The Bleeding (2009) User Reviews (30)

A Convoluted Mess, Not Sure What It Was Going For

[gavin6942 · 4/10 · 18 January 2011]

A man's brother apparently dies in combat in the Middle East. And yet, this same brother is somehow connected to Cain, a vampire clan leader. And there is a legend of a slayer... and some muscle cars...

A film so simple as this should not be so hard to describe, but it is. Someone wanted to write "Blade", but it was already written. They also wanted to write "Fast and the Furious", but that idea was taken. So, what did they do? They meshed them together in one film, threw in some other nonsense, and made a film. It took almost two years to get released, and I am not surprised.

First of all, I cannot stress how much the main character (Michael Matthias) wants to be Vin Diesel. He looks like the Wal-Mart brand of Vin Diesel, Wal-Diesel or something. And how DMX is thrown in as a guy who knows way too much about vampires and somehow knows a slayer when he sees one... not sure why.

Vinnie Jones plays Cain, and it is nice to see him with (presumably fake) hair. But this is not a great role for him and makes his acting look terrible. Michael Madsen is Father Roy, and while I always enjoy seeing Madsen, he does too many genre films with people who cannot bring out his best. Aside from Tarantino's films, what is the last great thing he did? Katherine von Drachenberg (aka Kat Von D) also appears.

The plot holes, time line, and more just do not add up on this to a decent movie. The acting is weak, the directing is decent, though it is clear the emphasis was on the action and not the acting. The director's background is as a stunt man, and I can easily say the stunts here are just fine... the film is, however, a mess... and I do not know who to blame first.

Bad, but not the worst movie ever.

[krachtm · 3/10 · 15 October 2012]

Let's be honest here: how many people looked at this movie, saw that it stars Michael Madsen and a rapper, and thought to themselves, "Well, Michael Madsen is a discerning gentleman who would never lead me astray. I shall endeavor to watch this unknown masterpiece posthaste!" Give me a break. It's a low budget, direct-to-video vampire movie. I don't know what people were expecting. Of course it's a bad movie. But it's clearly not the "worst movie ever made". I'm not sure which movie deserves that honor, but once you've sat through a dozen Troma movies, you can start talking about "worst movie ever". Until then, you don't have the right.

I was having trouble staying awake near the end of the movie, but I did make it. For that, I award three stars. I think it would be great fun to watch The Bleeding with Vin Diesel, if just to hear what Vin says about the cheesy wannabe in this movie.

very mediocre film, but not "the worst movie ever"

[Scrugulus · 4/10 · 9 March 2015]

Let's make one thing clear right at the start: this is not a good film.

There is nothing new or inventive about this film. I do not mind film- makers using old-and-tried tropes IF they use them to make a polished and accomplished B-movie. But in cases like The Bleeding, where mediocrity was all that ever seemed achievable (or worth aiming for) for everyone involved, you need to come up with something new: low budget needs to be outweighed by higher creativity. But there is nothing creative about this script or this film. It has a very average "seen-it-before" plot, and many things in this film I consider well below average (writing, directing, etc.).

However, there are worse films than this, so 1-star-ratings do not seem justified to me. This is probably a 3 out of 10; I gave it one extra star for Michael Madsen's performance, who - unlike Vinnie Jones - actually put in some effort.

Symbolic of everything wrong with action/horror hybrids today

[lovecraft231 · 1/10 · 6 March 2011]

When you look at the cast for "The Bleeding", aside from star Michael Matthias, this looks like a dream cast for people that watch direct to DVD garbage. Vinnie Jones! Rapper DMX! Michael Madsen! Armand Assante! Tony Schiena (here billed as "Johnny the Perv")! UFC host Rachael Leah! Reality star Kat Von D! It looks too good to be true, like the ultimate DVD movie cast. Well, it was actually released exclusively in New York as far as theatrical releases are concerned, so it's almost a straight to DVD movie. It's also bad-and I mean painfully so.

Shawn Black (Matthias, who also serves as a producer-this is essentially a vanity piece for the him) has returned from Afghanistan, with his parents murdered, and his brother dead in battle. Well, it turns out his brother is now a vampire named Cain (Jones), and that he is "the slayer", or a man who must vanquish such evil from the world. Aided by a rather gun happy, unorthodox priest (Madsen), Black must go to an abandoned factory turned nightclub, where Cain and his vampire brethren are hiding.

A pastiche picture mixing "Blade", "From Dusk 'till Dawn", "The Fast and the Furious", "Boondock Saints" as well as other obnoxious Tarantino knock-offs and at one point, a pinch of "Hostel", "The Bleeding" is symbolic of everything wrong with action/horror hybrids today. The editing is all over the place, the action scenes aren't all that exciting, the score is a strictly pro-tools affair, the direction is lacking, and you really don't care about anything that happens. In a lot of ways, this is also reminiscent of a lot of bad direct to DVD action movies, but this one takes it to different levels. The whole thing is lazy, and clearly made to be a breakout vehicle for poor man's Vin Diesel star Matthias. I mean sure, the gore and make-up effects are good, and there's boobs, but it isn't anything you haven't seen already.

To make things worse, nobody here really seems to give a damn. Several of the stars-Assante, DMX and Kat Von D-are merely given tiny roles and cameo appearances, with DMX only being there to provide crucial plot information and get killed off, Von D to get some blood on her after biting a girl's neck, and Assante being a poor man's version of an old western movie standard (he even calls the movie "a futuristic western" in an interview that serves as a special feature.)

The rest of the cast doesn't even seem to be trying for the most part. DMX is clearly just there for the paycheck, while even Matthias and the narration he provides seems to be screaming "get me out of here." Only Madsen and Jones seem to be trying, and even they can't do anything worth a damn due to the script-Jones in particular is given a goofy looking wig and bad American accent. The movie can't even work on an unintentional comedy level. One liners meant to be cleaver are just awkward, and even the site of Vinnie Jones in a bad 70's exploitation hair style can't register.

"The Bleeding" is just bad, and even not on a camp level. It's just painfully bad, and the kind of thing that usually get's dumped to DVD and forgotten and is not given a weekend long theatrical run. Avoid like a vampire shown a crucifix.

Should be sucked dry!

[globalhunter22 · 1/10 · 7 April 2011]

This movie is hysterically bad. Michael Matthias who stars as vampire hunter Shawn Black is downright lifeless. His acting ability throughout the movie is borderline comatose. With his monotone voice and inability to deliver a performance that barely rises above a common high school play. One would think that with all his brawn, he could bring his physicality to good use. Nope! To make matters worse, the head vampire played by Vinnie Jones, has to be one of the dorkiest vampires ever filmed. He makes weird faces toward the camera and is about as scary as a wet noodle. My goodness, even the action scenes are boring! Combine that with terrible special effects, rapper DMX screaming, and a shoddy script. It certainly has plenty of shortcomings. I usually can find something redeemable in most films, but this is pure trash.

My eyes... they burn!

[noobdust · 1/10 · 23 February 2011]

This film was a new and interesting experience for me. I've never before in 33 years of living had the overwhelming urge to rip my eyes out of their sockets while microwaving my head until now, thanks for that. I've tried and tried to think of one positive aspect about this film and the only thing that I keep coming back to is... it ended. The acting was god awful, the plot was gibberish and the effects look like a two year old had been put in charge. Some of the actors in this have been in many good films but I have no idea what they were thinking getting involved with this one. Madsen, Jones and Assante have all had some great roles but every time Vinnie made an appearance in this one I just wanted to laugh. About as scary and intimidating as a bit of tissue stuck to your shoe. Avoid this film as if it was made from anthrax clothed in a 3-piece suit of the plague, on fire, carrying a machine gun that shot bullets made from herpes.

It's best to avoid this turkey....

[OpinionGuy · 1/10 · 13 September 2010]

Another one of these vampire wretchedly unwatchable effort. Poor acting, cheap effects, script prob written on a hankie. The dialog in this movie is just plain dumb and too juvenile. The story was such a mess that I hardly cared about what was going on. This was one of the worst movies I ever attempted to watch. Until now , i knew that there are Movies , low budget movies and B movies. Now i suppose we have to welcome " C movies ". Believe me, you have a lot more fun looking out your window, if you do not have a window, staring at your wall will give you the same excitement. When the history of film making is written, there will have to be a whole book written about the time idiots got their hands on video cameras and decided they could make a movie. If you have not seen this movie yet, then don't. it's best to avoid this turkey you are now warned.

Worst film ever!

[cactus_muffin · 1/10 · 18 February 2011]

I was laughing at how disappointed i was with this film.. Poor acting.. Poor camera man.. Poot effects was just plain feces.. To be honest the only we rented (thank god it was a rental) it was because it had Vinnie Jones in it.. But i'm sorry to say even that was disappointing..

THERE ARE BREASTS IN THIS FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES. . IM STRAIGHT AND FEMALE AND THAT WAS THE ONLY INTERESTING PART!!!

Avoid this film at all costs!! The teeth gave the vampires a lisp! It looked like a really bad scooby doo episode to be honest i kind of wanted the gang to pop up at some point.

All in all it gave me a few giggles but not because it was supposed to be funny. . Because it was that bad, i fell asleep during this at least twice.

Worst Vampire Movie Ever

[bnelly1987 · 1/10 · 17 February 2011]

To start this off let me just say the only reason I registered myself on IMDb was so that I could warn you in advance to not see this movie. I am all for bringing back the blood and guts that use to be what vampires are about but I would sit through Twilight a dozen times before I watched this movie again. Why can't I erase these memories from my brain!?

So how else can I convince you to not watch this movie? Don't even torrent it. That will just waste memory on your computer. If you have ever seen a B-Movie then you still haven't seen acting worse then this. Have any of you seen "Sharktopus"? Give those guys the Oscar because their talents as actors blow the cast of "The Bleeding" out of the water. I would start comparing the cast of "The Bleeding" to some not so reputable adult films but I would rather not lose my membership here so I will just leave it at that.

Hmmmm!

[peter-2395 · 1/10 · 3 October 2010]

Now, I never write reviews or complaint letters to anyone. I'm an observer. However, I can't possibly let this one go without comment.

The short synopsis and cast list I read before watching ticked all the boxes for an enjoyable movie for me, so I sat down eagerly to watch it. How wrong could I have been? It is by far the very worst thing I have ever witnessed on screen as far as I can recall. It has not one single redeeming feature. Not even Vinnie Jones, or Michael Madson. They are hardly Hollywood's greatest actors, I know, but they do have some credibility and have been in some great movies - Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Snatch, Lock Stock..

The concept is fairly sound, if not a little cheesy. The execution, however, is profoundly dismal. The 'story', as it is, is so badly written and portrayed that I actually laughed out loud at the inept stumbling from one scene to another. The acting is some of the very worst to reach the screen and would shame even my five year old god-daughter at her nativity, especially the Vin Diesel wannabe lead character. The direction seems almost absent, as though the film makers just left the actors to it! The script, if there actually was one, is so very, very poorly written and delivered that it may actually make more sense to watch with the sound on mute.

I could go on, and feel the urge to do so. but I'll wrap it up. I spent good, hard-earned money on this movie and feel so very let down. I doubt most film makers could come up with anything as bad as this if they actually tried to make the worst movie ever. There must be some very embarrassed people who agreed to work on this film without knowing how it would finally turn out. Seriously, don't waste your time or money.

i like this movie i wish Michael Matthias does more movies

[nikola17 · 10/10 · 19 August 2013]

the first time i head this movie it reminds me of from dusk till dawn and i know it's low budget b movie i enjoy i think main actor (Michael Matthias)as Shawn Black was awesome great action scenes and i do like vampire movies but no one have head of this movie because it's b movie and it looks old but it is not and i enjoy acting and Villain (Vinnie Jones) as Vampire Cain was good but doesn't do much not many parts of movie and mostly The Main Character was Michael Matthias was many parts of movie mostly you will see him in all movie and (Michael Madsen) Father Roy i don't know what his doing in this movie but he want to join this movie that was fine playing as priest that knows about Cain and Weapons that can kill Cain playing his good performance on character on B Class movie to hunt kill Cain and Cain he died in war Afghanistan and then he find out that Cain was his brother that what makes Shawn slayer he is one that only can kill him and then movie doesn't go that long but film credits goes for over 2 hours more then movie. weird and nice cars, nice girls better then twilight crap and this movie is mixed up between Blade and From Dusk Till Dawn and Mad Max Road Warrior part like Truck chasing with Vampires shooting at truck later on you have a showdown on end witch is good and Hostel rip off parts but this movie is better then hostel including it's bit like The Fast and the Furious meets John Carpenter's Vampires and Shawn was saving

girls i like that part then he kicks ass with Vampires and to me Michael Matthias looks like Vin Diesel to he does but he's not becoming next Vin diesel type of guy and i like another guy DMX he he was rapper i was fan of him i thought he was going to be in all movie but he act pretty good only in i thought i love Kung flu part and you have Armand Assante from Judge Dredd i was fan of that movie then after he was OK in movie and i like girls UFC host (Rachael Leah) was pretty and good acting.i wish if Michael Matthias does more movies he could be more in movies if Michael Matthias DO MORE MOVIES i really did like that actor but he hasn't return to do more movies ? i like this movie but i say it on good way and best way better then twilight another thing is i had little problems in movie a little problem with this movie because the scene with DMX when he was talking about Vampires with sliver bullets ? i am like what ? this is wrong as hell i mean i know it's wrong i am NOT going to hate movie because of over for part is wrong sometimes in movies can make staff like this movie. but i love this movie this is like my personal favorite movie this is a FUN movie to enjoy give it a shot one day.

A vampire slayer movie that is either made as serious or campy on purpose. If serious its terrible, if campy its great. I say B

[cosmo_tiger · 6/10 · 28 February 2011]

After finding out his brother has killed his parents Shawn (Matthias) he sets out on a quest for revenge. After finding his parents dead, Shawn finds out that his brother (Jones) has become a vampire. Shawn is the only one that can kill him, and the hunt begins. This is a hard movie to review, only for the fact that I'm not sure what this movie was. If it was meant to be a serious film then it was terrible. If it was meant to be a type of satire and over-the-top on purpose then it was great. I'm gonna assume the later because I can't believe this was supposed to be serious (Michael Madsen plays a heavily cursing priest). It was funny and entertaining and not a bad way to spend an hour and a half. The dialog is campy and the acting is pretty bad, but if you look at it as a cheesy on purpose movie it's good. I give it a B.

Would I watch again? - I may, again with friends and beer.

The Boring

[ApocryphalBob · 1/10 · 9 October 2010]

Stupefyingly dull, atrociously scripted, risible effects, less action, humour, excitement than an average episode of the A Team. A real actor (Armand Assante) does a charity visit for about 3 minutes and is never seen again. Another real actor appears (Michael Madsen) and simply makes you spend the rest of the movie thinking to yourself 'Why Michael? Why?'

The dialogue is just one pathetic and banal cliché after another. The voice over narration just highlights the terrible dialogue and the wooden delivery from the movies lead actor who I won't even name in the hope he never makes another movie, unless it's possibly as a stunt double for Vin Diesel. I will not even donate my DVD copy to a charity shop, I would feel so bad about palming it off on someone else.

No redeeming features at all.

This movie annoyed me so much I signed up for IMDb just to come here and disparage it.

Ummm... yeah

[cmhahn1123 · 1/10 · 25 May 2012]

I will start this by saying I like Vinnie Jones. I also like Armand Assante. But I cannot for the life of me find one shred of anything to like in this movie. If I can call it that. It tries really hard to be Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino a la Planet Terror/Death Race, but fails. Like "F in Art" fails. The only movie (series) I kept thinking of the entire time through was the series Mental Maniacs. For anyone who has suffered through that waste of film, you will know what I'm talking about. And I have to say, I have yet refer to any movie in that capacity. That is how bad this film is. Please save yourself the brain cells, life-minutes and skip this movie. Oh, and for the person who referred to the lead as a Wal-Mart Vin Diesel, you are so dead on.

Terrible

[bod33 · 1/10 · 17 September 2010]

This is one of the worst films i have ever seen.

I put this on with an open mind and while i new it was never going to be a masterpiece i was totally unprepared for just how bad this movie is. Micheal Madsen and Armand Assante are not A list stars,but they must be completely broke to have agreed to star in this pile of utter garbage. I am still in shock at how bad this movie is.

In summary.

Bad acting, bad story, bad effects just plain bad in every aspect. Usually B movies have some sort of redeeming features and can kill some time if you are bored. Not this movie so avoid at all costs.

This is the sort of trash...

[MrGKB · 1/10 · 29 August 2012]

...that makes me seriously question my local library's video acquisition policies. Irredeemably bad in virtually every respect, I hesitate to mention any names involved whatsoever, for fear of possible loss of my immortal soul. All of them should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Let's just say that stuntmen should never be directors, Vin Diesel lookalikes should stick with being body doubles or anything else that keeps them out of public view, and bimbo actresses should always be seen and never heard. Also, Michael "never saw a paycheck I wouldn't take" Madsen and Armand "me, too" Assante should immediately retire from the business before they lose their own immortal souls. This is crap with a capital C and if anyone reading this actually goes out and buys, rents, or even steals/downloads it, well, it's your immortal soul, fool, and I hope you enjoyed it while you still had it. I almost never slap a "1" on a film, but this one surely deserves it for the absolute waste of $7m dollars it represents.

Perhaps the worst film ever made. Painful to watch.

[dreamerlives · 1/10 · 29 March 2011]

Move over Uwe Boll, old man Charlie Picerni takes away your coveted title as worst director of all time. This rotten, lame, boring, badly tweaked in post color, amateurish turkey was so excruciating I almost destroyed my TV 5 or 6 times. Is it any wonder it sat on the shelf for 2 years before being dumped into the straight to DVD pit of hell? Apparently director Charlie Picerni is some old hack who used to do stunts 20 or 30 years ago, as well as direct lame 70's TV shows where speed and perfunctory shots matter more than technique or talent. Hack Picerni should retire before we have to suffer through any more painful garbage like this. Riding on the fumes of the vampire genre, old man Picerni foolishly attempts to draw in young audiences with some stiff, boring third rate Vin Diesel he dug up from under some rock to star as the "Slayer" and go after the vamps who killed his family (so much for an original plot). One key problem (besides the tedious script)is that Picerni clearly knows nothing of horror, so he masquerades this pseudo-action film as horror. It's an exercise in desperation. Even the periodic action sequences fall flat. There's even one shot in a car chase he repeats at least 4 times so that we can oooo and aaah at a headlight lens flare! Sorry, Mr. Picerni, but car headlights are not enough to keep the audience awake, let alone dazzle. After 50 years of stunt work you'd think he could get the action part right! I think another reviewer said it best: this should be called "The Boring" not "The Bleeding". I noticed the director's wife (who appears to be half his age) is in this fiasco (Nancy Young) as the nurse, and even she gets a lousy, 3 line walk on part! Perhaps director Picerni seems more in love with his half-wit, bald, stone-faced hero than giving anyone else (including his wife and the vampires) some screen time. Cameos by washed up stars do little to raise the production value. Instead, they serve as a glaring reminder that a quick paycheck is better than artistic integrity. No one looks like they are having fun. The movie has no soul, no heart, no scares, very little gore and no attempts at humor. Everything is played straight and deadly dull. Seriously, don't waste your time with this mess. It's so bad it makes you want to rattle the filmmaker and scream, "How could you?!?"

Decent if unoriginal vampire effort

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 5/10 · 12 October 2014]

After finding that his thought-dead brother has been reborn as a vampire king looking to overthrow humanity, a soldier sets out to track him and his clan down before they can implement their plans.

This is altogether not-too-terrible of a vampire/action film entry. The biggest part about making this a rather enjoyable affair is due to the inclusion of a ton of action set-pieces that really drive the film along, from the car chase with motorcycles, buggies and a big rig, a great shootout in a nightclub while a raging dance track blares over the sequence and a couple of decent fights spread throughout that tend to make this one a lot more entertaining than it really should be. These tend to drive the film along at a rather impressive clip with plenty of encounters of the clan to make for a really break-neck styled effort since it's barely over an hour and doesn't even reach eighty minutes so this one tends to rush through everything to make for a rather frenetic pace along the way. That tends to make this one contain just enough blood and gore to make for quite entertaining and enjoyable efforts, although it definitely has some pretty big flaws present. One of the biggest is the rather inane plot, which is a mess and feels like a cliché that's been done over and over too many times, as this one tends to wander through several utterly stupid and nonsensical plot-lines to get back to it's main story about the now-vampire brother who seems to do almost nothing useful here beyond a little staring at the camera as the main parts of this one feature him running around with the car and not out on his main purpose and it feels incredibly haphazard as a result. While this is forgivable, there's little about the plain irritating narration that can be saved as this is quite tiresome and grows worse as time goes on as this dullard continuously narrates nonsense that's carried out right in front of us to make it seem like a wise old man is telling great secrets about the mysterious nature of the universe. That's how bad it gets and really doesn't do the film any favors beyond the clichéd story, but otherwise this one isn't that bad.

Rated R: Graphic Language, Violence and Brief Nudity.

Tuned it off

[luvmycat · 2/10 · 13 March 2011]

I was in a mild mood for this type of movie, I'm watching lots of B- Horror lately and I like M. Madsen so I gave it a go.

What a mistake.

Maybe you have to see a film in complete to justify a review. Then again, that half an hour was more than enough for me. I was bored out of my mind and didn't bother anymore if something would ever happen.

I liked the cars (that's why I gave the extra star), especially the Shelby. But if that's the only highlight you wait for in the next scene you better not waste more life time.

I waited till Michael Madsen showed up but it didn't help.

Then I hate it when the cover shows you characters (e.g. DMX, as if he's a main character or side-kick) which only show up for a few minutes when we might have just done without them. Good idea to rip off fans with a sham cover.

Go and watch Drive Angry, which has its flaws but is a quantum leap more ENTERTAINING.

With absolutely no doubt the worst film ever

[ForVirg · 1/10 · 23 May 2012]

Don't ask me to explain why I actually sat through this whole thing. Maybe it was curiosity after reading the other reviews. Could one film be THAT bad?? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding yes. Sitting in a corner pondering your navel is time better spent.

Seriously, the other reviewers are not underestimating this movie. There is not one single teeny tiny thing that redeems this movie in any way whatsoever.

The acting and casting are just as bad as mentioned by other reviewers. But worst of all to me was the writing.

I can say without a doubt that my miniature donkey could've written a better script. A MUCH better script. By hand! It would be laughable if it weren't so pathetically sad that there are good scripts that can't get made, and yet this script, that isn't worth using as toilet paper, actually made it to film.

Nope. Not a single redeeming quality in this film. There's not even any mildly entertaining nudity or killings.

Never, ever, ever, in my 40 plus years of watching movies as an avid fan, have I ever seen such worthless tripe.

Please do the world a favor and burn every single master copy.

The Bleeding

[Drago_Head_Tilt · 1 June 2011]

If you could cast anyone as the king of the vampires, would you choose Vinnie Jones? That's just one of the problems plaguing this laughable horror-action outing shot in Wilmington, North Carolina. But the main problem is our leading man, one Michael Matthias (also a producer, tellingly). Matthias has exactly one facial expression, whether sad, angry, happy, trying to be funny or banging on about his Shelby Super Snake racing car (it's mentioned a lot). He also narrates in a dull monotone (for some reason a Brendan Kelly gets a special credit for writing this insipid monologue). Anyway, Matthias has to kill Cain (Jones), an evil resurrection of his dead soldier brother who was killed on manouvers in Afghanistan. He's aided by Michael Madsen as a sub-machine gun-totting priest. It ends with a shootout at an old factory-turned-nightclub filled with vampires (inspired by BLADE i guess), and an extended car-chase (Director Picerni has been a stuntman since the early 60's!). Competing with Matthias and Jones (who's souther accent is forever slipping) for the worst actor on-screen is rapper DMX (who doesn't last long). With Armand Assante and William McNamara.

Movie reviews at: spinegrinderweb.com

Loved it!

[davidmoorcroft · 8/10 · 11 August 2013]

This is a fun film, I can't understand all the terrible reviews. I'd definitely watch it again. I think the cast have attracted people who can't handle this calibre of movie. I've only given it an 8 as it's missing that "killer" one liner and DMX is far from his best here, and we all know how good an actor he is on his day. That said the film is great in it's own terrible way. I like that in a movie. Not emotionally draining, just cringe-worthy fun. I think Michael Madsen and Michael Matthias are the stand out performances in this cringe-fest. Vinnie Jones is also hilarious. Especially the "vampire noises" he makes whilst driving a Lamborghini. This is the first review I've ever given anything because I think this movie deserves at least 1 fan.

VAMPIRES IN A GRINDHOUSE

[nogodnomasters · 6/10 · 14 April 2019]

WOW!I don't know where to start and neither does this grindhouse movie. The film starts out with a Vin Diesel look-a-like, Michael Matthias as Shawn Black. He is driving a semi being chased by a gaggle of vampires. As one vampire attaches itself to the driver's side window, our hero says, "get down" as he pulls out a shotgun and blasts said vampire. The window doesn't break, but looks cracked. There is blood all over the outside of the window he just shot at. Later his shot gun sometimes works like an automatic weapon. Ed Wood, move over. I understand vampires aren't real, but we need to obey some of the laws of physics.

We now flash back 3 days, during which we also flash back to Afghanistan. I won't explain too much of the reasoning behind stuff as a lot doesn't make sense. Such as: 1) Vampires have a king that is born every 100-200 years. Their goal is to destroy mankind. 2) Vampires don't like silver bullets. 3) If you shoot a guy in the chest multiple times and he doesn't slow down, what makes you think you can punch him out?

Rachelle Leah is also in this film as Lena. She plays a tough girl who can handle her own. She is Maxim's 85th most hottest woman in the world. Michael Madson plays a priest who drinks JD, except for breakfast, which is made for beer. There is some Biblical stuff loosely scattered into the plot and rather badly. Cain is the head vampire that only "The Slayer" can kill.

Nudity, (Not Rachelle) groping, no sex. If you like bad grindhouse films like I do, give it a view.

Vamps are Popular, lets cash in.

[adrianowen9 · 5/10 · 21 September 2010]

Im going to give this movie 5 out of 10 as at least its trying to show vampire's again as the big nasty, not some glitter in the sunshine mush.

Nice cars, and of course Vinnie Jones as the token bad guy , this time with a crazy hairstyle..!! You have been warned.

Then we have Michael Madsen as a man of the cloth, the preacher type.

The hero, played by i don't know who, every time he appears on screen we are treated to a style of synth score very simular to 1984's The terminator, and a hero voice over.

Id say if you feel like a bit of a laugh then give this a rent, there's some fun to be had here.

Not as bald as it appears

[kosmasp · 2/10 · 16 October 2014]

Actually the main character is as bald as he appears, though it's unfair to call him a Wallmart version of Vin Diesel. Yes he does not have the charisma of Vin, but that's still a mean thing to say. The movie wouldn't have been saved by Vin either, so there's no arguing that the script itself would have needed a bit of work.

Apart from that, there are some nice actors in this (Armand Assante always delivers, not long enough in this to elevate it though, Vinnie Jones phoning it in, Michael Madsen once again proving that his Tarantino work remains his best). Apart from that we also get DMX (whom I like as a musician), delivering one of the worst cry of agony performances filmed... ever. But it's not his fault either, that the movie does not do well.

And there is blood (though there could've been more) and there is nudity (up to you to decide, if it's enough or too little), but it lacks heart and humor. The voice over not helping either. Not really worth watching then ... If you like the female models involved here, you're better off following them on Twitter