[last lines]

Randy: Where you gonna go?

Sam: Virginia.

Randy: What's it like?

Sam: Sucks.

Trudy: Canejo Springs used to be a decent place... then came the drugs and... anus sex.

Sam: Four days, 17 hours, 26 minutes, 31 seconds. That is when the world will end.

Pastor John: I used to be like you.

Corey: What, you had a training bra?

Pastor John: Not exactly. But when I was your age, I experienced things that made me feel like God didn't exist. Maybe you've experienced something like that too.

Sam: You don't know anything about me.

Pastor John: I can see that you're in pain.

Sam: I'm alive.

Pastor John: Is that how you see life?

Sam: Till farts taste like cherries, yeah.

Corey: What do you think God's farts taste like?

Sam: Marshmallow Peeps.

Pastor John: You girls new in town?

Sam: Just passing through.

Pastor John: Well, you gonna be around a little while, you might as well stop and get some pizza at my Bible study. Lot of fun.

Corey: Oh, I'm satanic.

[gesturing to Sam]

Corey: She's half-Jehovah, quarter Jew and a tiny bit retarded.

Pastor John: Well, we're nondenominational. We accept all types, even those with horns.

[first lines]

Corey: Only two more good mornings.

Sam: Only one more day.

Corey: We're so perfect.

Sam: Immaculate.

Corey: [about Sam] See, she's an ice queen. You need a flamethrower to get inside that.

Trudy: I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Sam: Really? What's he like?

Trudy: He's big and strong... tan... lots of muscles... he's got lightning bolts shooting out of his eyes.

Pastor John: Well, if you want to be born again, you have to forget the past.

Sam: Good thing sinners can repent, right?

Agatha: [about Iraq Jack] He should've died up on that windmill.

Corey: I was thinking we chop off his balls and stone him.

Sam: Light him on fire if gas was wasn't so expensive.

Corey: Why can't I touch you?

Billy: 'Cause we'll explode.

Jeremy: This - This is - This is impossible!

Sam: What? The fireworks?

Jeremy: No. The tesseracts!

[At Randy's party, Jeremy loses his glasses]

Sam: [leans over and hands them to him]

Jeremy: Right under my nose.

[holding out her $20]

Jeremy: I wanted to buy your lunch.

Sam: That's sweet.

Jeremy: I don't usually come to these kind of things.

Sam: So, uh, why'd you come to this one?