (91)

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  • mxidiroglou11 October 2009
    I think these guys don't even try anymore to make not a funny one, but even watchable movie anymore....

    There is no need of spoilers or taking even a deeper look at this ''movie''. There is no plot not script no acting, nothing really present that this would qualify this as an actual movie.

    When i sat down to see this movie i knew about what i was going to see. A cheap laugh. But as i realized i noticed that a actually barely smiled during the movie. I spend most of my time looking at my watch wandering when the movie is going to end. Anyway...

    One hint to the producers...

    STOP MAKING THIS TRASH ANYMORE. I am not an American, but i would personally be very offended if this kind of movies are supposed to reflect the cultural level of young American people.
  • You can easily compare this to the greats like Date Movie and Disaster Movie and everything by Aaron Seltzer! Bo Zenga is another addition to the "well it sounded good when we threw it around the idea table" club. Of course how can you expect much when one of his last pictures was the comedic gem Soul Plane. If your one of those people who hate that someone close to you drinks too much get back at them by playing the drinking game to this movie. It's simple the rules are you drink every time something funny actually happens in the film. This film is guaranteed to leave you sober. However i can't guarantee you both won't drink yourself silly to try and forget the movie you just watched.

    Bottom Line folks, i wasted an hour and a half of my life so you won't have to.
  • This is not a movie that you will find ANY enjoyment in and the lack of humor in a spoof shows that the director/producers/actors were just phoning it in to collect a paycheck. Personally, I was embarrassed for Keenan Thompson and Steve Howey. To take this job without reading the script was definitely a wrong move. And to honestly try to incorporate spoofs of horror movies that others have done better is a real crime. If you see this of your own desire, you can't blame anyone when you want to poke your eyes out afterward. If you want to see funny horror, try anything else but this. In fact, try the movies that this one tries to lampoon. But please, don't waste your time or energy on this. Be forewarned - see at your own peril!
  • I'm going to say I like it. Don"t get me wrong its a bad movie but it doesn't mean its not enjoyable. Its not to much like Meet the Spartans or date movie were they parody scenes from the movie they parody and make them stupid. They did do that with the monsters by making them look like morons and give them really dumb names but beside that they do have some funny scenes and dialog. And they do try to make the a bit like the people they are base off of. Like when they use their weakness is like what fans made fun of the real people they copied. To defeat Freddy get rid of his glove. Pinhead push the nails in. The mask think with Jason and Myers is not their weakness but it showed how similar they are and that Jason was a ripoff of Myers. Leatherface wait till his chainsaw runs out of gas. And Chucky he is a doll. If you missed that then you have no business making fun of this movie. And the other main characters I thought was a good casting choice and they were really funny. Finally they didn't a a truck load of over the top reality breaking jokes. They have those but its more down played. I'm just saying rethink this one.
  • Donatien324 August 2011
    Anyone who's followed the '(insert genre being parodied) Movie' series will know that the series has steadily gone downhill since the quite good 'Scary Movie'. While 'Stan Helsing' may have avoided the 'Movie' title, it's just as bad as the worst of the preceding films.

    The barely-there plot involves four friends, Stan Helsing (Steve Howey), Nadine (Diora Baird), Teddy (Kenan Thompson) and Mia (Desi Lydic). On the way to a Halloween party, they are stranded in an isolated town and eventually forced to fight 'parodies' of six famous movie monsters Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Chucky, Pinhead and Mike Myers.

    The problem with SH is it's just not funny. While meant to be a parody of monster movies, the six monsters aren't given enough screen time to justify the parody. The main characters are lazy stereotypes: Stan is a commitment-phobic slacker who refuses to believe his destiny as Van Helsing, Nadine is the bitchy ex-girlfriend (unfortunatley for Baird, her performance is overshadowed by her breasts, which are on disply throughout the film), Mia is the ridiciously stupid and incredibly slutty blonde (though, to Lydic's credit, she at least goes about with a smile on her face). Finally, Teddy is the typical jive-talking token black guy even though Thompson is quite funny and could be even better with a half-decent script. The biggest indignity falls to comedy legend Leslie Nielsen, who spends the entire film in drag.

    Like previous films, it reverts to gross-out humour and lots of sexual references for laughs and it comes off as desperate.

    Even if, like me, you see these films as a guilty pleasure despite their poor quality, 'Stan Helsing' is still disappointing.
  • Okay, it is quite horrible. Yet, despite the overall harsh criticisms found on here, it is nothing at all near being one of the worst movies I have ever seen - in my lifetime, this year, or even this month. Bad? Yes indeedy! But God Awful? Not quite(though perhaps closer than I am letting on to). Steve Howey plays Stan Helsing who works at a video store. Halloween night is here and Stan meets up with two incredibly hot girls and his buddy Kenan Thompson(you figure out which one is unlikely to be in that quartet in reality). Thankfully Kenan is there, because he has a few of the few laughs that are in this film(the others belonging to octogenarian and living legend Leslie Nielsen dressed as a hideous barmaid). It seems Stan is destined to live up to his ancestry and slay monsters - what monsters you may ask? Well, ridiculously and inept looking ones NOT from classic horror but from modern "classics"(I shudder even putting THAT in parentheses!) We get Pleatherface with a leaf blower and a line when he no longer has it, "It looks like no one will get blown tonight." Stop your sides from aching now with laughter. We get Chucky looking like a guy with painted x's and o's on his face. A Pinhead double from Hellraiser. Anf let's no forget the Michael Myers, Jason, and Fweddy doubles as well. All of these look so stupid and like someone from a fifth grade art class got to work on their wardrobe and costumes. There are other horror references and a story that defies logic - and explanation here for lack of need. Really, Stan Helsing is like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Date Movie. It has a few laughs but not enough to even keep this lame crap afloat long at all. The humor is mostly adolescent and sophomoric with at least four references to bathrooms and all that great humor that comes from noises and the other fertile comedic ground that is inherent in feces and urine. Does the movie have any saving graces? Well, Kenan Thompson and good ole Leslie Nielsen are good some of the time. There are a few jokes that land roughly but in place. Then there are the female cast members who for the most part are very, very pleasant to look at like the three gals playing vampire strippers and Diora Baird and Desi Lydic as the two female leads. Neither can really act though Lydic has comedic potential. Baird has some fine assets to keep abreast of nonetheless. If you are looking for clever or witty humor, you must look elsewhere. If you have an IQ near that of a quasi-literate teen - you might think it is totally rad or some such feeling. Phewwww!
  • Warning: Spoilers
    I love movies so much that once I start I am compelled to finish watching - no matter how horrible. This was one of those times I wish I could have broken the habit. How awful a movie. I can't understand why any of the main actors Keenan Thompson (who has made a living in this genre) , Steve Howey (loved him in Reba) and Diora Baird - all well established - would be involved in such a crappy movie. The only redeeming part were the scenes involving Desi Lydic's "Mia". She played the airhead, dumb blond very well. Clearly this was one of those "Hollywood, please do it for me , you owe me" - type movies. I was not mad at Leslie Nielsen, after all this is what he does - and it was little more than a cameo. Clearly, he lent his name for marquee appeal.

    Watch the opening scene and you will have seen all you need to see.

    Not funny at all. Barely a chuckle. Bad script. Bad acting. Bad sets. Bad design. Bad costumes. Bad concept.
  • antonedbone18 January 2010
    Wow, just got done watching this "parody" and it was so bad I feel like throwing up...not kidding! At first it grabs you, thinking it might be a funny spoof, like Scary Movie and the like, but if you can tolerate this thing till the end, you will see it is nothing of the sort. The acting is terrible. There is nothing funny at all, it just drags on and on and you'll find yourself begging for the end. Not even to see how it ends, just because of the sweet release of watching. I could never sit through this movie again. I can't express how bad it is, possibly the worst movie of all time. The 2 main female characters are pretty hot, and that's the ONLY good thing about the movie. I NEVER put posts on this website, but had to with this one, just because it is so bad. Avoid at all costs.
  • Its rare that I actually despise a movie as much as this one. Now before you say I am coming down too hard on this movie...if you don't believe me just watch it. The movie starts out 'ok' like a decent rip off of Scary Movie; however, it quickly descends into a downward whirlpool of bad acting, poor direction and a plot that makes little sense.

    Basically this movie is a spoof on horror movies. There were a few parts where I laughed- near the beginning, but after that it seems as though the film budget ran out of money or something because after the halfway point it completely looses direction. I kept expecting a story to develop or some kind of back history on 'Van Helsing' to appear. It didn't. The characters are poorly written...and even with the comedic assistance of Leslie Neilson it still flops hardcore.

    Leslie Neilson must be really hard up for acting spots to have taken a spot in this stinker. My recommendation is that you don't watch this fact don't even rent it. Its really that bad.
  • wilbert198711 October 2009
    Warning: Spoilers
    from start to finish this was about the worst thing i had ever seen. another spin off from the scary movie genre. i now scary movie wasn't that bad and it did bite the biscuit in places but this just eats the whole biscuit tin. i mean the only funny thing to me was (spoiler- the scene where chucky the doll was scene pretending to give head to a kid in a car seat, then giving a moony). the whole costumes , masks, and make up were pretty much bought from a Halloween shop. obviously no expense spared. it really dragged as well in places. leslie nielsen was a nice surprise but even he couldn't make this film any better. i can definitely see why this was a straight to DVD. feel sorry for anyone who would of put money into this.
  • Pumpkin_Man7 November 2009
    Warning: Spoilers
    I thought this movie was incredibly hilarious! It's so stupid & dumb, that it's funny! I loved that it took place on HALLOWEEN night, and made fun of some of my favorite killers such as Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger. A dorky guy named Stan Helsing works at a video store, and on the way to a HALLOWEEN party with his friends, they get lost on the back roads and meet some really creepy characters. Stan finds out from a homosexual priest that he is the heir to the famous monster hunter, Abraham Van Helsing. Soon, Stan and his friends compete against the monsters in a Karaoke battle. Who will win the battle against good vs. evil? I highly recommend STAN HELSING!!!
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Well, after reading all of these reviews that said this movie sucked and what not, i figured that I'll still give it a shot. I didn't expect all that much out of such a lowly rated film. But, honestly it was not all that bad! I thought the humor in there was pretty funny. At some parts I was kind of like "WTF?" but still they made me laugh. It was funny how they always called him "Van Helsing" and he would say " why does everyone call me that!" . Pinhead with the dartboard head was pretty funny. And I liked how Michael Myerss' characters mask changed, the leatherface spoof was pretty comical with the leaf blower.etc...

    Point being, this wasn't supposed to be a big award winning film, and I do believe that the makers of the film knew it as well. It's just supposed to be a fun movie that you watch with a bunch of friends and laugh at. Don't be so hard on it, if you really took the time and understood the humor and just sat back, relaxed, and enjoyed it, then it wouldn't be half as bad. :)
  • blaforet15 August 2011
    First off, I want to thank the writers and directors of this movie. Because of you, I want to become a screenwriter, because I know that no matter how terrible an idea I have for a movie, some idiot will fund it.

    I went into this movie knowing next to nothing about it. My secret vise is awesomely bad movies, and I didn't want bad reviews to dissuade me from watching it, because I know awesomely bad movies are not for everyone. My God, if only I had read the reviews.

    This movie was terrible. There was no plot, horrible acting, and the jokes were groan-worthy. Stan is a video clerk in the first 10 minutes of the movie, but that plot line drops as dead as the actors' careers, and turns into random wth moments. The other hour and twenty minutes are spent running away from a host of horror ripoffs and a franken puppy. Yeah, that's about it.

    Thank God I didn't spend any money on it, it was on Encore. Don't watch this garbage. You'll regret it.
  • Nothing like Scary Movie at all. As spoofs go this movie doesn't do anything to make you laugh. And isn't that the point of a movie like this. There was a real potential in making this a fun movie. But somehow I guess that the director and producers couldn't be bothered. I can't blame the cast since they obviously try their best to make this work. But you can see the desperation in the main character's eyes when he has to do another pointless dialog. Shutting your mind of isn't an option either since there is no slapstick comedy to be enjoyed. Well there are some redeeming elements or maybe even the only reason to watch this. The two girls. One with very nice boobs (Diora Baird) and the other one extremely hot blonde (Desi Lydic). Sadly this just isn't enough to be tortured through the whole movie. (My advice skip to the sexy scenes with the girls and forget about everything else). Ignore previous comment and don't waste your time. Avoid this movie!
  • Meh...

    This film was okay. I watched it in two installments due to some time constraints and what I wound was that I neither felt wonderfully compelled to finish it, but I wanted to take the opportunity.

    It was pretty funny, not side splitting but not terrible. I'm glad I didn't spend much on it.

    If you've got a couple hours to kill and don't mind losing a few IQ points, save your money on the beer and watch this movie. The acting was campy, the plot: mostly pointless, and the ending: dumb. But the ride though was good enough to be enjoyable. In the end, just a good bit of mindless fun.
  • Despite some of the other reviews, this film wasn't so bad. Of course it isn't a master piece, but that is never what it set out to be. I don't rate direction, camera angles, and soundtrack. I'm a normal guy who rates a film, Good or Bad.

    This film was watchable, not extremely funny, but then again, not extremely terrible.

    The jokes are laddish and sometimes silly, but that doesn't make it bad.

    If you watch this movie and are just 'going along for the ride' and not going out to criticise, then you will take some enjoyment from this movie.

    The plot.....isn't really there....but then again, that isn't the point of the film, it's to make you laugh, which it does in some areas.

    Disengage the brain and enjoy. It's worth a watch if you like films like Scary Movie (although, in my view, it isn't as good as the Scary Movie films)
  • There are some comedies that just try too hard, and Stan Helsing falls into this category. Written and directed by Bo Zenga who has more producing credits and making his directorial debut, Stan Helsing stars a cast of relative unknowns hobbled together to forcefully create laugh-a-minute sequences that don't always hit their marks, but instead fall quite short in not being silly for silliness sake.

    One thing's for sure though, is that Zenga dug deep to throw plenty of movie references from the horror genre into his comedy, especially when the villains turn out to be cheap knockoffs of their real cult counterparts, with Fweddy (Freddy from A Nightmare from Elm Street), Mason (Jason from Friday the 13th), Needlehead (Pinhead from Hellraiser), Pleatherface (Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Lucky (Chucky from Child's Play) and Michael Crier (Michael Myers from Halloween), and not including minor ones such as the Hitcher, and a giant cockroach. But ultimately there's nothing here to make this film anywhere near being horrific, except that the end product is quite horrific in itself.

    On the other corner of the ring of good, we follow the adventures of a foursome consisting of the slacker Schlockbuster video clerk Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) whom everyone mistakes from Van Helsing the monster exterminator, who has been tasked to drop off some videos en route to his Halloween party with hottie ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird), his best friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson) and an exotic dancer cum massage therapist (interpret this as you will!) Mia (Desi Lydic), on a road trip filled with last minute detours leading from point to point and incident filled. The entire journey unravels with inexplicable coincidences relying on cliché after cliché to bring on some cheap laughs, which when proved inadequate there's always the odd toilet joke to stink bomb everything.

    Dialogue is full of sexual double meanings, with Mia being the group idiot to fall for, or become the butt of the jokes. Nothing in the narrative ever makes much good sense other than to react or create a hilarious situation for our foursome to get into, and filmmakers perhaps need to stop and take stock of the comedy genre now that spoofing pop culture, or pop icons, are no longer a quick and easy way to surprise and satisfy an audience, and not when the impersonations was far from their mark.

    Don't get me wrong that I've lost my funny bone, but this relatively cheap production didn't have much to laugh at. What's more painful is that it starred the late Leslie Nielsen in drag and makeup as a bar waitress, and seemed more like a desperate role meant for paying the bills. Filled with jokes with some being naughty while others nonsensical and silly, probably the scenes set within the video store bookending the film with patrons providing sight gags and trash talking became the main highlights.
  • People have no clue what comedy is. This movie was never made to be a great blockbuster movie. Understand what you're watching before you watch it
  • ryanmdick9 November 2019
    While the reviews on here says it sucks, I actually thought it was pretty ok. I would at least give it a shot before taking these ' advice and skipping over. I do feel like the whole Scoobie Doo schtick was a bit overplayed though. And I still wish they had more on the vampire strippers lol.
  • This is a good example of what happens when decent comic actors accept parts in a terrible movie vehicle. They probably need the work, so they do their best even if they can't hide that the movie stinks. For one, Kenan Thompson has a real comic flare, I only hope he gets better films to feature it in. And the other three leads showed comic potential too. I admit there were some genuinely funny moments that made me laugh, like the Karaoke scenes and some of the lines by the blond character (Desi Lydic). Unfortunately what comes between these few funny scenes, and makes up the majority of the film, was terrible. The over all film almost made me forget any of it had made me laugh. The bathroom humor, for instance, was just plain stupid.

    And Leslie Neilson, what were you thinking doing this bomb? Hard to believe the same man who starred in classics like 'Forbidden Planet' has resorted to this for a pay check. He was funny in other comedy films, but why do this? My advice is to skip this one.
  • This movie isn't an Oscar movie and it wasn't trying to be. This was a pure parody of horror flicks, not all the jokes are hilarious but most of them are.

    If you go into this movie expecting to be blown away, then you will be disappointed but if you go in expecting to laugh at ridiculous situations and plot lines then you will delighted.

    I loved it because it obviously never took itself seriously and all the main actors were committed to their ridiculous characters.

    This movie is not as bad as Scary movie 3 or Dance flick but it's not as good as Scary movie 1. It's to be taken in it's own context and not scrutinized with the standard of those movies.

    This movie is STUPID but funny. So see it.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    There are some truly awful films out there and sadly many of them have come out in the last couple of years. Meet The Spartans, American Carol and Paul Blart Mall Cop are just a few that come to mind.

    And then this one comes along. This is supposed to be a parody of all the famous horror killers of the last 40 years. I'm still waiting for the spoof to start. Since when was there ever a plot with some kids returning a video tape to a town filled with skeletons, in any horror film of the last 40 years. And furthermore, didn't Scream and Scary Movie both do the parody thing? Stan Helsing has one thing and one thing only going for it and that is it has two insanely hot women in it. Other than that there is nothing redeeming about the film at all. When they begin singing karaoke for the second time, I took the disc out and threw it in the garbage.

    0/10....a truly awful film.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    As of late, the parody movies genre is pretty bad. With film franchises like the Scary Movie, and National Lampoons, the parody movie has been getting dumber and dumber. Makes you miss for the days of Naked Gun, Mel Brooks, and Monty Python, all pretty dumb movies, but at less had some smart humor. Even with rock-bottom expectations, I was disappointed by this film. Stan Helsing barely had anything laughable. The film is about video store clerk Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) whom with his friends must make a routine video delivery on Halloween night. Steve Howey doesn't really stand out in this role. I mistake him for Josh Duhamel for the longest time. His friends are some of the most annoying, dumb, stereotype characters, I have ever saw. There is the comic relief sidekick, Teddy (Kenan Thompson) who plays one of the blandest side character guy ever. You would thought for a guy that use to be in ALL That and Saturday Night Live skits, that they would use him as a character actor in this movie, but no. There were a lot of background or side characters that could had use his odd sense of humor. Then there is the love- interest, ex-girlfriend Nadine (Dioare Baird) who really doesn't do much, but act sexy. Then last is the dumb blonde slutty girl, Mia (Desi Lydrics) who changes costumes several time throughout the movie. Instead of a normal drive, Stan and the gang find themselves in Stormy Night Estates facing a group of form of parodies of movie monster icons. It's not even the monster monsters that the normal Van Helsing would had face anyways such as Frankenstein or Dracula. The film has nothing to do with Van Helsing at all. The movie itself, isn't much of a parody of anything. It had barley any plot-line. Even the movie return plot-line kinda drop off the face off the world, half way in. Throughout the film we are not sure what the film is parodying. It even parody things outside of Halloween themes. It's just tries too hard to fill in as much dumb pop culture 1980's and 1990's slasher films parodies targets. You know, for a movie made in the late 2000's, you would think this movie would have some more modern pop culture humor. Well, the others were pretty dumb like dark jokes like killing women and dogs, overt sexual jokes that goes flat, frat boy toilet humor that was a bit mean-spirited. It usually made at the expense of the female characters. The group keep doing stupid things that become very irritating than funny. Even the pun writing is pretty bad. The knockoffs of famous franchise horror villains are named Lucky, Mason, Michael Criers, Pleatherface, Fweddy and Needlehead. Seriously, was this the best, the writer/directed Bo Zenda could come up with? It's weird in a way that Stan Helsing is Rated R, but there's nothing in this film that would earn it anything above a PG-13. There isn't that much gore. The language was that harsh. Most of the nudity, was left on the cutting room floor. Those extended sequences are included in the bonus features if you want to see them. I have a pretty high tolerance for intentionally stupid comedies, and have more fondness for potty humor than most other people would probably admit to. But even by those standards, this movie is dull, boring, and worst of all, unfunny. The only things going for this self-proclaimed horror film parody are decent production values and attractive actresses. Not even, parody king Leslie Nielsen can save this movie with his mediocre small cameo as a cross-dresser waitress. I think if they had some better talented actors, and a witty storyline, maybe this film could had work. 2011's Cabin in the Woods was a pretty good satire simply because it was made by people who knew the genre and lovingly made fun of its flaws. This was made to capitalize on way more popular horror movies that, the writers barely knew anything about. For 90 minutes, this movie gave a sad attempt of parody that is better used for internet shorts. There is small smarter Halloween type parodies on Youtube better than this film that people have produce with less money. It just prove that these movies are more cash-in shlocks than real movies. If you really feel the need to watch this flick, rent it. I warn you.
  • I first heard about this one at the FanExpo in Toronto where I picked up the awesome looking poster. AFter watching the trailer I was a tad bit disappointed but was still aching to see it. Now I'm aching that I did.

    Quite possibly one of the biggest wastes of time ever. Just so everyone gets the picture, the humour in this and the overall quality is on par with the disastrous collection from Seltzer and Friedberg (Epic, date Movie etc.) There are so many problems with this film that it borders on insanity. There is virtually NO plot, structure or pacing and we never get any explanation of whats going on or why. Even all the villain spoofs (which is what the point of the movie is supposed to be) are so paper thin and mind-bogglingly-stupid. Why is Freddy supposed to be all gangsta? or why is Mike Myers Jewish? The villains get minimal screen time and their all just kind of there...for no particular reason.

    The film is full of toilet humour and gross out/sex gags (as i said, Friedberg/Seltzer) and while I did chuckle once or twice, I wouldn't say it was funny.

    While watching I was hoping that there would be some wicked fight at the end to redeem it to some degree. But the ending is just as disappointingly awful as the rest of the film.

    The idea of a great descendant of Van Helsing fighting off all of the big time movie monsters of contemporary film is actually a great idea and It could have worked as a zany spoof or a Jack Brooks style over the top horror-comedy, but it is so poorly executed that it defies logic. It doesn't work as a comedy. It doesn't' work as a horror. But most importantly, it doesn't work as a MOVIE. There is no film here. Only a pathetic half arsed attempt at one.

    Don't watch it ever, in fact try and forget it exists, it will make the world a far better place
  • Okay, I thought "Disaster Movie" and "Superhero Movie" were terrible. However, they did have several mild laughable moments throughout that somehow made it manageable to watch on TV.

    This movie has no laughs. I think I smirked twice, and that was about it. It's a really disappointing movie. I didn't expect much of a plot or character development, I expected dumb, usually lacking laughs akin to those you would find in Scary Movie 3-4.

    This movie honestly had none of it. I can't believe anyone could mock horror's greatest legends so poorly.

    Honestly, please watch something better. Try "Airplane!" or its sequel, "Scary Movie" 1 and 2 -- anything but this.
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