Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010)
Zachary Gordon: Greg Heffley
Photos
Quotes
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Rowley Jefferson : My mom said to just be myself, and everyone would like me.
Greg Heffley : That would be good advice if you were somebody else.
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Greg Heffley : Like today, l heard someone in the hallway say that Bryce Anderson has a cute butt. What does that even mean?
Rowley Jefferson : A butt can't be cute, it's a butt!
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[Rowley is walking with his backpack on. Greg stops him]
Greg Heffley : Stop. You look like one of the seven dwarves. Always wear one strap. One strap is cool.
Rowley Jefferson : Then why do they put two straps instead of one?
Greg Heffley : [walking] Because the people who make backpacks aren't cool.
Greg Heffley : [stops walking] You know what has one strap? Machine guns. You know what else? Electric guitars.
Greg Heffley : [continues walking] You know what else?
Rowley Jefferson : Purses?
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Patty Ferrell : [grunts] Come on! What you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
Greg Heffley : She's a girl! Where do I grab her?
[Patty grunts and tackles Greg.]
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Greg Heffley : Trust me, you can't recover from social suicide.
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Angie Steadman : [laughing] You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol. Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
Greg Heffley : What?
Angie Steadman : Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low.
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Greg Heffley : Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from one to two hundred, where would you put yourself?
Rowley Jefferson : Is two hundred good or bad?
Greg Heffley : I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
Rowley Jefferson : Who's at the bottom?
Fregley : Hey, guys! Wanna see my secret freckle?
Greg Heffley , Rowley Jefferson : [both groan]
Greg Heffley : [narrating] Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
Fregley : Check it out. It's got a hair in it!
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Greg Heffley : We'll hide here for the rest of class because I'm not playing that game! It's not fair. He's got all the neanderthals on the same team. It's barbaric!
Angie Steadman : It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland. But it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
Rowley Jefferson : You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding?
Angie Steadman : Avoiding the pain. It all starts in middle school, you know? You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped. Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on and girls that you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.
Greg Heffley : Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out so go back to your book.
[laughs]
Angie Steadman : This place is a glorified holding pen. It's where adults put you as you make that awkward transition between child and teenager so they don't even have to look at you.
[pauses]
Angie Steadman : Hi. I'm Angie.
Greg Heffley : [Pulls Rowley's hand away] Great Story! We're going to go now.
Rowley Jefferson : Why? This is a good spot.
Angie Steadman : It's a perfect spot. I survived all of the sixth grade here and I would enjoy some like-minded company to get me through the seventh.
Greg Heffley : Is that the whistle? I think I hear the whistle.
[laughs]
Greg Heffley : We need to go!
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Rowley Jefferson : You know what, Greg? You're not a good friend.
Greg Heffley : Whoa, how could you even say that? I'm a great friend!
Rowley Jefferson : If you were a great friend, you would've told Mr. Winsky the truth!
Greg Heffley : Okay, one thing: you can't get mad and not just...
Rowley Jefferson : You only care about yourself. You hated my cartoon, you made fun of my clothes, you disrespected Joshie, you broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry!
Greg Heffley : That broken hand was the best thing that ever happened to you!
Rowley Jefferson : [in disbelief] Don't call me. Don't come by my house. We're done.
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Greg Heffley : [looking at class favorites] The class favorites.
[opening the section]
Greg Heffley : They're the best in their class. These people aren't nobodies. They're famous. They don't have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either. Check this out. There's tons of things I qualify for: "Most Likely to Succeed", "Best Looking", "Class Clown". They should just give that to me right now.
Rowley Jefferson : Don't you have to be funny for that?
[spotting something in the section]
Rowley Jefferson : Hey! We can try for cutest friends!
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Greg Heffley : I need something to make me a class favorite.
Angie Steadman : What about class favorites?
Greg Heffley : Don't you ever say hi or hello before you start talking?
Rowley Jefferson : [waves] Hi!
Angie Steadman : Hello.
Rowley Jefferson : Greg is only here because he wants to get into.
Greg Heffley : [interrupts] Rowley! I was just saying that I would really like to nail these people because it's so obvious they're only doing these activities to get into the yearbook.
Angie Steadman : You know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.
Greg Heffley : Thanks, but I can't be on the paper because I'm going to be in the paper a lot. It would be a conflict of interest.
Angie Steadman : [nods] You're the people. Got it.
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Rowley Jefferson : I like zoo-wee-mama.
Greg Heffley : You know what? If you like it so much then why don't you go do it yourself.
Greg Heffley : Ok, then I will. See ya!
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Greg Heffley : [deleted scene] So now i officially have the cheese touch but you know what it's really pretty cool. Nobody violates my personal space, I have plenty of privacy, And best of all we get our own table at lunch.
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Greg Heffley : [smugly] You're way too smart for me Patty Ferrell...
